Adventures in life with ICMAG Members :)

[Jbomber79]

I had to toss a huge "brown trout" out of a toilet once... The damn thing was a monster..
You see my wifes grandparents have a bottom floor with a bathroom.. and I wondered down there to check it out.. I'll be damned if the monster wouldn't flush.. In a state of panic I opened the bottom door wrapped some toilet paper around my hands picked her up and flung the monster as far I could.. Mean while everyone is eating up stairs.... after washing up I look over and one of the relatives is sitting up from taking a nap on the downstairs couch.."what the fuck was that" I just shuck my head and trotted up stairs..



Peace,
JB

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[D. B. Doober]

I used a BIG bag of cocaine to steal two penthouse pets from the guys in def leppard and banged them in the bands dressing room...that was around 85 or 86...too many stories but that is still my favorite...for a dude who was 16 or 17 that was pretty much god like IMO

I call bullshit but I want to believe, I want to believe (about the women, not the cocaine)
Cool story at any rate.

 

[LEF]

I believe it.

Not too long ago, I was drinking a beer with a friend, yeah I call him a friend but, he drinks everyday... so he is not quite a human being anymore (not that everyone who drinks everyday is like that, but he is, degenerating)

drinks from morning to night

anyways, I had dropped at his place, was drinking some beers (I was actually out on my bicycle, since I don't drink and drive)

then the guy started to harass me, I don't know if you guys ever had to deal with this

someone is like, poking you, or sort of hitting you to play

and I tell him, stop man, I am tired of this

I say it again cause he doesn't understand, and I warn him, man you are crossing my personal space, my personal limit

I think it's fair to warn people, I would like to be warned myself if I was out of line, and sometimes you gotta give two warnings... guy needs to know why he got a beating

so next time he does it, I grab him, drag him on the ground, hard cement and I start beating into him, I think into his head and ribs, then I keep him on the ground, just to calm him down (yeah I know) lol just to have control over him

he gets up, and is sort of freaked out

I wasn't scared or anything at that point, violence is never a solution to problems, but when it's self-defence, anything goes

so I look at him, and wait for him to speak so I can get his reaction

and he goes on to say, what the hell happened man, are you going psychotic ?

fuck you motherfucker.
that shit won't fly ever again

I realized though, that this guy being an alcoholic, well even if he wasn't
I have responsibility in this, in choosing who I hang out with

so since that day I decided never to fraternize with the guy ever, he sometimes sees some of my buddies, but I tell them I don't want to see him anymore

they are not surprised. when I asked some of my buddies if they knew what happened.. they said.. well he was probably drunk and started some shit. He gets mouthy and abusive, calling people names and whatever.

I saw him one time at a buddies house, and I asked him how he feels about the situation

he said he wasn't mad or anything, but the way he was speaking, it's like his ego was hurt

(I think the fact that he drinks all the time, that he was already a little broken inside)

so he says something to make himself look big, he said, next time I won't be so nice

I don't remember what I said, but it was a good comeback, something about me not taking his shit anymore and that I wouldn't let that happen again

so I stared him in the eyes, and I asked him if he understood

he was not very at ease, said "I know what your doing" in a cowering voice

I stared him until he whimped out

he then ran his mouth again, he sort of didn't admit to his wrong doings... so then I said... well motherfucker, we have a tendency to repeat our behaviours, so you are gonna repeat that little mouthing off and one day you are gonna get yours

and I walked away, and I heard him say, your right man, I do mouth off at people


My hand hurt a little bit the next few days after that night, I was mad that I had to deal with that situation, but mad also that I hurt my hand on the fucker

If I had children, I would say to them, what I would have liked my father to say to me, what I would recommend to others too

Don't let anyone fuck with you

Words is words, I don't think violence is the answer at that time, just walk away
in that area, I think it's good to have been well taken care of as a child, so you have self-respect and self-confidence, and know how to deal with people who disrespect you verbally

but if someone touches you, neutralize that person
by any means necessary, fingers to the eyes, punch to the throat, kick to the grain

because if you let people abuse you, then one day you are gonna snap or your gonna develop rage/depression

 

[StrongBeef]

This one time, I smoked a couple bowls, flicked on a movie and chowed down on some Doritos. Crazy times

 

[WelderDan]

Bear with me on this, it needs to be set up properly to appreciate..

Back in the mid 80's, I was in my early twenties and I of course partied a lot. I spent a day at the beach and came home trashed. I walked in with a tall boy about half full, set it on the coffee table and passed out on the couch for a few hours. It was Sunday.

This tall boy sat on the coffee table for the next several days. It was used as an ashtray. It had ashes and butts in it.

Friday night came along, and my neighbor had a sheet of blotter acid. A bunch of us bought him out and set out to party, since tripping is way more fun in groups. About 10 of us were wandering the hood, tripping balls and having fun. We got to a friends house and they were drinking whiskey around a fire. We had extra acid and got one of the folks around the fire to join us. He was trashed on whiskey and after a minute or two spit out his blotter. So against our protest, one of my friends gives him a second hit.

We ended up at my place, wasting pot and polishing off all my beer. After we ran out of weed and beer, the only booze in the house was that 5 day old tall boy. And of course the guy with two hits of acid in him wants to drink it. He was an alky, so him wanting more booze wasn't surprising. He kept asking if he could drink it, and I kept telling him no, it's 5 days old and full of cigarette butts and ashes.

Well, you guessed it, he grabbed it up and chugged it down. All of it. He had ashes running from the sides of his mouth. He wiped his face on the back of his hand, and asked if I had any more beer. I picked up the can and shook it. You could hear the soggy butts bouncing around. That pretty much broke up the party.

 

[StrongBeef]

Many years ago at a high school party, my friends parents were out of town. Super long story short, we set up a gravity bong for everybody at the party. As time carried on, alcohol was consumed and I needed to piss. The gravity bong looked like a great place to relieve myself, and my friends followed shortly. After a good gallon of piss was added to the gravity bong the water level was dangerously high. Everybody at the party took piss hits, and loved it.

Wait there is more....

Then somebody started to take bets on taking an entire Marblo red cigarette in the piss filled gravity bong. I can't remember how much money was on the table, but maybe 10$. I pulled the hit, and it was the yellowest, nastiest, bong hit ever pulled in the gravity bong. The smoke was so thick I thought no way anybody could take that hit.....all gone in one hit, then he lit up another cigarette right after. About 5 others tried it after and all coughed really hard and couldn't finish the bong hit, and two people puked.

Good times.

 

[Mikell]

Ah LEF, you're stranger than I thought. Know how you can read someones personality through their writing?

Anyway.. now back to our regularly scheduled, much less psychotic program..

I had to toss a huge "brown trout" out of a toilet once... The damn thing was a monster..
You see my wifes grandparents have a bottom floor with a bathroom.. and I wondered down there to check it out.. I'll be damned if the monster wouldn't flush.. In a state of panic I opened the bottom door wrapped some toilet paper around my hands picked her up and flung the monster as far I could.. Mean while everyone is eating up stairs.... after washing up I look over and one of the relatives is sitting up from taking a nap on the downstairs couch.."what the fuck was that" I just shuck my head and trotted up stairs..



Peace,
JB

Bwahahaha! Isn't it amazing how the human body can produce unflushable shit?

This isn't a drunken story, buuuuut..

My family is loud, boorish and with out scruple. The bathroom was not a safe place, if someone needed something while you were deucing, tough luck, especially if they need to shower for work XD

When I was sixteen or seventeen, the girl was incredibly shy, nervous and cute as all hell. Could not drop a load at someone else's house due to crazy anxiety problems. After a few monthes, she gets a little more comfortable around the place. Spends a few days over at the house, usually racing back home to use familiar facilities. Once, time was not on her side and she is forced to use our toilet.

About 20 minutes later, I hear a mouse or a kitten mewing in the bathroom. I knock, ask if she's alright. "No, come help me"

Who the fuck needs help taking a shitter?

Well...

Some people do, when it's a perfectly round, unflushable turd about 3-4 inches across. I've never seen such a thing, nor could I understand how this monster came from inside something so small and flimsy XD

I haven't got much to say, besides "Seriously? We can't do anal and you voluntarily push this out?", and proceed to break it into smaller pieces with my younger sisters toothbrush.

So yes, you can filet a brown trout

Right, and she swears to this day that she never felt it, just heard the loud plop. Sufficed to say, this "no anal" nonsense was dispelled with. I built a fort for the occasion.

 

[stoned-trout]

I could eat some fish right now. Go catch a shark on one of those little boats with a spear line. Eat some sharks fin soup. Never had it before. Sounds good.

.

the prob with shark fin soup is a lot of times just the fins are taken and the rest tossed back overboard.. sometimes with the shark alive slightly..bad practice and against everything I stand for...when I kill something I try and use as much as possible and the critters get the rest...shark fin soup aint bad at all taste wise...

 

[Mikell]

^That.

There is a good documentary about the whole shebang and though the director clearly would have sex with the things if he could, the shots of Third World docks, with every bit of roof space available that the eye can see covered in drying shark fins is quite disgusting.

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[mr. gt]

while on the topic of shark fin soup..


Years back in the 'good ole days' I was picking up a couple pounds up north, in Vermont. The guy had some mushrooms for sale also. So a friend and I picked up a quarter.


Anyways we get back to the motel smoke a bit and take the mushrooms. We were just chilling watching tv and this documentary about shark fin soup came on. I was sooooo horrified and will never forget the guys catching these sharks, cutting off only the fins and than the guys had a camera on the sea floor watching the sharks, still alive, fall to the bottom of the sea just waiting to die.


After that a show came on about how cats look like their owners. That was wayyy too funny

I have way too many stories and hopefully a lot more to come : )

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[stoned-trout]

Don't call me Mr. Lamb Fries though.

Funny Farm - Sheep Balls


I hear mountain Oysters are good.

Chocolate covered ants.

Frog legs.

Scorpions in lollypops haha

Fried crickets in all sorts of ways or baked.

ect,ect.

I never eat this shit though but I hear it is high in protein

I have had everything but the scorpions...the lime chili grasshoppers in mexico are damn tasty ..chapolinas sp??? something like that

 

[WaittillIdie]

dc

 

[LEF]

You know I said, that I wished that my father had said to me to not to let people fuck with me.

I thought about that and I think, it's much better that he didn't. You gotta pick your battles, and I always try to avoid confrontations. Last resort kind of thing, life preservation.

You never know who your dealing with.