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Weird - Wacky - Funny News

R

Robrites

Ah, Portland, Oregon

Ah, Portland, Oregon

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R

Robrites

Cops: Lady with pot, no license crashes into patrol car at the jail

Cops: Lady with pot, no license crashes into patrol car at the jail

ST. LUCIE COUNTY — Here are some things you probably shouldn’t do:
1. Crash into a St. Lucie County sheriff’s patrol car at the jail
2. Drive on a suspended license
3. Have marijuana in your bag
A 33-year-old woman stands accused May 11 of simultaneously accomplishing all three at the St. Lucie County Jail in the 900 block of North Rock Road, according to an arrest affidavit.


A sheriff’s deputy reported he was in his patrol car when a Chevrolet Tahoe parked in the visitor parking area.
The Tahoe, which investigators say was driven by Kelly Lynn Dendler, then moved to the department parking area.
More: Rampaging naked man jailed in Vero Beach
“Dendler stated she parked in the visitor parking first but Dendler said, ‘I was lazy and wanted to park closer,’” the affidavit states. “Dendler said she passed a parking spot, put her vehicle in reverse and backed into (a deputy’s) patrol car.”
In the Tahoe, investigators reported finding a makeup bag with a container of marijuana and a wooden pipe.
More: Singing fish hits man in head in Sebastian
Dendler, of the 200 block of Southeast Grove Avenue in Port St. Lucie, was arrested on charges including knowingly driving while her license is suspended, possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.
 
R

Robrites

Report: Kentucky man arrested again after stealing jumpsuit from jail

Report: Kentucky man arrested again after stealing jumpsuit from jail

PRESTONSBURG, Ky. (WKYT/WYMT) - A Kentucky man is back behind bars after police say he stole a jumpsuit from the jail.
Sister station WYMT reports Ron Charles was arrested after leaving jail when Prestonsburg police responded to a complaint of a man running with an orange jumpsuit.
Police tell the station Charles admitted to taking the jumpsuit because he thought it would be "cool." The jail confirmed the jumpsuit was stolen.
Charles was charged with disorderly conduct, menacing and theft. He was previously arrested Tuesday for public intoxication, possession of marijuana and carrying a concealed weapon.
 
R

Robrites

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From a different post:




My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
"My what?"
Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
"Wtf is a poop knife?"
Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.


[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
 
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