Girlfriends and Growing - VENT

[Speeding Mullet]

Here it is NiteTiger!

Does anyone else have/had an issue with their Girlfriend/Partner and being as under the thumb as I feel right now.

I love her, I mean she has a great personality and is hot as hell and I love to spend my time with her, however:

I used to grow in my own house, but then we moved in together into our own flat, and now the topic is almost taboo, like she's trying to cut it out of my life.
All I want to do is a small 1000w scrog in the basement, but she claims she moving out if I do. Hell if I want a joint now I'll have to go outside (5 degrees C) and I think thats pretty harsh on me.

I don't enjoy being controlled, but at the same time I don't really think I've got a leg to stand on. She is going into Healthcare, Physio to be precise, probably NHS or Army, and feels its way too bigger risk for her profession.

Just needed to vent that. Anyone else have or had this problem feel free to vent too.

SM

 

[NiteTiger]

Bah, she's just freaking out over the idea, not too uncommon.

My wife is a nurse, so I understand her concern.

My wife was deeply concerned when I was growing in the closet. However, after I moved it to any area that my wife never goes and gives her plausible deniability, she relented.

One great thing about healthcare workers, is that they understand logical progression. Once you show her the risks are lower than purchasing from a dealer, and she can't be connected to it, you'll see her attitude change, more than likely.

The main thing is to respect her beliefs. If she feels you're just disregarding her concerns, she's going to feel that she has no say. Work with her, and not against her, and you'll see a significant change.

Maybe offer to step down to a 600 or 400w cab. I've seen guys pulling over 1.5 'bows outta a 400w cab. More than enough for a personal grow.

if you're commercial, then she is right to be concerned, and, in all honesty, exposing her to that kind of risk is a bit selfish. If you're going commercial, bite the bullet, get a dedicated grow house, and go big.

Being married for 10 years, I can tell you, compromise is the foundation of a great relationship.

We'll overlook the implications of a person knowing you grow that is not 100% linked to your future. :wink:

 

[Speeding Mullet]

Nah man, its not a commercial venture. I will use it to sort out my closest friends who don't have the opportunity/knowledge to grow themselves and don't want to be giving money to skanky ass dealers who give us a bad name by putting glass all in our green.

I know I have to respect her views which is what I've been doing for the past year, but its not in my nature to give up this hobby. Setting up in the basement would give her plausable deniability, as she has never in one year been down there, but I don't think she understands the concept as such. Or if she does she is vehemently against it anyway.

At the moment it comes down to if I grow here, we break up.

SM

 

[Guest]

I feel you pain bro. My wife is very accepting of my grow. My sons know now but ever since they found out they will no longer bring my grand daughter over which is killing my soul. I don't see the difference in now and before myself accept the knowledce of my grow. Unless you went in ther you could never know.

Best of luck Bro.

Mo,

 

[NiteTiger]

Well, it sounds as if she's hyper-paranoid, which as I've said, is not uncommon.

But, in the end, it may come down to whether or not you and her's lifestyle are not compatible.

If she's not willing to compromise, it does not bode well for future encounters.

Try hitting her with logical arguments. If she refuses to see logic and refuses to compromise...

 

[Speeding Mullet]

People truly don't feel the love for the hobby/way of life when they don't appreciate the plant. This is obviously a common stream.
My gf gets paranoid when she smokes, which is fair enough, i respect her wish not to smoke too much of it totally. However, I believe she is in part applying the dislike of herb to a hatred of the hobby/way of life.

SM

 

[Speeding Mullet]

...Try hitting her...

SM

 

[NiteTiger]

SM

LMAO

 

[pieceofmyheart]

Relationships are about compromise, not one person having the other under their thumb.
I've been married 17 years to a non toker and he does not like that I grow, but I keep it small and stealth and for my own personal use.

But, you are saying you are growing with intent to sell to your friends? Then that means, they also know you will be growing. I wouldn't like that situation either if I was her. A whole different ballgame when others know and you intend to move some, IMO.

 

[NiteTiger]

Hey now! I don't mind be quoted in sigs, but quote me right dammit LOL

 

[Speeding Mullet]

Yeah PFMH I see where you are comming from with the helping the friends out thing is dealing too.
I guess what I failed to impress on you is that they are our closest friends, and I have grown with them in the past, but now they are in a situation where they have to move house and cannot grow. Because they understand what we have done in the past together stays between us, I think they can be trusted to keep it that way. I'm not just going to be pushing willy nilly, but rather helping a friend in need.

I always try and help my friends, what goes around comes around. I just need to strike a healthy balance like you say of compromise. I'm willing to compromise if she is, but I'm not willing to be told "no".

SM

P.S. Nitetiger, do you want me to remove the quote? I think its rather nice!

 

[easyrasta]

My wife & i met in college back in 1979
at that time we both got Higher than a kite.
We were friends first and all the crowd got high.
After we got married(25 years ago) she still got high
In about 1995, she smoked some killa northern lights a buddy grew and she went completely scitzo. Couldnt handle it and has not smoked since.
Now Im the "pot head" &
Cant grow in my home
(so dont ask me for advice)
Peace
Ez

 

[NiteTiger]

It is rather amusing...

maybe put (not really) after my name in the quote line

 

[Speeding Mullet]

See what I mean when I say there is no disassociation with some people between an experience and the lifestlye/hobby.

SM

 

[pieceofmyheart]

Yeah PFMH I see where you are comming from with the helping the friends out thing is dealing too.
I guess what I failed to impress on you is that they are our closest friends, and I have grown with them in the past, but now they are in a situation where they have to move house and cannot grow. Because they understand what we have done in the past together stays between us, I think they can be trusted to keep it that way. I'm not just going to be pushing willy nilly, but rather helping a friend in need.

I always try and help my friends, what goes around comes around. I just need to strike a healthy balance like you say of compromise. I'm willing to compromise if she is, but I'm not willing to be told "no".

SM

Oh I see, yes I share with my sister. Whenever I harvest she gets some too.
I also don't smoke in my house, but my husband is a cig smoker and he goes out too. We have kids and don't want them around the smoke though.

Good luck with all of this. If a compromise can't be met, then your relationship will suffer, if not now, then at some point it will.

 

[Speeding Mullet]

Is that better NiteTiger?

POMH - I have stopped smoking in the house after my gf asked me too while she was quitting. She still smokes the odd one indoors at parties we have when it is allowed.
I am also making an effort to get fit again at her request. Admittedly I do want a defined body again but still - She asked and I'm trying.

I think the compromise is I'm going to step outside the door now for a large jibba and come back in with a clearer perspective on the matter.

So I make my own wine, beer, lager bitter and cider by the way, which in itself is nothing special. As soon as I sell a bottle to a friend, which does happen at parties quite abit, I am commiting a big crime in the eyes of the law. Why should this be so much less of a taboo than MJ? Because of the inherent spirit MJ has picked up since being condemmed as a banned substance.

I'm not going to open that old tin of worms again though!

SM

 

[NiteTiger]

n your relationship will suffer, if not now, then at some point it will.

You now have two opposite sexes agreeing on a point. That either means we're correct, or hell hath frozen

But as much as I hate to interfere with a person's relationship, if she is unwilling to accept you for what you are and your desire, then the relationship is in trouble. I hate to say it bro, but it is what it is.

Now, she may be just freaking out from an exposure stand point, which is completely understandable. The onus of compromise rests with you as much as it does on her.

I live with a non-toker. I have 1kw, soon to be 2 in the garage. I don't hear squat about it, unless I'm smoking in the house...which is fair since she's let me put chairs, a couch and TV and Xbox 360 in the garage.

See what I mean by compromise?


And yes, that sig is perfectly acceptable to me LOL

 

[pieceofmyheart]

hahahaha NiteTiger, mine is in an unfinished basement and I have a desk, chair my computer....lol It's like make a comfy room around your garden.

SM, you guys don't seem to be compromising. She is telling you what to do and you are doing it, not truly a compromise. IMO, yall need to talk.

 

[NiteTiger]

Is that better NiteTiger?

POMH - I have stopped smoking in the house after my gf asked me too while she was quitting. She still smokes the odd one indoors at parties we have when it is allowed.
I am also making an effort to get fit again at her request. Admittedly I do want a defined body again but still - She asked and I'm trying.

I think the compromise is I'm going to step outside the door now for a large jibba and come back in with a clearer perspective on the matter.

So I make my own wine, beer, lager bitter and cider by the way, which in itself is nothing special. As soon as I sell a bottle to a friend, which does happen at parties quite abit, I am commiting a big crime in the eyes of the law. Why should this be so much less of a taboo than MJ? Because of the inherent spirit MJ has picked up since being condemmed as a banned substance.

I'm not going to open that old tin of worms again though!

SM

One thing that worked with my wife, as a healthcare worker, was to point out the health benefits of cannabis. The very idea that Alzheimers disease could be even marginally effected by cannabis made the idea of prohibition of cannabis aborrhent to my wife.

She specializes in geriatric rehabilitation, and this made all the difference. If she's a nurse, point out to her that the National Association of Nursing Professionals has endorsed the use of medical cannabis.

 

[Speeding Mullet]

Yeah I had planned on doing it. Got to take it steady though and not just go ploughing in without an arguement. I think I first need to proove to her that I'm upholding my side of the bargain before I convince her to compromise. She a tough cookie for sure but she's worth working on.

For one reason or the other I was blessed with a beatiful mind.
I have the ability to multitask inside my head and think in terms of 3D pictures and hypercubes, its like having a CAD package running in your head all the time, you can visualise everything.

When however it comes to forming an arguement, I have to try very hard to control the picture side of my thinking, which leads to freezing up sometimes. Weed does help free my mind of the pictures and a physco the rapist gave me some excellent tips on controlling my brain more, but its still difficult.

SM