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I have her home. This will likely be the last time she comes home. The next time will probably be the end trip. She is losing steam and starting to have serious problems. I could pull all my hair out and scream, but what good would it do? I'm left in a kind of limbo, providing care that I can, a kind word, a smile, a massage. All these things I am trying to remember her by, as each time I do it I realize it could be the last time I get to do something for her in this world. Every touch is electric. Her skin is like fire and I am left wondering how it could be that I would be sundered from this incredible human being so soon. Yet, I know we have taken our share and have burned the midnight oil and our passion rose and we were in the throws of love and nothing could penetrate that aura. Now I sit and think of all the times that have been and realize that these are what I have to go by and that it will all have to suffice.
It's really cool. I've been thinking about the monastery a lot the last few days. I have been thinking that I could maybe find peace there and live out my life in contemplation of The Deity and a continual communing with The One. I'm not a Christian so this may present a problem, but I have the grandkids and my kids to think about. I am wondering if this is what I should be doing now.
Then again, what kind of party can you expect there to be over at the monastery? That's no fun. If I could have my marijuana and mushroom grows that might work, but I don't see them going in for that...
You are so blessed to have that deep boundless love that you both share for one another. So, rare in this life. You and Marilyn are truly blessed to have each other.
You are both in my prayers.
This can be a very hard time, I know. If you feel like it, perhaps you can read The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. It has helped me tremendously in times like these. It's full of wisdom, good advice, and hope.
Im so sorry mpd, you are doing the right thing, cherishing every moment and giving her all the love you can. Your a good husband. You and Marilyn are in our prayers.