When there is someone in your life that you dont feel good about

[LEF]

Hi everyone
Maybe this has happened to some of you

I am facing a sort of dilemma
I have a person in my life, who is sort of a friend, I treat him like one, but seems like he doesn't share some of my values.

We've hung around for a couple years now, smoking some spliffs, I get along with his sister and his mother, they are fine.

I didn't see him that often, I was always in school or at work, well I am finished school and I am sort of placing things in my life.

Well, it's been a couple of weeks now that I started coming to the conclusion that I didn't want to be around that person anymore.

He's sarcastic, will say some things (as a joke he says) that are not true, just to reel you in and then says, oh it was a joke.
No one's laughing.

I just don't feel good around this person. You know I figured, he has some mental issues, it's true, his mother and sister each called the cops on him in the past (so they could take him to the hospital)

Apparently he had an abusive father (when he was there)

I am in a dilemma of sorts

either I

1) stop taking his calls (reject or don't answer them)

2) tell him I need time to myself (I just finished school he knows), and that I would like for him to stop calling. I could tell him that I will drop by if ever I am feeling it (he doesn't have a phone)

3) tell him that I don't feel good around him and why I don't want to be around him anymore (different values,unstable person, has fits of anger at times, one time we almost got physical because mister couldn't smoke his cigarette)

This guy you ask him a question, and he will do like he didn't hear you

you know the , what ? what ? but he did understand you

man, as I'm writing this, I sort of feel like a fool and I just want to tell him straight up

I am not gonna waste my time anymore (this is basically what it's about, also not gonna waste energy either)

I live in a small town, I have crossed paths with him on the streets not too long ago, doesn't happen very often if at all but you know. So I would like to keep it civil because I don't want any retributions. I am conscious that this person could say some nasty things about me in the future, as to tarnish my reputation because this person doesn't seem to have a lot going on and is sometimes vindictive.

And yeah, I guess maybe I should have known better than to associate with someone like this. We live and we learn !

Right now I am leaning towards the #2... I finished school, I need some time to myself and I would like for you to stop calling.

but I feel like, if I say, I gotta be honest with myself and tell him straight up
then I feel like, it could have consequences

I feel that it might not be up to me to say these things, if he has issues, and no friends, then maybe he should just open his eyes

but If I tell him straight up, then hey, at least I was honest

there is no fooling around, he can be mad about me not wanting to hang out but at least I was honest

but he could have to deal with shock and thinking about this stuff

when he is already a little bit unstable in the head (he was big on amphetamines, says it's been 2 weeks since last time he did any)

Truth is, I am not mentally invicible, I am somewhat dealing with a lot myself and can't take on being with someone who is toxic


I have done a lot of thinking and I'm thinking that I could just meet up with him and tell him, that I just finished school, I want to bring positive changes to my life, and that, I feel that he is unstable (and he has told me), and that I don't think I could hang around with him at this time. Last time I saw him, I told him about some frustrating things that had happened, and it seems like he had a hard time taking it in, like he had too much going on, so I am not gonna sit there and listen to his garbage when this is some kind of one way street.

I will wait and see if I get some opinions from you guys on this matter.

 

[Former Guest]

there's a couple ways you could do this with different results.

if ya tell him nicely you need time to yourself, he may hear the words coming out of your mouth but be in a state of mental illness that he doesn't actually listen and he could become upset and frequency of calls would rise. I think he is calling so much because you're not answering and there is no way for you to return his call. maybe pick up the phone with a prewritten list of set talking points, stick to them and maybe if needed, write why you need to control your words at the bottom as a reminder if you feel you may spout off at the mouth or whatever you say you fear you could do. however this probably won't work depending on how delusional or state of mind, whatever, he is and then, if you care about him and want to try to help him and only then, tell him the blunt truth.

I say this because there is no reason of saying hurtful things that could anger him, and make things worse for you, if there is no positive outcome. if he doesn't listen to the you need some time and no more calling approach, the best thing to do is to ignore him and disengage him. you're going to try to reason and he isn't going to listen, then you're going to try again and he still isn't going to listen and each time you interact with him only encourages this unreality he's made for himself.

you really want to make a life for yourself and the place you are, most people start growing apart at this time and it's natural so don't beat yourself up about wanting this. I would suggest if this is the case then to tell him once and let him not listen, then ignore, ignore, ignore, as it will take a long while to sink in. maybe turn off the ringer or block his numbers he uses if it is a small town. if you see him just turn the other way and time will make it not so bad for either of you.

Congrats on school! I'm almost there myself! a little late but better than never!!

 

[420somewhere]

Man up ...

Man up ...

Take control of the situation, be a Man

I recently had to deal with an person who i had met through a friend a few years ago.

They guy just cannot tell the truth, he opens his mouth and he is lying.

I told him what I thought and asked him to stop calling.

I works

Peace

 

[Bulldog420]

Maybe you should look inside your self. Sounds like you have more problems with the guy then you are letting out......If it is only because he sometimes doesn't listen, and the other little things you posted, then the problem is with you my friend. Nobody in life is perfect, and every relationship needs TLC. Your not going to find a soul mate that believes everything you do. My grandparents were married for 65 years, and the secret to staying married that long? Understand your differences and work with each other in those areas. I know this is your friend, and not lover, but same idea carries forward.

You have a pretentious outlook on the situation. The way I read it, this guy is holding you back in your eyes. You say you haven't really seen the guy in the past couple months, so that doesn't really pan out. What goals are you trying to reach? How does this guy stand in the way?

IMO, stop using this guy as an excuse and live your life the way you have dreamed. Stop using excuses. If this guy follows your lead, then great. If he bails, even better. Don't let someone else stop what your doing, and treat him how you would like to be treated in this situation. Remember, love is the answer at all times. Love your friend, and the rest will follow.

 

[LEF]

I don't trust him it seems

I am really taking your post in considerations bulldog (as displeasing as it maybe) as well as the other posts

I have seen him a couple times in the past months, but less and less

In a way, I am a bit scared and don't want to deal with the troubles he might bring

he hangs around really shady people, sellers of hard drugs and stuff like that

I just don't feel he is trustworthy, I don't like to gamble

it's not that he doesn't listen, it's simply that I don't feel good around him

I do feel he is holding me back a little bit, it's like he is rotting away
smiling when things go bad for others

I see this malicious smile in him from time to time

I have come to the conclusion I don't want to be around this person anymore


bulldog you talk about love being the answer and what not
it makes me wonder if you've ever been wronged in your life

when someone screws you over (if you ever let them) you still stay a loving person ?

 

[Bulldog420]

BTW - guy seems like a little bit of a loner/looser. I am sure he picks up on your actions very fast. Maybe the correct approach is tell him what and how he bothers you, pick one or two things you would love him to stop doing, and ask him nicely to stop. Sometimes all it takes is a light bulb in your brain clicking on to what your doing wrong. Then lead by example and this guy will conform to your way of doing things.


Edit: who in your life is trust worthy? In my 30+ years on this Earth, I find only my wife can hold that much trust of mine. Everybody else, family, friends, enemies all let me down in the end. Trust is a weird thing, I still trust others, however I know some will break that trust. Innocent before guilty, however if dude does something that makes you not trust him (steals, attacks you ext) then by all means ditch him.

Either way, best of luck with your situation. Hope you find a high paying job with your new college degree and move to another area so this is a moot point.

 

[draztik]

This guy is a manipulator and he knows he can manipulate you. This type of personality trait is a tell tale sign of a mental disorder. Your his prey. Once he finds someone he can manipulate he actively pursues them. Especially if you were trying to be his friend. He wants to dominate people. In his mind he probably thinks you belong to him. Those few behaviors you picked up on, for example the sarcasm, and lying, are tools he uses to test who he can manipulate. You should have called him out on it the moment it happened that was your mistake but since you didnt and kept chillin with him in his mind that told him he was able to dominate you. You should cut contact with this guy completely as fast as you can. I'd be careful he may become violent depending on how fucked up this guy is. It's good you picked up on those behaviors now learn from your mistakes.

 

[Bulldog420]

Draztik - you have never lied or been sarcastic before? Crazy you can make that assumption from what the OP said and condemn this guy. IMO, and my opinion only, your attitude is what's wrong with the world. Maybe this guy needs help, not to be dismissed. But hey, if your world is great then what does it matter right?

 

[stoned-trout]

well I like being upfront...tell em to fuck off...then don't answer any calls whatever...if he hangs with bad folks and hard drugs tell him your being watched by undercovers so he should stay clear...if your scared of reprocussions....unless he is insane then your prob screwed anyhow ....

 

[LEF]

Well I have to say that draztik sort of painted a good picture of how I see this person

 

[Former Guest]

I think that was keen insight that draztik picked up on your empathy on the guys situation but then you later commented about the maliciousness of his personality, which really does show later on the degree of manipulation he is capable of. I think ya know what to do

 

[LEF]

I'm no saint by any standards

well you know I couldn't wait any longer
I went to see him at work and I told him I needed to ask him to stop calling me

I told him I had a lot going on and I wanted to make some changes in my life

He acknowledged that he was an unstable person and understood that it's better at this time not to have contact.

He looked pretty happy and said no one was ever this honest with him, he said i'll know where to find him if ever and he said he knew it was coming because I talked to him about it. He said I gathered my balls.

You know I don't feel to nice about talking with "strangers" about this, but I wanted to gain perspective and it was a tough decision for me to make.

I guess we can now close, delete and forget about it.

 

[Bulldog420]

Good for you, and on the surface, good for your friend as well. My second vote was to be honest with him, glad it worked out.

 

[LEF]

thanks bulldog, ladyluckbean as well as everyone else

You know I do acknowledge that it's a possibility that I might create my own set backs and that I might be blaming the guy for my own setbacks

I do feel I acted with integrity and honesty, with myself and as well as him.

I will definitely have time to reflect on things when I have more time for myself

I know I'm not alone withdrawing from the world because we have a lot of isolated people here

I do have some friends that I see from time to time and acquaintances. I am a somewhat sociable person, I do smile at people.

I don't seem to make friends to much, they happen, but hey I can always join some clubs or do some activities
I feel like it's now or never to get a job and start to make some money and get on with my life

I know some really good people but it seems I really like my privacy and trust is a hard thing to earn

I feel we could say it's sort of way of the world

you know the saying

it's me or you

 

[Jellyfish]

he hangs around really shady people, sellers of hard drugs and stuff like that

This is enough of a reason to dump your 'friend', but actually you don't need a reason at all if you're just sick of the guy.

 

[Red Berry]

tldr.


just watch a lot of porn and they will go away.

 

[LEF]

tldr.


just watch a lot of porn and they will go away.

yeah well you'd be surprised, you might find some people that enjoy watching it with you

 

[yortbogey]

closed as requested by LEF