thoughts in the nite..

[lumberjack.mr]

well, if you ever have the opportunity to attend an ACM Televised event; forget it! The absolute worst show, with the best seats! We first got to sit thru three hours of down pour and lightning, before they stated the show, and then it was for only one song from each performer, and the songs sucked!, as bad as the weather! By the time they were setting for the fourth artist, we left for home, and a warm bed!
I finally got some Peyote Purple seed! I have never heard of the breeder, but since they vend thru Herbies.. Supposed to test @ 26-29%! Can almost smell the aroma now! Pic's will follow, in albums, and will advise of traits..
Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend, and the rainbow shines bright in your eyes!
Lj.mike

 

[armedoldhippy]

sorry you got screwed by the weather & the ACM. if yer gonna get fucked, might as well have professionals do it though, right? the seeds sound interesting. if the THC level is only off by 50%, that is still going to be pretty dang good. know anything about its makeup? indica, sativa, hybrid? can't wait to see the show...

 

[lumberjack.mr]

Some days are better staying in bed!
For anyone wondering; when your spouse tells you your marriage is beyond repair, and the only reason they are still here is because you are sick, and it would cost too much to leave with just half- it rips a persons heart out, and slaughters any belief that you may hold onto, for whatever reason!
sadly; it has been my experience, once one person in a marriage starts speaking of the end of a marriage, it usually ends soon thereafter. The worst part of it all is the impact it will have on our daughters. Seems my wife wants to follow in her Mother's foot steps, and her sisters, and add another broken home to the list! I am waiting for the day when she comes home and tells me she has found another, or I simply just became - Not Good Enough, for her. I am sure of one thing- I would rather die alone and comforted by my integrity, honor, and morality, than be lied too, and cheated on, by the one person in this world that I believed in above all others!
seems my loving wife, turned a couple of hours for dinner with her life long friend, at a high school reunion, for a high school she, nor her friend graduated from- into a late nite drunk, and a chip on her shoulder when she got home.
Then, on top of all the other crap, she accuses me of lying to her about my trips to Austin to testify before the Senate Criminal Jurisprudence Committee! All I could say was watch the fucking video, then call me a liar again! I am spending my time trying to help others, and she is spending her time trying to help herself! Pretty sad state of living. I hope when I am gone, our daughters don't despise her, the way she despises her mother, for turning into a barfly, and abandoning her and her brothers for weeks at a time! Even more destructive is the fact that her mother was a two faced , cheating bitch, and the only reason that her mother is with her step father is because he was fucking her, to get even with her biological father, for ripping him off on a weed deal! Real Classy people! One step from trailer trash, and two step past respectable! White trash , is the term that comes to mind, but I know race has nothing to do with it!
Mad enough to fight! When it comes to my home, and my children- the gloves are off, and the rules are simple- Don't ever give in, or up! Great way to start the day. Lj.mike

 

[lumberjack.mr]

Happy 420 everyone!

 

[armedoldhippy]

Happy 420 everyone!

same to you, LJ! hope things turn for the better for you.

 

[lumberjack.mr]

be really glad when I can just sit back and enjoy watching my garden grow. all of this activism stuff is starting to hinder my efforts .. I have finally got the GG#4 large enough to start taking cuts from, but I think I 'll let her grow a little more, to be sure she doesn't die from shock.. I need to get some of my autoflower strains to seed out , but every time I find a male to collect pollen from, my ole'lady freaks out about these small 8" tall plants being out in the sun! I try to explain that I need the seed, and that nobody driving by on the hyw. at 60+ mph, is going to notice two little plants on our front porch- ~100; from the dam road!. I swear I have more restrictions on my actions now, than I ever did as a child! A little asshole ripped me off on a 1500. $ deal- no sweat, he will have to deal with the KARMA? My ass!, He can deal with me! My wife has turned everything we do into two categories - things that might interfere with her efforts to obtain a nursing degree, and the rest...the things that will effect her efforts toward obtaining a degree! Everything that doesn't fall into one category, certainly falls into the other! It's like living with a paranoid little child, hiding from the spying eyes of constant scrutiny! she has absolutely no faith in the burdens I place upon myself, in the efforts to bring reform to the laws, or the way people view the topic! I can stand living in fear! Every time in my life that someone has threatened me in any way: I call them on it on the spot! I spent too god dam many years hiding in the shadows, and trying to survive, despite the ridicule , and persecution of my will to carry on the torch! I keep presenting the literature to back up the information I spread here, and on facebook, and it's like she see' the pages, but refuses to read or believe the facts! The information I post is merely some bothersome pop-up, to scroll past and ignore! and the Gap between us grows wider everyday! I spoke in front of over a thousand people a couple of days ago. I am due to speak in front of ten times that amount- and much more, on May 2nd, at the world March for an End Of Prohibition, and no one has even offered to go with me, or expressed any pride in my efforts! I am so deeply disappointed in the people I have known as Family, for all of the years of my life, the ones I was taught to believe in, have turned their backs on me, out of fear that I will bring attention to their lame ass bag of weed in the top drawer of the dresser! I get so dam frustrated! At this point in my life, the only people who are behind me on this, is my son and daughter in Wa., and the folks that run the organizations thru which I make my efforts known. I know if my son, or brother, and dam sure if my Father was going to the capitol to present testimony to the State senate, and House of Representatives, I would be there to see it - even if I didn't give a dam about the topic! worse yet is the fact that there is not among them one person, who hasn't taken weed from my hands, for their amusement, or "Recreational use". I say this now; when my efforts, and the efforts of all of the people who I represent, do bear fruit; everyone in my Family- is going to be banned from my dispensary! You don't take part in the work, you definitely don't take part in the Harvest!
Every time I even try to talk to my wife about my efforts, or the next engagement to speak, she rebuffs me with" I don't want to know anything about your pot!" this is the same dam person who was raised on the proceeds of CARTEL trafficking, by her mother's husband, who happens to be one of the largest dealers of CArtel Weed, in North Texas! Even the dam Tattooo shop that her step father owns, was paid for with $$$ that they owed the cartel, but had no way of getting it to them, due to their supplier being busted with 6 semi trailers full of weed! He stole the 40k that was supposed to be used to re=up, and used it to buy all of the equipment, advertising, and merchandise to supply the shop! For three months, every time we went to visit with them, we had to make sure all of the doors were locked, and the kids stayed away from the Ak behind the door! It's just sheer luck, that her step father and his buddies aren't behind bars for the rest of their lives! If he had gone to make payment and re=supply on schedule, he wouldn't be here now, the dam tattoo shop would be a dream that never came true, and he would probably be back in prison, or dead for ripping off the cartel that was supplying him, and half of north Texas!
I realize that she has been raised in a very paranoid environment, but I refuse to live like that!~ Even more, I refuse to allow my daughters to live with the fear that she carries with her every day! If we have to move from here to be closer to freedom- so we wont have to worry about someone kicking in our doors and robbing us at gun point, and then killing us if we try to defend our home, or loved ones! This is NOT FREEDOM !! What the hell is wrong with all of the dam politicians? The truth is out! Reschedule the dam plant according to the science, and guild lines to classify the schedule of any controlled substance, established by SCIENCE! The air of revolution is getting thicker by the day! One day soon, the people of this land are going to say" Enough is Enough"! All of that foreign aid that we keep sending abroad- despite our being trillions of dollars in debt- is going to dry up real fast! The Boston tea Party, was involving several hundred people, the Cannabis Party is involving MILLIIONS od PEOPLE! Might also do well to note : 80+% of the homes in Texas ` Are armed heavily, and have a storage of weapons and ammunition, to defend our homes, and interest! Sorry for the Rant... Activist at heart, patiently awaiting my demise.
Hope everyone is safe and in comfort. Lj.mike

 

[lumberjack.mr]

Back to Austin, on the 28th, to testify before the public health committee! I have been contacted by two Senators, in regard to the legislation before the house, and Senate of Texas! This is the Big one for me: Medical use- whole plant medicine! Hb3785 ! Wish me luck, I have to leave home before 4am, to be at the capitol at 8:am, to testify in the afternoon, and drive back home for dialysis. Going to be a Very Long Day.. Activism takes Acts! lj.mike

 

[lumberjack.mr]

once again , I am on my own to figure out how to get to Austin, and get dialysis that day too. I asked my loving wife- nope- she has to study, and can't do it here at home with the kids, of sitting I a chair somewhere in the Capitol, so I can be there to speak in behalf of the representatives that have requested my testimony! I am so dam disappointed in the person I believed in for so many years! We dam near got a divorce over me having started a grow in a 2x4 closet! Frickin hell ! I can only flower out two plants at a time, and even they are yielding less than a few ounces each! When did my wife become such a dam coward? Bad LAW is BAd FAith ! Bad Faith in the representatives that are in office, and bad faith in the Senators that are doing all they can to eject the legislation, and continue the persecution of the PATIENTS in their respective districts! No one seems to care that my trips to the capitol are paid for out of my own pocket, and involve me traveling several hundred miles, waiting around to testify, and then driving several hundred miles home to dialysis! Last time I went to testify, it involved a 28 hour effort, and I wasn't able to finish my testimony until after 1:30am, and then had to drive 5 hours back home, to be at dialysis at 11:am. By the time I got home at 6;30am, I was too exhausted to even lay down for a bit, because my wife had errands to run, and there would be nobody there to awaken me in time to make my chair time! Hell yes; I jumped into this fight with both feet, but it wasn't until I experience over 6 weeks of no seizures- due entirely to the use of RSO!
I'm not even allowed to discuss what I am doing around our children, for fear they will go to school and divulge the information unwittingly, and bring unwanted scrutiny upon her, and I.

 

[lumberjack.mr]

I went to Austin again!. This time was much more productive, and I truly believe the House representatives were very open and willing to change to standards! If you would like to see my testimony;[ tx.gov.house of representatives /public health committee video archive 4/28/15 ]. I am the first one to testify on the bills before the committee pertaining to the legalization of medical use. The bills are Hb837, and Hb3785. we were only allowed three minutes to speak, and there were far too many people to all testify. I think Texas is well on it's way to legalizing medical use, however the outright legalization will not likely become a reality until it happens on a federal level. I can say this; as hard as it is on my body to do, I will continue to fight this battle in everyway possible! The testimony I witnessed in this hearing is very sad, and very compelling. I had the privilege of speaking one on one with most of the members of the panel, prior to the hearing, and they all were very welcoming, and interested in the stories of all of the people who were there. Time didn't allow for that, but the few that were allowed to speak, and very compelling, and heart wrenching testimonies of the prolonged battles, with Cancer and many other illnesses. I am honored to have been selected to speak. Hope I made as big of a difference in the way the legislators look upon this topic, and vote! Lj.mike

 

[lumberjack.mr]

Seems my life has come to something of an impasse. My wife of ten years, and our two daughters, have left, and filed for divorce. It appears that the activism, and trips to Austin to testify before committees, and meet with the representatives in their offices ,and on the floor- has arisen a fear in her of imminent danger to her attempt to obtain a degree in Nursing, and therewith provide a stable home for her and the kids. I am so devastated. I can hardly breath. My entire support network, and my heart have failed me.
I have hoped that she would be proud of me, and the efforts I am putting forward to advance the bills thru the house committees and onto the floor for debate and vote! All I hold dearest in the world is walk from my life into the unknown, and I am at once again in my castle alone. I am so lost without her and the kids. For ten years we have had a marriage that the entire world marveled upon. The more time she spent at school, and away from home, the more time I spent on speaking at events, and at the capitol in Austin. I am scheduled to speak at the Texas March in Austin this Saturday, in front of an expected audience of over ten thousand! I am absolutely dedicated to the fight to end prohibition of cannabis, but the price I am paying is sorrowfully devastating, and equally blinding. I keep hearing her words, her weapons- our marriage is pathetic, the only reason we are together is due to your disease, and how I don't satisfy her in any way , other than being faithful and a devoted and loving father. I don't know whether to be overwhelmed with grief, or anger. I know the cause I am standing for is a moral obligation to me, and defines the character of the person I am, the same person she fell in love with and has stood by through the worst, and happiest moments of my life. I was called by a Rep. of the House of Texas, and told that it was the testimony I provided the committee, that swayed his decision on which way he would vote, and it was this same decision and vote that got the Decriminalization bill out of committee, and into the chamber of Calendar. I know that this efforts I am putting out are reaping benefits that will change the lives of millions of people, not just leg stoners get stoned! I have stood by my wife in times of our greatest sorrows, and our greatest experiences; the births of our children. I can not imagine how this can stand, but I sit in waiting for the service of Divorce papers, in a case that she already has retained counsel for, and filed at the courthouse. I know her fears are legitimate, My actions draw and enormous amount of attention to me, and subsequently her. I have spoken with an attorney, and presented retainer fee, but I in now way possible want our lives, and our family separated, divided, and especially not divorced!
I have tried so many times to explain to her that I have PTSD, and subsequently my anger explodes, when pushed over the triggers.. I have never raised my hand to her, I have never been unfaithful to her in any way, And I have loved her unconditionally within the vows of our marriage, and in every aspect of my life, and hers. The more time she spent away from home, at the college or the house of whom ever she was studying with that day, or evening, the more distant the rift between us became. I , left here to dwell on my loneliness, and lack of opinion that I was allowed in our home, began to drink from the pool of information available on the web, became involved with numerous orgainzations, and became something of a keynote speaker, and several rally' and protest marches. I went from just having a few - and all our family members, to having a great many friends and contacts, in fellow patriots of the cause. When it occurred to her that I was not posting any information about her and the kids, I tried to explain to here; keeping my personal life , in a les prominent role on the social media pages, was in the best interest of our safety, and privacy. I tried to explain to her that WHile she has control over how much time she spends away from me- to an extent, I have very little control over how much time is spent where. I have to be at the center, for my treatment every other day, no matter how confused or chaotic my life may be. I have no choice. I understand how she feels like she has been abandoned; I feel equally abandoned myself. Our entie marriage, she and I have been - less the advocates of religion, yet on top of all of the other things that have diminished our time together, she also now is going to church, and bible study, and dinner nites with church groups, with the kids in tow, and again leaving me to sit here in the house and ponder her absence, and my solitude, and again to become more involved in the activism. I see how we have become disenchanted with our relationship, I am not able to spend a fraction of the time I have had unlimited availability to for so many years. All we have done for the last several years is prepare for the demise that awaits me. Her education, our wills,, buying our home and property, and renovating, and building a home together, and securing residual income to assist her in her' and the girls needs, was all for not. The first 7 years of our marriage, I was still able to work, and operate my company , making several thousand dollars a week, and she stayed home with the girls, and we were happier than I have ever been in my life. every room of our home is bathed in pictures and mementos of our love and the many places it has taken us. When I became too ill to continue working, or attending classes at the college, we became more of married in passage, than in person. This is so dreadfully wrong to me. I have tried so many times to explain to her that what I am doing , even though she has no interest of belief, is every bit as important to me, as her nursing degree is to her! I tried so tearfully to explain that this legislation will change our lives, and end our financial difficulties for good. I fully intend to be owner of a dispensary, and I know that the financial opportunity is enormous. How can I convince her? I had hoped the events I have spoken at, and the thousands of people who were in audience, would have opened her eyes to the very real need of medicinal use, and the peril I endure when I am unable to obtain the oils I need to suppress the seizure activity. She has been in the office of three of my physicians, and all of who have told her and I that I would be better off if I moved to a state that has medical use. All of these doctors are top specialist in their respective fields, and all have directed me- in her presence, to obtain, use, and continue use of cannabis. I am having a hard time accepting that she can be so fear riddled that she would break up our home, and our love, and contradict direct orders from three specialist, for fear of repercussions from my political expressions. I asked myself; would this all go away if legalization happened today? I sorrowfully must admit, I do not believe so. I have no question of her having been faithful to me for all of the years of our time together, and to this day yet. Now I must face the very real possibility that monogamous aspects of our relationship are in danger, and if the events of the prior days hold consistent, it is only a matter of time, until a night out with the girls turns into a morning of regret. What have I done to so warrant this misery? Am I not suffered enough, within the demise that I stave off every day, and the life that has left me in the condition I am, and the loneliness I so despair. Lj.mike

 

[lumberjack.mr]

What am I to do?

 

[wolfhoundaddy]

I wouldn't let the lack of response throw you off. I'm sure everyone following your posts feels your pain. You gotta deal with it just like everything in life.

 

[lumberjack.mr]

still stuttering, and lost in a vast emptiness. Still no visitation with my girls, and still no anything from my wife, aside from the divorce papers, it's like her and the kids just went to school a couple of weeks ago, and never came home! I am not even allowed to talk to them on the phone! This is so wrong! Lj.mike

 

[PrimalHaze]

Hey Lumberjack-- i'm sorry to hear of your struggles. Make sure you put your family first. It can be hard being with someone who isn't supportive of growing and such, but it's even harder being without them.

 

[Runt]

lumberjack: I hope you have someone to talk to, if you´re on your own everything is just so much darker. I good therapist/councellor wouldn´t be a bad idea either. Time does heal so we need to take the time to heal -cliché but also true. And please don´t lose contact with your kids. Peace

 

[aridbud]

Hoping new month, better visions. Sorry to hear of your woes...and at the most inopportune time. Take care of YOU!

 

[lumberjack.mr]

thanks Arid, I am having a lot of hard times at the moment. My home has been searched, and my nothing was here, but only because I suspected either my soon to be x-wife, or her family, would turn snitch in a heartbeat if anything happened to them, or maybe just because... Sure enough, her step father, with his parolee son in tow, went to a known dealer's house- that was under surveillance, and got busted when they left, with am ounce of weed, and a story about this dying guy that has a grow operation going in his home ! Of course that was after he gave up the guy he got it from, and called him to arrange a meeting! What a bunch of CLASSY people! Just goes to show- you can put a goat in a suit, but it still stinks! All of the money that family has inherited, and they are still just trash!
Needless to say, all of my garden has been spread among associates, but nothing is working very well, and all that got moved has gone into shock, and will probably go herm!
Even worse, the last few auto seeds I had, were growing out for more seed, and they got drowned in the recent flooding we have had here! I was going to contact you and see how to go about getting some more, but thought to wait a bit before I have anything sent to me... Plus I am limited on money- to the last dime- and don't know how much they will cost or if it is even an option at this time. I am really down now, but I will climb back up the ladder in time... I truly appreciate your kind words, and encouragement. Peace bro, Lj,mike

 

[lumberjack.mr]

maybe time for the bucket list. Certainly not for any kind of compassion or reservations !

 

[lumberjack.mr]

the days keep getting more ludicrous every time the sun rises! Now there is a protection order against me, and I am once again not allowed to see my children until the july first court date! I am missing my island home so dearly. I am waiting with abated breath to see what the courts are going to do, and when or if I will be able to return to the ranch on Kauai. I miss my Aloha Ohona so much! Nui loa - not! Coma mak'e coma iana .. Soon.
Thanks for the support folks, and patients. I will be back on top soon, and back in the damn saddle again... lj.mike

 

[armedoldhippy]

July 1st! tell me bro, how did it go? praying for good news for you on this end! PM if you don't want to spit it out ...