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Distinguished and Nurtured Kind

dank.frank

ef.yu.se.ka.e.em
ICMag Donor
Veteran
Okay. I've logged in a couple times and I've written posts and then deleted them. I've spent SEVERAL hours, cross referencing my old posts here and other places to make CERTAIN - before I start to discuss something that I'm not accidentally creating a connect the dots grid of specific details of my life.

I tend to avoid any personal details here on IC, even down to what is my favorite color. :joint:

I think it's easy to forget some of us still live in environments where we are looking at 25 years for growing this plant. Honestly, I forget the realities of that sometimes.

So, since it sort of is on the table, and, I've never broken this seal, I'll share a bit.

The last time I was with anyone - at all - in any capacity - I was a medical grower in Michigan. It was 2010/2011. I've been a hermit, in the literal sense, with regards to women ever since.

I generally have a "type" that just isn't good for me. I was typically drawn to "arm candy". I like having the woman that turns all heads...that presents a sort of ego stoke. I guess you could say, in my younger days I was quite insecure and at times derived a substantial part of my personal value from things outside of myself. (pathetic)

It wasn't a healthy recipe - and the truth is, the women I was dating, that accepted that sort of paradigm, were all settling for a half measure - because I wasn't REALLY giving them me. I was giving them the world I could provide.

The last woman I dated, met me as I was building and structuring my non-profit segment caregiver services. Since I was legal, had billboards, business cards, gave lectures - there really wasn't much point in hiding that I was a grower. She waited a couple months and eventually insisted to know what I did for a living. It didn't go over so well.

She used that to her advantage and held it over my head. When we separated, she called the cops and had me raided. Fortunately, one of my distribution channels, had family that worked for the county dispatch. I got a call about 2 hours before the K-9 units and state police showed up with an evidence van in tow.

Fortunately, I had the place spotless. Walls were bleached. Cayenne pepper powder sprinkled ALL OVER the carpeting. The minute the dogs took their first sniff, they were useless!!!!

-------------------------------

After that experience. I thought long and hard about what I wanted out of life. It didn't matter if I was with a beautiful woman, I was still going to want cannabis. When push came to shove, historically, I've always put cannabis first. IT was the priority. Upon accepting that, I started doing the risk vs reward puzzle. I even made Venn diagrams to seek a middle ground.

It didn't exist. THERE ARE RULES to this game if you value your freedom.

1. NO TELL.
2. NO SMELL.
3. NO SELL.

For the last 8-9 years, I've followed those rules religiously and I've been alone. I don't even realize it's been that long until I think about the bigger picture, as I am now. I've not been on a date. I've not taken a single phone number. I've not entertained a wistful gaze from an attractive stranger. I chose to be alone, because it was SAFER than the exponential risks of telling the truth.

I don't do anything 1/2 way. If I GIVE, I give everything. It's in my nature. It's who I am. I didn't want another empty surface level relationship and I certainly wasn't going to let anyone in. The other side of that equation, hook up apps and such - I didn't want the risk of having handfuls of scorned women seething for revenge.

At one point, I was given the number for a very high end escort service, but I'm frugal and a bit cheap, so...LOL...not the best time to penny pinch, if that is what you are considering!!!!! ROFL. :joint:

I decided cannabis - and in part - my physical and mental health was more important than my emotional health. During the past decade, I've learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. I've experienced and grown as a human being in ways I think most people never will simply because most people have never taken the time to look that deeply inward. I've tested the fiber of my being.

I've talked about some of the struggles of loneliness with various F.A.M. in PM and honestly, those conversations and that soul fire has allowed me to find the most amazing foundation - I know who I am. Without any hesitation. Without any disambiguation. Without any apology. I've tested the fiber of my being.

------------------------------------

Just a couple weeks before The Boston Freedom Rally, I was introduced to someone, through a couple of acquaintances. While there were zero intentions, we just so happened to really vibe.

Meeting so many great people at the rally, I came to realize, everyone else has managed to have and to hold - to form relationships and build families. It dawned on me how self-imposed my isolation was and maybe I was the fool in hindsight, thinking it would be impossible to find someone who gets "IT". What we do. Why we do it. Why we can't stop.

In my mind, I thought I had just put up a wall. What started that way, in reality, had become this overly simplified default state of existence which simply deemed any suitor incapable of understanding and not worthy of inherent risk. I was putting the world in a box at my own expense. At this point in the juncture, I wasn't protecting myself - I was punishing myself - that was a stark realization to digest.

-----------------------------------

I've been talking with my "special lady friend" (the dude abides) now for a bit over two months. Oddly enough, my garden is behind schedule, almost EXACTLY, to the date of my devoting a bit of my time to literally anything else. I didn't realize how precisely oiled my machine was until I threw a wrench in it.

In my mind...in my heart and soul...I had resigned myself to the idea I was going to be alone forever. A couple years ago actually, I sort of just consciously accepted this fate, as it was the only way to 100% ensure freedom and safety - and medicine!

To be honest, it's not easy. I've been stressed - exhausted - emotionally spent. I've been tapping into something, tearing down a decade of isolation - of SECURITY. I've relived every conversation I've shared with her 100x in my head. I've ran through every possible scenario a 1,000,000x. Part of me is terrified and the other part of me is so beyond hopeful - but I think that is probably normal.

She is the only woman, I have ever been with, who is a cannabis user. She isn't exactly "in" the scene but she has favorite strains and certainly is more of a connoisseur head than the "run to the corner and grab a dime bag" type. In fact, her glass is more artistic and heady than mine.

Over the years, I've learned to trust my instincts. I've learned to listen to that still small voice more than anything. I know when that little mental midget is pacing nervously vs teetering on the edge of fight/flight mode vs when the cannons are firing and the red flag is waving in the air.

I've been meditating as of late to help cut back on some of that interior noise. To focus my energy and let it flow towards positivity rather than fear - spending some of my short in and out visits here lately in the Chanting Growers group:

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.

She is an amazing woman, who in a surprisingly short period of time, has really just impressed me on so many different facets. I've never experienced anything quite like this.

I do - SINCERELY - apologize, for my absence. I know I have a lot of open commitments in this thread - and we will be getting back on track with things.

I have received an offer from InkBird (thanks, homie!) to test some of their plug n play environmental control units, and I'm excited to see how much a bit more specific control over parameter thresholds can improve the garden.

I'M INSANELY - excited for one particular pheno of the London Loud. I've never seen a plant with as much vigor as SHE has. I really think it's going to stack and pump out the dank ala Heath Robinson Chiesel style.

I have a very odd recessive OG pheno that surfaced in the Mochiesel. It's unlike any of the siblings; not even remotely the same plant. It turned out to be a male. His pollen has been collected. (I know KG brother, it's staying on lock.)

-----------------

Much love to all of you. Know that I miss this thread and I miss the solace that I find hanging out with you all.

Anyone hearing about Brownie Scout???? Platinum GSC x Stardawg Guava.

@Sport_Farmer - is that your work built off your GLC cut?!?!?!

I've got questions, whose got answers?!?!



dank.Frank
 

dank.frank

ef.yu.se.ka.e.em
ICMag Donor
Veteran
Not at all, Unc. Typically, in chat, there is less of a filter in play due to it being a live conversation, rather than a diary entry of sorts.

We will get the thread back on track. I've been trimming everything back and taking clones for the next round. Things have been a bit neglected, but nothing has been lost or really suffered.

I'm stoked to get this next round going. REALLY curious about this COOKIE FAM parent in this Mochiesel. The plants don't really have a smell and they don't have that typical Cookie type leaf that is a dead giveaway like on the OGKB cut. I look at the plants and I don't really recognize much in them at all, genetically. Modern day mystery flowers. That is the FUN of sorting seed though!!!!


Really want to see what this one London Loud is going to become. She reeks of sour bleach on a stem rub - like move her around and the whole room reeks. The others, aren't as pronounced in their smells, but it's certainly a Sour D hybrid. No question there.

Stay tuned! I'm really in a great place right now - the vibes and my energy are contagious at the moment. I'm excited to dive back into this thread with a bit of renewed energy and focus.

We've got A LOT of ground to cover in the next couple weeks and high tide is coming!

Much :respect: to all of you.



dank.Frank
 

unclefishstick

Fancy Janitor
ICMag Donor
Veteran
yup,i'm just waiting for my seed run the finish sexing and then pop some more seeds...first seed run in years...


how's the leds treating you? i notice scammie and her minions have disappeared from her site...i won another mars hydro light,both are doing great for me...and i'm getting far red initiator strips for the hlg lights...and i have a rig built by ichabod crane on it's way so a goodly portion of the garden is lit by leds now...
 

chuckyoufarley

Well-known member
Veteran
:respect: brother .i split from my wife 26 yrs ago aint found 1 i can trust yet,but then again i aint looking if it happens it happens.
 

GOT_BUD?

Weed is a gateway to gardening
ICMag Donor
Veteran
Good luck frank. Finding that one person who gets it is amazing.

You owe us nothing. But it's nice to know your still doing your thing.

:rtfo:

:party:

:smoke out:
 

dank.frank

ef.yu.se.ka.e.em
ICMag Donor
Veteran
Au contraire, good sir. I owe you all pretty much everything. LOL. :joint: :respect:

Throughout this experience I'm realizing, yet again, how much of my life has been shaped by these hallowed halls.



dank.Frank
 

pinkus

Well-known member
Veteran
Well DF, I am glad to hear that I am not the only one jettisoning relationships in order to grow our favorite plants. You aren't alone in being alone.

I started growing in the early 80s and quit during Operation Green Merchant in 90. I even went straight edge for almost 10 years. Then came to the conclusion that weed wasn't hampering me like booze had. I found some seeds in some Mexican brick and planted them. One of them turned out extremely nicely. So after about a 20 year break, I have been growing again for about 15 again. Single that whole time.

Funny that you mentioned Michigan. I am considering moving to the UP to be legal and be closer to family. I just lost a job and it might just kick my ass into moving.

Good luck Dank.

:bandit:
 

CannaRed

Cannabinerd
You do you Frank! We support ya no matter what.
Don't over-think it brother. Just let it happen. Have fun. That's the main thing!
 

MedGrowerTom

Organic Dank Land
Veteran
started growing in the early 80s and quit during Operation Green Merchant in 90

yeah, thats when my dad started growing hydro, stuff came from amsterdam back then. he called the grow store ahead of time, they warned about dea watching the place, so he packed his plate full of snow, backed in, they had it all boxed up and ready to go, in an out.

but yeah, fuck operation green merchant. i try to tell ppl about that but no younger ppl seem to know anything about it lol

and yeah, come to michigan, we would be happy to have ya ;)
 

heady blunts

prescription blunts
Veteran
OoooooooOooooOoooooOOOOOOO!!!

smoochie smoochies!

:kiss:
:kiss:
:kiss:

in all seriousness the isolation is devastating and i am extremely glad to hear someone had the right vibration to pass thru those walls and touch your heart.

regardless of the future that is a big accomplishment. the universe celebrates.

:grouphug:
 

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