Worried about a friend...

[spicecowboy]

Hello, to all you fellows out there.


At the moment I´m going through a quite difficult time.

I quit my drinking habit about 8 months ago, and still the battle goes on, against depression, neurosis, fear and the bottle.

Yesterday, I visited a friend of mine(Jesus, I guess he doesn´t even know that I honestly consider him as a friend).

This guy is in his fifties, and his life so far has been a real rollercoaster ride, being a former heroin addict, HIV and HCV positive.

Somehow he´s been a father figure for me during the last years, and I felt so happy that he was finally able to quit drinking and shooting coke about 3 years ago.

Yesterday, he confessed to me that he drinks again, and snorts coke all day everyday since a few weeks, and he´s on benzodiazepines.

He´s still aware of the fact that he needs to change something, and that he´s hanging out with the wrong people, so maybe it´s not too late for him.

On the other hand, a real, serious conversation is impossible with a person being "poly-intoxicated" constantly.

He´s so sarcastic, self- righteous, arrogant, irritable and nervous.

It´s impossible to even get through to him.

I need all my nerves to continue cleaning up my own life, and it really makes me sad and depressed to watch him driving along the dark road again.

So what can I do?

I´m gonna wait for a few days now and then give him a call again to tell him that he´s not alone, and that I´m there to listen to him, and to help him as good as I can.

But honestly I doubt that he would even ask me for help, or reach my helping hand.

I will pray for him, - what more can I do at the moment?

I believe in praying.

Sorry, that I bothered you people with my stuff, but I needed to do this, because my head is filled with so much sorrow, and I don´t know what to do.

spice

 

[HerbGlaze]

Hes in my thoughts.. im truly sorry.. I was in an DA Program for a long time.. dont go as much now due to since i mentioned my medicinal marijuana use they think I am not a sober individual.

I was a heroin user and a coke dealer... was so horrible... I am truly sorry for your friend and hope all goes well in the future for you and him.

 

[BadKarma]

Ive had my problems my friend. Take care of YOURSELF FIRST! You cant save anyone untill you save yourself. I also believe in praying.
I will keep you in my thoughts BK

 

[C6H6]

im sorry man i lot a friend to meth. but i agree with BadKarma, take care of yourself first.

 

[spicecowboy]

Still depressed...

Still depressed...

Hello C6H6, HerbGlaze, and Bad Karma: Thank you so much for stopping by and paying attention.

HerbGlaze:

Sorry to hear that they handle your self medication that way.

But you made it, and noone can take that away from you.

I can imagine that it´s very, very hard to give up a Heroin habit.

All the best to you!


C6H6:

It´s so sad to hear stories like that.

Loosing a loved one is one of the most hurting and challanging things in life, and I know that you never really get over it, but it becomes easier to handle with time.

I´m with you, and I wish you all the best.

It is so very sad to watch a loved one slip away, makes you feel so helpless, and it´s all so unnecessary.



Bad Karma:

I guess you are right.

I need to take care of myself in the first place.

Sounds kinda harsh, but that´s the only way to go.

It´s allways good to know that other people had similar problems, and were able to get along, and stand up again.

I really hope you feel better now.


I´m still pretty much depressed, and nothing seems to work at the moment.

But I realize that I concentrate only on the negative aspects, and neglect the positive sides.

The glass can be half filled or half empty,- all depends on how you look at things in life.

I spent the whole day learning for my law studies and walking in the woods.

That really helped me a lot, and kept me away from the bottle.

One Love, and take care,


spice

 

[iLLperception]

Take care of yourself and remember, no matter how much you want to help your friend, he has to want to help himself first. Until HE has made up HIS mind on his own, there's not much you can do to help.

Also, it sounds like you are going through some hard times yourself, and maybe you could use someone who has been through it, who can help you at the place on your path, someone who is a bit further down the road to recovery. I say this only b/c it's easy to get dragged back down by someone you are trying to help, especially if they aren't ready to be helped. Don't turn your back on your friend, be there when he needs you, but also don't be tempted by him or his actions to revert to your old ways.

Best of luck, a lot of us have had substance issues in our lives, and I know it's not always easy to stay on a positive path!

 

[Vermonster]

Spice I myself am a recovering addict and alcholic. I used cocaine and crack with alchol for many years and eventualy began shooting dope when I was on the brink of losing my mind from staying up days on end puffin hubas, many people tried to help me along the way but I was only saved once I helped myself and realized I was on the fast track to death jail or more rehabs. My advice is to give your buddy suggestions but let him know that is all they are cause you cannot force an an addict to do anything he doesn't want to do. And be there for him if and when he does want help. Other then that not much you can do. Also for yourself have you thought about hittin some AA or NA meetings? They have saved me and helped allot and dealing with other addicts is much better for me then a counselour whose only knowledge is from text books. If you ever wana talk hit me up on PM I would be more then happy to listen or help in anyway I can. And yes your sobriety if number 1 but as they say you can only keep what you have by giving it away. So wanting to help others is the right thought but don't do anything you feel would compromise your sobriety. The best high I get these a days is when a fellow addict tells me that something I shared helped them stay clean for today. And remember easy does it, don't look at like your never gona drink and drug again just look at like your just not gona drink or drug today and it is allot easier to fathom. One day at a time. Cheesy as they may be these slogans have kept me clean and I was a deplorable bottom of the barrel addict! Good luck.

 

[spicecowboy]

Addiction...

Addiction...

Thank you all so much for the kind words!

ILLperception:

You are absolutely right.

I have pretty much willpower, but still there is a chance of being tracked back by spending too much time with him at the moment.

I need people who understand what I´m talking about, people like you and all the others who posted along this thread.

Thank you so much for listening!

The problem is, that all of my closer friends seem to be in serious trouble.

I know what some people may think now:

"Show me your friends, and I tell you who you are!"

But that´s not completely right.

You know, there was a time when we all were a more or less lucky bunch, and looking back at the past really hurts.

One of my best friends for instance suffers from a very severe version of Multiple Sklerosis.

He is not able to eat and drink alone, he cannot go to the toilet alone, he cannot speak claerly, has very bad spasms all over his body, and now he finally landed in the wheelchair.

He´s 30 years old.

I try to help him as much as I can, and often spend several hours with him, driving him to the cinema or wherever he wants and is able to go with me.

Actually this tragedy changed my life and my perception, and played an important role in the decision to stop my drinking habit.

But it is very very hard for all of us, especially for his parents to see him suffer like this.


The other friend became a doctor who has a pretty stressy work in hospital, and since he has to deal with all those diseases and the horror of everyday life, he developed a very anti social personality.

He drinks much too much, and he´s on Valium.

I often have to take care about him, to prevent him from getting into serious trouble because of his extremely provokative behaviour.

My very best friend is a psychiatrist, and he really cares about me, but he doesn´t have much time at the moment, because of his work and family.

My parents helped me a lot during my very hard times, and they didn´t let me fall.

But they are both not the healthiest ones, so I don´t want to bother them too much with all my shit.

They are both pretty old for having a 30 year old son, and I can´t imagine what would happen if one of them would become seriously sick again(they both had a cancer surgery in the past).

My personal story is very complicated:

As a kid, I was sexually abused by my Uncle, and because of that, I have big problems with my self confidence, and even bigger problems with realtionships.

I suffer from depression, neurosis and so called post traumatic stress syndrome, because of the things that happend to me when I was a kid.

The real problems began about two years after I originally started studying law.

I was a very good student and everybody liked me, even the professors.

(For the ones who might feel surprised by my bad grammar/spelling:I study in Austria, my native language is German)

Then I decided to travel to Vienna to visit my Uncle, and that was the point when everything came back to my consciousness.

From that moment on the road led downwards.

I started drinking heavily every night and quit my law studies.

I worked here and there, several jobs, but nothing special.

I even made music and had the chance to really make something out of it, but my low self confidence and my alcohol abuse ruined everything.

I wasn´t able to have a deeper relationship with a girl, and therefor hurt a few women who really liked/or maybe even loved me during the last years.

Now I´m gonna be 30 in a few weeks.

About one year ago, I started to cut down my alcohol consumption, I started to visit the University again to finally continue my law studies and even started to study Italian an Romanic Languages.

Then came the shocking news from the doctors:

My liver is really fucked up.

A huge fatty liver with so called "Alcoholic Hepatitis".

They told me that I should stop drinking immediately, otherwise I would ruin my liver beond repair.

Since about 8 months I seem to have gotten control over my drinking habit, and I do a lot of sports(walking, running, biking, hiking, swimming...)

So, all in all, I feel much better now(let´s knock on wood).

People ask me what I did, because I look that different, compared to only a few months ago.

I´m really not that puffed up anymore, which is a great thing indeed.

But it´s still not easy at all.

Some days I feel really great and proud of all the goals I´ve reached during the last months, but then, all of a sudden, I fall into this deep black hole again.

I get extremely neurotic and my self confidence totally breaks down, and even tough people tell me that was attractive, and girls look at me in an unmistakelable way, I feel ugly, dirty and stupid.

But all in all, it´s not as bad as it was in the past.

Now I seem to care much more, and I live a very active lifestyle.

So, I guess I´m on the right track again, and I´m gonna keep on fighting.


Vermonster:

It´s great to have an example of a person who won the fight, even with such a polytox lifestyle- Congratulations!

You should be very, very proud of yourself.

Seems like I have a similar attitude to "sobriety".

To be honest:

From time to time, I drink a small beer, but only ONE, and people out there: believe it or not: so far it works!

I don´t want to push myself too hard.

I decide wheter I want to drink or not.

Sometimes, especially during the last days, it´s very hard not to drink, and I feel the desire to get completely drunk.

That´s the reason why I don´t even drink a small beer at the moment.

People can be really stupid, or let me better say: they don´t know it any better.

During the last two days, I heard sentences like: "Come on honey, just one beer, or maybe a glass of wine, it won´t hurt!" about 20 times, and I said NO!

Because I realised that it is MY DECISION, nothing more and nothing less.

And I don´t want to drink anymore when I feel completely depressed,- not even a single small beer.

I have a feeling that many people force themselves to not even drink a single drop of alcohol, and as soon as they once take a nip on a beer, they feel like everything was over again, and .. they continue drinking.


Well, this was a very long post, but somehow I feel a little bit better now.

I´m gonna keep on fighting!


spice

 

[HerbGlaze]

Alcohol ive found that if you take it.. you cant think straight then start using again...
Just remember... Easy Does It...

 

[spicecowboy]

I´m aware.

I´m aware.

Alcohol ive found that if you take it.. you cant think straight then start using again...
Just remember... Easy Does It...

I know what you mean, HerbGlaze!

I don´t want to play down or underestimate the risk.

One has to be VERY careful.

That is the reason why I say NO at the moment.

Best wishes,


spice

 

[Guest]

Look on the positive side, we all get to die eventually, and the hell of living ceases. Nothing lasts forever so misery wont last forever.

 

[Gypsy Nirvana]

......I think that you are well on the way to recovery.......don't look back and keep looking forward...always look on the bright side, hold your head high!

You did a great job of self analysis in that last post and it's clear that you are well aware of what ails you...........

What I might suggest is to make a journey of a few weeks or months away from all the places, faces and life that you have lived before, Go travel but keep to not drinking or taking drugs as you go........The stimulus you will get from experiencing new cultures and seeing new places around the world will more than make up for the 'black hole' you are feeling drawn to in the situation you live in and are so familiar with now....

.....Set yourself a reason to travel........and go seek it.......You will most probably be amazed at what you find......in the confidence that you gain and the new friends you might make along the way......

...Try not to believe in depression.......follow the sun and shine with it......

 

[mrwags]

I spent some time in a place where we were surrounded by former addicts and the one thing that they taught us that always stuck in my mind was this:

"If you don't love you why the hell should anyone else?"


Your friend imo sounds like he's already made his choice and you are at a crossroad. The choice of path's is your's but we are all here if ya need us.



Mr.Wags

 

[Guest]

Hey, I hear ya!My old man has been an alchoholic for a good thirty years and fortuneately he married a woman who would take care of him, rehab, detox et al.It's a total nightmare.In his case he inherited enough $ to drink till he's dead,You should see that sob on a longboard riding straight through everyody until some body yells at him and well thats when the cops show up.He is impossible to take care of and is in perpetual trouble.Such a bummer, but such is lifr.You;re not the only one and I know you know that hell, had to say something.... Chaco.

 

[JJScorpio]

You are very lucky that they caught the liver problems now. You need to know that much more drinking will lead to cirrhosis. Google that and you'll see one of the most painful ways to die. That should help you keep the bottle out of your hand.

Take a piece of paper and write down every bad thing that has happened to you since you started drinking. And I mean write down everything. On another paper write down some goals and things you would like to accomplish. When you have these dark periods take the paper and look at where you were and what you did and then look at your life now and what you want to do. That may help you.

 

[Andyo]

anxiety forum

anxiety forum

try www.anxiety help.org

 

[spicecowboy]

Wow!

Wow!

You are very lucky that they caught the liver problems now. You need to know that much more drinking will lead to cirrhosis. Google that and you'll see one of the most painful ways to die. That should help you keep the bottle out of your hand.

Take a piece of paper and write down every bad thing that has happened to you since you started drinking. And I mean write down everything. On another paper write down some goals and things you would like to accomplish. When you have these dark periods take the paper and look at where you were and what you did and then look at your life now and what you want to do. That may help you.

Scorpio:

Thank´s for giving me that advice, it´s a really good one and:

That´s exactly what I did a few weeks back!

I actually wrote a letter to myself, about all the things that changed in a positive way since I decided to stop drinking.

And while I wrote everything down, I realized that I don´t wanna go back.


I know what cirrhosis is, as I allready talked a lot about it with my doctors, and did plenty of research on the net.

I don´t want to sacrifice my life to the "joy" of drinking.

I talked to my doctor a few days ago, and she told me that we could check my liver during the next months.

I´m not that tired and unmotivated anymore, I didn´t have to vomit for months, I´m not that puffed up anymore, and my gastritis nearly disappeared.

All those are pretty good signs, and we´ll see how my condition is going to develop.

But however, I don´t want to be a drinker anymore!



Thank you for your intelligent words!


spice

 

[spicecowboy]

Traveling...

Traveling...

Hello Gypsy:

Thank you for the kind words.

I have to fix a few holes here, and get a few things done, but then I´m definitely gonna travel at least to Croatia, to visit my friends there, and to get a different view on life again.

Maybe I´m also gonna travel a bit further away,- maybe even to India, as I know two very gentle and wise traveling people who could be my guides.

Thank you so much for the motivation and compliments.



Andyo: Thank´s for the link, I´m definitely gonna check it out!


Chaco:

Sorry to hear this sad story about your dad!

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.



Mrwags:

Thank you for taking the time to stop by.

You are right: I need to learn how to love myself.

I´m on the right track, and I´m gonna do my very best to keep on walking along the positive path.

I hope that it´s not too late for my friend.

Thank´s buddy, it´s so good to know that somebody out there cares..


Lucky 185:

Well, don´t get me wrong, but your perspective sounds a little depressing to me.

But I know exactly what you mean.

I felt like that very often.

All the best to you.


I thank you all so much for your kind words.

God bless you all,


spice

 

[ticktickbong]

Have you tried...

Have you tried...

Hey there my good friend! You have certainly been through hectic times, hard times... and of course we all can say that we have and try and give you personal advice. Well bro, sharing is caring! Shows you how many people care for you without having met you. That points to a person that cares enough for him/herself to ask for help ;-)

If you are at all a spiritual and/or religious or maybe both, then maybe there is a community centre or church where you can find some people with past experience in all stuff that can support you. Maybe even offer you some kind of community support network. It will help to involve other people who are not emotionally involved. Sometimes those people care enough for others to get out of their own comfort zones to reach out. That’s what they love doing, so go and don’t feel like a burden my man!!

You have done alot for this friend of yours, just beware that one may become a crutch for the person(addict) in need instead of a helping hand. There is a difference imho.

There is loads of love out there and in your heart.
Get in touch with your people, and they will respond.

Advice is free, just thought I would show another angle.

Good luck man!
Peace.

 

[spicecowboy]

Hello Ticktickbong!

Hello Ticktickbong!

Thank you for the kind and wise words.

I consider myself a religious and spiritual person.

And of course, it´s great to meet people who think alike.

At the moment, I´m not that much into being a part of a religious community, and from my experience, it´s pretty hard to find one that really fits me, if you know what I mean.

But you are absulotely right:

It´s great to know that so many of you really care about me, even tough we don´t know each other.

At the moment it looks like my friend wouldn´t let me get through to him.

I´m gonna give him a call during this week, just to let him know that I´m there for him.


God bless you.


spice