???

[billy_big_bud!]

thanks jericho i appreciate where you are coming from. i dont expect any magic revelations it is just an approach that i am hoping sheds some insight into how i can stop making the choices that i do. with me my evil side always finds a way to prevail. i dont know how to defeat it in any capacity.

 

[Marcellas]

i think i need a good shroom trip its been too long.. last cpl were some of the strongest I had. never tried dmt but ive heard its one of the most intense

 

[ghostmade]

hi man.sorry to hear about gour struggle.its quite simple,the solution to your problem.all you need is faith man.in yourself and in GOD. Yeai went there,call me what you like,i can be that.
Now with thay said.you are want you believe.and get what those beliefs are entitled to . believe GOD and spirituality is all a coping mechanism,human made up to deal with death. Then thats your reality.understanding the your mind is key here. I'm having trouble with anxiety and paranoia delusion(i think people are trying to kill me,even family),also add to that hypochondria. Im going through a personal hell right now.cant smoke weed throws me into a panic (get that bad rush and i freak out). Well im starting to realize my l8fe is out of balance.i have a very unhealthy lifestyle,which inturn leads to a unhealthy mind.our bodys mind is a chemical machine. If one is unbalanced so is the other.focus on gett8ng you body into hemeostasis. proper nutrition,actively reading up on and watching positive inputs will help a great deal. Comical inputs are a great thing, also companionship with another being (animal.there is nothing like a love of a dog. or human nothing like a love of a woman)more important is understanding how your brain works.try and get counseling.be open minded.dont let YOUR cultural stigma hinder you ability to seek professional help.not evrybody can self be self regulating in hard timd of cognitive stess.in the end like dude above me was saying your going to have to face the music of your own mortality. (Thats word goes beyond just dying).
On the psychedelic tip.i would not advise it.it might just send you on a trip that has no return. Giving your current state. Please seek help.find a group. Im in the process of mak8ng a means to make that happen.
Also your not a bad person by default .you just summit to the evil that was instilled within.
Just me ive been there im still working on repelling its hold over me and how it effects my day to day life,and my mental being. I went from a god danmed devil to a decent human being with love and compassion. Look into perspective and preception.faith brother faith.learn it.and earn its rewards.
Drink lots of water,yobi detox teas, pink Himalayan sea salt(a pinch into you gallon of water a day).eat your greens (be sure to rotate them) . Also 8f anybody who read this has anytips for me dro0 me a pm,unless billy dont mind the info on his thread. Please bro just dont give up the fight

 

[waveguide]

thanks for giving a shit. that's pretty much all you need. like your string out of the labyrinth of not giving a shit.

 

[stoned-trout]

what would you do if you knew you were a bad person and were only going to get worse?

have some fun....yeehaw...im no angel...and I got no fucking use for your god either

 

[MJPassion]

I'm way overdue for a reset myself...

I've just been avoiding it for some reason that I haven't searched for yet.

IF YOU DO DECIDE TO TAKE A TRIP:
-Put yourself in a comfortable environment where it would be nearly impossible to be disturbed by anybody you do not want contact with during the exercise.

-Go in with a positive mind set & maintain that mindset.

-If you have the option, use a guide, just in case your experience begins to take a turn for the worse, they can help you get back on track.

-bare foot, minimal clothing, in a natural setting... To help you to connect with the cosmic/telluric forces.

If you forego the trip,
Keep your mind busy busy busy in order to drown out the negative mind set.

In the end,
The fact that you recognize your own faults means you have the power to work on & overcome them.

You've already made the decision to go for a change.
Follow your intuition.

 

[MJPassion]

Suicide should never become an option.

I know of nothing more selfish.

 

[wegobigupnorth]

You are not a shitty person. I do not believe it. If anyone uses drugs or alcohol in excess they will do shitty things and begin to really believe they are a shitty person. Just because you have been sober and still felt and/or acted like a shitty person that is because dropping the booze is the literally the first step. Did you change any behaviour aftre you gave up the drink?

I am sorry if I sound like a typical addiction cousellor preaching the same old shit. I am actually not like that at all none of the things I say come from a fucking book, I only attempt to give people advice on things I have actually experienced myself...

I got clean many times before I quit. Kicking the drugs was fucking terrible because of the withdrawal symptoms but that was nothing to the mental hell I would go through as soon as the withdrawals went away.

As soon as I started feeling better physically, I started feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world mentally. Depression hits like a ton of bricks, no energy to do anything. This caused me to just lay around my couch bored as could, it would never take long for me to get high again if I just sat around.

I did not kick the drugs for good until this last time. After I got through the WD I started exercising, got a hobby, never sat around "bored" if you just sit around and are alone with your thoughts and not doing anything productive, you are just going to be thinking of all the mistakes you made in the past over and over, thus making you feel and probably act like a P.O.S. If you start doing something, like a hobby or ANYTHING that makes you happy but doesn't intoxicate you, you will feel MUCH better.

Let us know how the shrooms work. Magic mushrooms and LSD have worked wonders for many people in similar situations but you do hear about the occasional terrible experience with them. I've had nothing but amazing experiences that made me feel "reborn" afterwards.

I have never done DMT but funnily enough, have extracted it. It is a very easy process. But from what I know about DMT, I do not think you will benefit from using it.

 

[BlueBlazer]

We are all capable of being real shit heads. Alcohol abuse can certainly bring it out, but it's not the entire equation. Congrats to the OP for quitting. I just went over 9 years off the booze. Hardest part of the whole deal was taking a critical and honest look at my behavior during the drinking part of my life. I realized that I had been selfish, manipulative, and dishonest to the people I loved. Everyone likes to see themselves as a good person, so facing the truth about yourself can be very difficult to handle.

Here's how I did. I decided that I didn't want to be that man. I could be better if I tried. So I left that man for dead and never looked back. I have spent the last 9 years trying my best to be the kind of man my loved ones can be proud of. And to in some way make up for the shitastic things I had done in my past. I had to eat humble pie and admit to my wife that all that time she had been right and I had been wrong. After years of being manipulated by me to get what I wanted (drunk), she had a lot of frustration. I let her take it out on me full force. It was her right and I certainly had it coming. It hurt, was embarrassing, and humbling but I offered up not one defense. That was the beginning of my road back. I am a better man today, but I'm still not done.

I wish the OP good luck on his journey.

 

[billy_big_bud!]

i appreciate all of the comments. they really have helped. particularly counting my blessings for what i do have even though it doesnt feel like much. truly a big part of it is the period following stopping drinking. there was no withdrawls but i assume there was a period where i was still detoxing and clearly that was contributing. i am still a piece of shit but i am becoming a functioning piece of shit which is much better than just being in a pile....

 

[billy_big_bud!]

doing shrooms tonight. praying for insight....

 

[billy_big_bud!]

sigh... dime.