Divorce + Parole = me needing advice

[alaskind]

Hello, all..... Im in need of sound advice, but Id like to hear experiences, as well. Im on parole in the U.S. for growing herb.Ive also found myself in the position of needing to get divorced.Im not growing, & Im not in any legally compromising position.However, Id really appreciate any experiances, that this good community has regarding parole and divorce. Im currently not employed at a taxable job. My primary concern is child support, and the punishments, ect., associated with not being able to make payments. If anyone can shed some light, Id appreciate it, very much. Also, if peeps have other concerns, to share, Id be indebted... please feel free to comment, as at this stage, I can use all pertaining info, to help form a gameplan. Much respect.

 

[THE TROOPER]

best advice i can give you is qualify yourself an excellent divorce lawyer, remember he/she's the one looking for a job and your money!
make sure him/her are prepared to rep you the way you want him/her too.......BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM ANY MONEY!

you are not going to like the outcome if you do not have a good lawyer!

good luck too you!

TT

 

[alaskind]

@ The Trooper; Id agree that a good lawyer is the starting point to any action.Seems that your other point is that its equally difficult to identify such a lawyer. Do you, or any1 else know of an independant resource, that I might refer too?? So that I might know whether the scenario described by a lawyer (or lawyers) is accurate?

 

[THE TROOPER]

you can start with www.superlawyers.com

get some names and make some calls!

also if you go around and discuss your case with all the top attorney's your other half will be limited to the rest of the deadwood wich should limit her legal ability to fuck you over!

TT

 

[dubwise]

Though exes can be scornful....what benefit is it to her or your child if she reports what you do for your dough. It is very helpful for the both of you to understand how this decision is really not final because of the child. Don't expect it to end quickly and painlessly. Find a good lawyer, unless the situation is mutually amicable, then work it out with the lawyer...it's only paperwork. If it's ugly it's going to be ugly. Best wishes to you.

 

[rick shaw]

If you aren't working apply for General Assistance/food stamps in your city. Once your on G.A. get a certificate of low income from your case worker to show legal aid to get an attorney for free/low cost.

I know a few people in your boat,it sucks. The biggest mistake to make is to do nothing,child support is serious.

In SF there is a program called N.E.T. (Non-Custodial Parent Employment and Training Services Program), if you qualify your child support payments are temporarily shelved until you start working. Once you start earning again they will recalculate your child support payments.

Check if there is a similar program where you live. Good luck.

 

[fishheadbob]

I disagree with the above post about a free/low cost divorce lawyer. You get what you pay for. A legal aid lawyer is both overworked, and working for peanuts. Most would rather be high priced successful lawyers living in tidy mansions but they don't have the skills and connections to pull it off.
Secondly, what's wrong with supporting your children ?

 

[paladin420]

Get the best lawyer you can..as a man you only hav the right to pay....do not forget those are your kids...I hav been in both spots..kid and dad..

 

[mayan]

I disagree with the above post about a free/low cost divorce lawyer. You get what you pay for. A legal aid lawyer is both overworked, and working for peanuts. Most would rather be high priced successful lawyers living in tidy mansions but they don't have the skills and connections to pull it off.
Secondly, what's wrong with supporting your children ?

Sorry - it's very rare that I call BS on a forum but this post leads me to it. The above post is both wrong and perniciously wrong-headed. As someone who has participated in the legal system for many years, in a variety of capacities, I have known MANY legal services attorneys. Most, if not all of the ones that I have met are there because they are absolutely committed to helping people who cannot afford skyscraper attorneys. AND - many (tho not all) are some of the best and most accomplished lawyers that I have dealt with -and I have dealt with many- both attorneys in private sector ($400 dollars plus - an hour) and legal services. Are legal services lawyers overworked? Yep...there's alot of poverty out there and VERY few resources to deal with it and the army of people needing legal help. Are they underpaid? Yep - again - apparently you must be punished if you want to help people. Are they despised for trying to help people? In this society, let's just say that trying to do so is not considered to be a desirable quality - go figure.

I'm sure there are clunkers out there just as there are in any professional field and being overworked and despised because you are helping people is never particularly fun but the above post is 100% wrong and VERY misleading - at least about the qualifications and motivations of legal services lawyers. Too bad.

Anyhow...sorry for going off-topic but I couldn't help respond to such crap. Good luck with the legal woes. Believe me - I know it sucks to be caught up in the snares.

 

[OrganicOzarks]

You are looking at this all wrong. You started this thread already defeated. So you will probably be defeated. There is still plenty of time to change your attitude. Which will in turn change the outcome of these proceedings. Why would you have to pay child support? Because your wife ends up with the kids. Why the fuck does your wife have the kids? Because you let her have the kids. Parole or not you should hire a P.I., and dig for dirt on your wife. Then use said dirt to at the very least get joint custody with no one paying the other support payments. Why do guys always assume that the wife is going to get the kids, and not to fight for them? You need to dig for dirt, go for full custody, and then settle on joint custody. It is a lot easier then you may think.

 

[BattleAxe]

Don't just find a good lawyer but a good father's rights lawyer who specializes in defending father's. As you probably already know, you are fighting an uphill battle. In CA, less than 17% of custodial parents happen to be the father. Whether or not this is based upon the baby booming model of the man being the breadwinner and the mom being the homemaker can be left to theory but the fact is that most of the time, guys get raped. I symapthize with your position at the moment, I have been there, here in CA. I hope for your sake the family flaw system isn't as flawed where you are at.

dadsdivorce.com is a great resource. One thing that I learned from running the gauntlet is that it is in your best interest to document any time/money/activities that you spend with your children showing that you are an integral part of their lives. Keep a journal somewhere and supplement it with pictures, receipts, etc. I would also advise that you take that data and use it to create visual aids such as spreadsheets or charts that you can pull out in litigation. I think a chart or a table is a lot more effective at driving your point home than pleading to a judge and just asking him to believe that you are a good father and should be 'awarded' more time with your children. That you call every night or pick them up every Tue/Thurs and go to each one of Johnny's practices and games.

Convert nasty text messages to email or printable format and give them to your lawyer to start building the case that your ex is/can be unreasonable, vindictive, parental alienation, etc. Find out the laws on recording conversations, actions in your state. If you live in a one party consent state, you only need the consent of one party to record and submit as evidence in court, you are that party, try and bait your wife into a fit during a conversation about the kids, where you remain calm, collected, etc, while she yells, slaps, scratches, name calls, you get the idea. Don't waste your time refuting your wifes claims that you are this or that, just show the judge evidence that you are otherwise. This isn't about whether or not you are who you are or what you have done, this is about showing that judge that despite your wife's claims you are a capable, loving and willing father who wants and deserves to play an active role in developing, guiding and mentoring your children by whatever means necessary.

Make no mistake, this is war and the plunder is your parenting time. I dunno your wife personally, obviously but in my experience, MOST women, turn kids into pawns and use them as leverage against us. It's up to you to mitigate the effects with the above methods and others that you will come across.

In the meantime, while the CS and legalities are being worked out in court, if you are giving her money, buying her diapers, clothes, etc, make sure it's in the form of check and never cash unless she gives you a receipt. I said it before but document everything, your personal journals, calendars, records of phone calls, cell phone bills showing that you called your kids is going to be your saving grace when you are made into the monster that you aren't. Also, don't let your lawyer be the driver of your case, you have to stay on him on a regular basis and make sure that he is doing what you want him to do and try your hardest to find a lawyer that will take your case for a flat fee. That is the best route otherwise expect to pay $200/hr min. and cry when you realize that your $2500 retainer lasts all of 2 sessions of litigation, one of them which is your first hearing.

I just re-read the title and saw that you are on parole for the green. This is probably the weakest leg of your argument which I think could be offset effectively if you were somehow able to get a letter of rec from your PO or possibly have them testify on your parenting abilities so start making nice with him/her and keep your girlfriend secret from your wife until the divorce is final and the parenting plan is drafted.

Good luck, stay strong, don't dwell on shit, keep it moving, stay positive and things will work themselves out. Remember in the end that the only thing that really matters is the kids so make the best of whatever time you are 'awarded' with them.

 

[JJScorpio]

I don't understand the question?

You say your main problem is not being able to pay child support. If you're employed under the table and the wife finds out then she will report you and the Judge will look at this as an attempt to circumvent helping your children.

Your best bet is to report what you make and have them set an amount associated with your income. I believe 25 a month is the least you have to pay. I don't know why you'd pay for a Lawyer or PI when the money for that could be used to help your children..... As long as you're paying something their not going to jam you, but the arrears will add up....

And to those suggesting he file for custody, he posted he's fresh out of prison without a job. Until he finds employment and housing isn't it better they stay with their mother. And no where did he say she was a bad parent so what's the deal with everyone wanting him to "build a case against her"? All the fighting and war does is affect the kids in a negative way.....

 

[BattleAxe]

You are looking at this all wrong. You started this thread already defeated. So you will probably be defeated. There is still plenty of time to change your attitude. Which will in turn change the outcome of these proceedings. Why would you have to pay child support? Because your wife ends up with the kids. Why the fuck does your wife have the kids? Because you let her have the kids. Parole or not you should hire a P.I., and dig for dirt on your wife. Then use said dirt to at the very least get joint custody with no one paying the other support payments. Why do guys always assume that the wife is going to get the kids, and not to fight for them? You need to dig for dirt, go for full custody, and then settle on joint custody. It is a lot easier then you may think.

His attitude is warranted somewhat, family law in the US tends to favor mothers. Regardless of how hard he tries, I think he should be prepared to face worst case scenarios ie, 80/20 split.

I do agree that he should ask for full custody and use that stance along with the dirt he has dug to settle on joint custody with the least CS to be paid.

 

[BrnCow]

In my case, the ex told the courts that I was all sorts of fucked up. I was very ill when they convened court in another state. I wrote and asked for another court date but they ignored my request and they bent me over - believing every accusation that this mentally ill nut told them. She was so convincing! Little did I know that she had been calling the cops on a daily basis anyway and telling them all sorts of shit. They ate it up like a crap eating dog. There is no fucking telling what sort of evil shit is loaded in their computers to this day. I never got it until the local Chief of Police - a woman - told my mom about this going on. I found out she had been doing this for years! Sleeping with the enemy! Like I said - mental illness. I finally got smart and was surfing one day and decided to start looking into men's rights organizations. To bad I didn't do that when we were actually getting a divorce. It took me finding out she was neglecting and abusing my kids to wake me up. Then I hired a Dallas men's rights lawyer and $20k later, I had all of my kids out of there. Man were they fucked up! I was so mad for being blind. But, last semester I had 4 kids in colleges. Hell, I didn't even graduate high school and am living on disability! My parents helped financially. The kids are doing okay today. I wanted that lawyer to cut that witches head off in court but he just barely did enough to get my win. He is a smart man and I say cudos to him. Hell, I am a fat old white man and he is a younger black man. Totally opposites in culture - a winning team by choice to save my kids! And we did. I did hire one lawyer before the men's rights guy and he fucked me out of my $1500 retainer. He decided to side with the ex and decided I was lying and was worthless in court. I should have fired his sorry ass right in the courtroom but didn't.
This woman even accused me of non exsistant sexual crimes in court in front of my family! Evil shit from Hell itself! What a bunch of bullshit and she has no money to sue for. I still shudder when I think about that daughter of the devil. So much for ever having a relationship with a church woman again.....my kids don't get around her very much either. But, all of this is to remind you that sooner is better than waiting. You kids need you to kick ass and take names for them. They are watching and waiting. Get a job and make the parole shit like a champ. Go to family court to get visitation and to let the judge know you are unemployed. Be prepared to show paperwork of how you are living with no money. They will want signed papers from those supporting you and job pay receipts even if they are not taking taxes. You have to get legal so maybe you can go to some labor place like Labor Ready at 5 a.m. and get out if nothing else. That will get you $40 a day and a receipt if nothing else. It will satisfy the parole people also. Just know that some of those guys drink 4 beers before they start work and some also are holding. Be prepared to be faced with a piss test for the better jobs.