Weird - Wacky - Funny News

[Robrites]

Canadian woman writes own obituary, says she has ‘smoking hot body she always wanted’

Canadian woman writes own obituary, says she has ‘smoking hot body she always wanted’

A Canadian woman had a humorous final say on her life after writing her own obituary.
Sybil Marie Hicks of Baysville, Ontario, wrote that she passed away on Feb. 2, 2019 and left behind her “loving husband, Ron Hicks,” who she “often affectionately referred to as a ‘Horse’s A—.’”
Hicks wrote that she also “left behind my children whom I tolerated over the years” including her oldest son Bob, who was her favorite. She wrote she would miss seeing her grandchildren “grow up to be the incredible people they are meant to be.”
https://www.foxnews.com/politics/ke...ation-with-trump-white-house-obituary-claimed



Hicks included other details about her life, like her graduation from Hamilton General Hospital School Nursing in 1957 and that she was a member of the Lion’s Club in Baysville.
“I finally have the smoking hot body I have always wanted… having been cremated,” she wrote.
Hicks called on others to celebrate her life.
“For those of you who are wondering who assisted me in writing this… it wasn’t my husband, it wasn’t my oldest, nor it was my youngest…Thank you all for sharing my life with me. I am off to swim to the buoy and back,” she concluded.
https://www.foxnews.com/us/womans-obituary-takes-a-dark-turn-world-is-a-better-place-without-her
Hicks’s obituary appeared in the Hamilton Spectator on Feb. 5.
She has since become a posthumous social media celebrity.
“Sybil Marie Hicks passed away this week at the age of 82, and man did she go out swinging,” a social media user tweeted.
“Sybil Hicks we didn’t deserve you,” a tweet read.
“Best obituary award goes to Sybil Marie Hicks,” a tweet read.

 

[Robrites]

 

[Robrites]

 

[Robrites]

 

[Rocky Mtn Squid]

Frozen cat covered in ice survives after vets rally to thaw her

Frozen cat covered in ice survives after vets rally to thaw her

There’s a saying in medicine: You’re not dead until you’re warm and dead. Turns out it applies to cats, too.

The polar vortex was raging in the Upper Midwest last week, and temperatures had dropped below zero on the morning of Jan. 31 in the city of Kalispell, Mont., near Glacier National Park. Fluffy — a northwest Montana native and usually confident outdoor cat — got into some trouble.

Fluffy’s owners, who did not want to be identified, found her covered in thick chunks of ice and snow near their home last week. They scooped her up and immediately drove her to the vet, which is probably what saved her life.

“She was frozen,” said Andrea Dutter, executive director of the Animal Clinic of Kalispell. It wasn’t a rock-solid kind of frozen. But her body temperature was below what the clinic’s thermometers could read — 90 degrees. A cat’s normal internal body temperature is 101 degrees.

“We immediately began to warm her up,” Dutter said. “Warm water, heating pads, hot towels . . . within an hour she started grumbling at us.”

Fluffy is an indoor-outdoor cat who knows her surroundings well, Dutter said. Once she was thawed, the veterinarians discovered that the cat had suffered an injury that prevented her from getting back to the house, although by the time Fluffy reached the clinic, being frozen was her main problem.

Exactly one week later, Fluffy is warm and thriving, and she isn’t planning any more outdoor adventures.


Source :https://www.washingtonpost.com/science/2019/02/07/frozen-cat-covered-ice-survives-after-vets-rally-thaw-her/?utm_term=.3f2c79821b0d&noredirect=on


RMS

 

[Jellyfish]

Awwwwwww, Fluffy!

 

[armedoldhippy]

never saw a catsicle before...

 

[Jellyfish]

Back to you, Stacy...

 

[Robrites]

 

[Robrites]

 

[Stoner4Life]

Pot smokers find caged tiger in abandoned house
Associated Press•February 12, 2019

Houston police say some people who went into an abandoned home to smoke marijuana found a caged tiger. (Feb. 12)

in other articles I found the cat is being relocated within Texas, those stoners will return.......

 

[Robrites]

 

[Rocky Mtn Squid]

‘Too much masturbation’ makes it hard to join Chinese army

‘Too much masturbation’ makes it hard to join Chinese army

Habits such as excessive masturbation and an over indulgence in soft drinks have been pinpointed as reasons for a poor crop of youths trying out for the China’s People’s Liberation Army (PLA).
Alarm bells are ringing within security circles in China over the condition of potential army recruits, with the Ministry of Defence reporting a “staggering” increase in physical examination failures among hopefuls.

According to the report, failure reached 56.9 per cent this year in one unidentified city.

“Seeing an 18-year-old man in a bunch of twists and turns in the physical examination [gave us] cause for thought. What is the problem?” the report on the ministry website asks.Well, the conclusion appears to be, according to those charged with China’s defence, that poor dietary decisions and lifestyle habits are crippling wannabe soldiers’ potential.

Well, the conclusion appears to be, according to those charged with China’s defence, that poor dietary decisions and lifestyle habits are crippling wannabe soldiers’ potential.

Ailments consistently discovered during examinations included liver and kidney damage.

“Some experts believes the reasons [to be].... Long-term consumption of soft drinks… wineMeanwhile, a dependence on mobile and computer devices accounted for 46 per cent of army trialist failures, with the fixation on screens apparently hampering their depth of vision.

Strangely, masturbation is also seen as problem affecting the future ranks of the Chinese military, with the Ministry of Defence warning that it causes enlarged varicose veins.

The news has resulted in a number of people mocking the condition of prospective soldiers online.

However, the People’s Liberation Army has since moved to quell fears over the quality of successful recruits.

“The quality of our recruits is guaranteed, and the headwaters of our military will flow long and strong,” a PLA statement read.


Source: https://www.rt.com/viral/400792-china-army-recruits-masturbation/


RMS

 

[Robrites]

 

[Robrites]

 

[White Beard]

Pot smokers find caged tiger in abandoned house
Associated Press•February 12, 2019

Houston police say some people who went into an abandoned home to smoke marijuana found a caged tiger. (Feb. 12)

View Image

in other articles I found the cat is being relocated within Texas, those stoners will return.......

...In the old Helena district?

 

[Robrites]

20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day

20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day

Americans all across the country once again prepared for Valentine’s Day by carefully thinning their pubis.
WASHINGTON—Flushed with anticipation and ready to emerge from another long, cold winter, millions of Americans participated this week in the annual tradition of trimming their pubic regions in time for Valentine’s Day.
A ritual as old as time itself, this year’s pubis-shearing is expected to be among the largest in decades, with more than 20,000 tons of curly clippings predicted to fall by Feb. 14.
“My boyfriend and I are going to see As You Like It and then enjoy a nice candlelit three-course dinner,” said Brooklyn resident Lydia Simonson, who along with many other hopeful lovers will soon excuse herself from her daily duties, retreat to a nearby bathroom, and carefully tend to the area around her genitalia. “It’s going to be so romantic!”
Indeed, tiny scissors and electric razors have already begun to fly off drugstore shelves, while all across the country legs are dangling precariously over open bathtub drains. According to statistics from the National Depilatory Council, the week before Valentine’s Day is by far the busiest time of the year for shaving, trimming, sculpting, playful pattern-making, waxing, and even manscaping.
“David and I are going to take a long walk around the park and then maybe on the way home we’ll stop and grab some ice cream,” said Julie Stibbons, a Dallas-area design consultant who recently made use of grooming shears, a pair of tweezers, and two magnifying mirrors to contribute her 0.4 ounces to the nation’s total raw tonnage. “I wonder if David will send me flowers at work like last year.”
Added Stibbons, whose smooth vaginal region will show no signs of stubble for days to come, “He’s just so wonderful.”
While this year promises to be prolific, experts said the country has gone through many personal grooming phases over the years. In 1947, the first year records were kept, Americans only mowed about 1.25 tons off their “crotch lawns,” while in the mid-1970s private trimmings were so rare that documentation was actually abandoned until 1981.
But with the booming economy of the 1990s, the U.S. saw a significant resurgence in pre–Valentine’s Day shearing and plucking.
“There’s a huge spike every year in the first half of February,” said Brooks Watson, who is head of sales at Schick, makers of the TrimStyle razor for women. “The rest of the year, Americans generate about 50,000 tons of total trimmings, but in the week before this special holiday we see a massive jump. It’s a veritable clear-cutting down there.”
“Bzzzzzzzz,” he added. “Timber!”
According to Schick’s marketing research, during the Valentine’s season, U.S. pubic hair removal rates briefly approach those of Brazil, traditionally the smoothest country on the planet. While Americans seem willing to chop it all off for their annual celebration of romance, personal trimming still varies by season, and plummets to levels almost as low as Greece’s during the week of Thanksgiving.
“If I trim the shrubs, the tree looks bigger,” said Jeremy Wertz of Boise, ID, standing in front of his hall mirror with a pair of scissors taken from his employer’s supply closet. “See? Worth the itching, if you ask me.”
While many consider the practice a time-honored tradition, not all Americans share Wertz’s enthusiasm.


“I’m not going to let corporate America dictate the date or time at which I choose to groom my genitals,” said Denver resident Marcus Shannon, adding that Valentine’s Day was “invented by the razor industry” to sell grooming devices. “If you really love somebody, you should shave your pubes year-round.”
Meanwhile, National Depilatory Council director Donna Spaulding said the sudden nationwide surge in follicular concern is understandable, but she urged caution.
“We all want to look good and feel desirable, but it’s important to keep things in perspective,” Spaulding said. “In the end, you want people to love your pubic region for what’s inside, not just for how it looks.”

 

[Robrites]

 

[shithawk420]

View Image

Well looks like I BEAT the record.put me in the Guinness

 

[Robrites]