The Original O'l Farts Club.

[Unca Walt]

A kid knocking on the bedroom door. My youngest woke up once while I was in the act. I look over and this little dude has pulled himself on his feet in the crib and was watching. Yeah that pretty much killed the mood. Dada didn’t want to beat mommy up after that
At least when the dog would watch I could tell it to get the fuk on and it would leave. Yes my dog knows the F word. He knows if that gets added to the sentence it’s a good idea to disappear

Ah, the joy of children. It was over fifty years ago, but I remember it very clearly:

I was happily rogering my beautiful redhead when the bedroom door burst open and my three-year old son goes running by the bed without seeing us, yelling, "I GOTTA GO POTTY!"

 

[Unca Walt]

Once again I had a "Close Encounter of the Cannabis Kind"
3 of the newly made RSO caps at 4pm as I was still feeling a few twinges from the old Stoma site after my transplanting adventures.

I was fine for a couple hours until just about exactly the last bite of the fabulous Del Taco dinner we were having. 6pm or so.

Suddenly Mr. Velvet Sledgehammer snuck up and Whacked me upside the bloody head to where it was lay down or fall down. I'm stoned off my ass and have the overwhelming urge to pee.

Even then I was OK. Keep thinking I just took a bit to much and it'll ease up in a bit. NOPE, nada, Kept building and building and I reached that moment when you think I really misjudged the dose and I'm in serious trouble. And over riding it all was the urge to take a whizz. But I can't. It's just urge and it is really a pressing I'm going to pee myself URGE!

Vision went tunnel, Audio was way to loud, Skin had the crawlies, Hot flushed then freezing cold the next moment.
I still need to PEE

Spins came on and I thought I was going to lose my dinner when the room started to get cranked up and I had to hold on as the damn planet tried it's best to throw me off.
GOD let me just PEE !!

Now I really don't feel well. My belly hurts and I'm FUCKING Miserable and have been for 3 hours now. Keep biting my tongue and chanting to myself " I will NOT call 911 and report a Cannabis overdose. NOPE !!!"
I still have to FUCKING PEE !!!

Somewhere around 1 am in flat out exhaustion I passed out and didn't wake till 6am.
WHEW !!!!! Mother of God what a Ride.
Damn I think this one gets moved up to the #1 slot of Wow did I ever misjudge that dose.
I never did get to Pee.

July 2020

Holy shit. WTF is an RSO cap? Crikey that is strong enough to affect anyone that even looks like you!

 

[Unca Walt]

You remember years back when a new father would give out cigars.

When my step dad caught me smoking tobacco he forced me to smoke a cigar thinking it would stop me smoking.

My father told me it was OK to chew tobacco. I was 13. Bought a plug. It really did smell nice. We sat down on the porch and bit off some.

It wasn't thirty seconds before cold saliva came pouring into my mouth and my stomach gave me a shrill warning of things to come.

I was barfing over the rail into the flowerbed and my Unca Harry and my father were laughing like they'd just had a fresh lobotomy.

Unca Harry shouted helpfully:

"If you feel something hairy, swallow quick, or you'll turn inside out!"

 

[Gray Wolf]

View attachment 19106696

The sound of a 12-gauge chambering a round.

Odor.

Obvious STD.

Discovering male genitals.

Smoke alarm.

Door bell.

Bedroom door opening.

A sudden bout of diarrhea.

Leaky water bed.

Someone unattractive or appealing.

No erection.

A blood relative.

A fee required.

The word no.

 

[Unca Walt]

My gramps had stashes of candy hidden around the house. Grandma would give him shit for hiding candy. He did not look after himself very well. When he passed away he was not recognizable as my grandfather, he was a shell of his former self. It was so sad to see a big strong man waste away in sickness.

I never had a grandfather. I was too poor. Folks who were born in the 19th century died young -- average lifespan was 40 years. My daddy was born in 1902. He lasted 80 years, so he beat the current average.

 

[Gray Wolf]

Good morning brothers and sisters.

A cloudy day starting at 39F and predicted to reach 48F.

We picked the Ford EV up from the dealership yesterday and it not only works fine now, they didn't charge us.
If it isn't one thing however it is another and the photo electric switch for the automatic driveway lights went out and so I ordered another one, which is due today.

Gym first thing this morning and then an open calendar until the photo electric switch arrives,

 

[giggy]

Morning everybody, happy Thanksgiving eve. Finally got my medical records, so I got the ball rolling, hope to hear something soon. For those who fo, have a Happy Thanksgiving. For those who don't, have a great day.

 

[Unca Walt]

Hmm - I think it works the other way too - many Europeans are unaware that America has several time zones - I've often been asked 'What time is it it America now?' - by those unaware of the time differences - from East to West coast USA - all down to education I suppose -
I was born in England - but moved to the USA for 5 years in 1977 - and moved around a fair bit - east to west - north to south - so different time zones were a thing -

Here's what I like about Floriduh:

It has both an east and a west coast. And really, a southern coast.

This state is unique in that it has TWO time zones.

Meh. Feh. Peh. Let's increase that uniqueness by a full order of magnitude. <-- "Booshit, Unca, that'd be impossible!" shout the crowd of Young Grasshoppers.

How about a time zone INSIDE a time zone? Floriduh has one. Nothing like it in the world. Lookit the map:

 

[Unca Walt]

I guess it takes a traveler to have time zones as part of your normal awareness.

Back when I traveled a lot (I was the opposite of a salesman) I would get totally screwed up as to time.

Here's an entry I wrote in a diary while in the Lai-Lai Hotel in Taipei after traveling for untold hours:

"My watch says it is 3:30. I do not know if that is a.m. or p.m."

 

[Unca Walt]

How did you avoid getting stung on the arse - by the mossies or the yellow jackets? - or was it a blood buffet - every day - in that outhouse - for all them flying and creepy crawl'in insects - with you - on the menu -

I've known that feeling - squatting on an Asian toilet - SQUATTING and SWATTING! - where you'd get eaten alive - if you were constipated - and hung around too long -

- generally feelings of personal security are heightened - when ya pants are around ya ankles - so being attacked by insects - brings the flight or fight instinct into play - those that take flight as an option - halfway thru the ablutions - could experience injury - and a stinky mess - whilst trying to flee - those that choose to fight - should be well armed with swatting devices and bug spray -

OH SHIT!!! Now ya goned and doned triggered a memory I just gotta share with youse all so you can taste this every time you eat imported frozen fish:

They got the skeeter problem beat over there in Loveland: In order to take a dump, you walk out on these two thin, long boards** to a sorta mini-shack comprising a hole in the floor, and a thatched roof and walls.

So yer gonna take an Annapolis, and you look down. There are dozens of open-mouthed fish waiting... no shit. Well, I mean -- no shit hits the water, anyway. It's gone with a roar. And the locals had gathered because I guess I was going to be a good "producer".

One of my really weird experiences.

**These people weigh 60-90 pounds. I weighed 225. I did not know if it would hold. Clearly, it did. Clearly, it almost didn't -- so I never, ever tried that again.

 

[Mtn. Nectar]

mornin’ folks….
wouldn’t wanna eat those fish Unc
and you feeling old amigo…..
ganj on…

 

[Yarddog]

Yes, that's right. They got that part of the info, but haven't been told the rest of the world isnt in their time zone. That's why it's only the americans that are doing good morning and good night at seemingly random times to the rest of us who dont do that... because we know not everyone in the internet is not in the same time zone.

Could this be partly why many Europeans see americans as dumb?

I was born in america btw. I just choose not to live there. I left when it got fucked up beyond repair.

It’s a good morning to me, in my time zone. Maybe you look into this whole time thing too much??
It’s a beautiful morning here. Low fog, sun shining the upper levels of fog a bright red in the pale morning sky.
Of course we know the world has different time zones. Even retarded knuckle dragging idiots know that. Maybe your statement adds to the fact that most Americans think European people are stuffy and condescending?? I for one am glad to be an American. No where else on this world I’d rather live than right where I’m at right now.

Food for thought….

 

[Mtn. Nectar]

unbelievable PG&E….5th rate hike this yr…

bills have doubled from ‘18-‘24
payoffs costly when their fault and make us pay for….

 

[Gray Wolf]

Here's what I like about Floriduh:

It has both an east and a west coast. And really, a southern coast.

This state is unique in that it has TWO time zones.

Meh. Feh. Peh. Let's increase that uniqueness by a full order of magnitude. <-- "Booshit, Unca, that'd be impossible!" shout the crowd of Young Grasshoppers.

How about a time zone INSIDE a time zone? Floriduh has one. Nothing like it in the world. Lookit the map:


View attachment 19106790

You left out the part about all the mostly naked women on Florida beaches, as well as regularly getting hit by Atlantic storms on one side and Gulf hurricanes from the other.

 

[Yarddog]

You left out the part about all the mostly naked women on Floriday beaches, as well as regularly getting hit by Atlantic storms on one side and Gulf hurricanes from the other.

Aside from that, Florida is a good state. I don’t want to live there but I enjoy visiting

 

[cola]

Good Morning All (OF's):

Wishing each and every one of you, a pleasant morning, wonderful day, and outstanding evening.
I am currently pretty tied up with projects and work, so wanted to start with a daily check in hello.
Today is duly considered a "hump day". So, I hope and trust all of us will get over any big humps!

See you all tomorrow (again)!

 

[cola]

Up way early for 3 meetings. And late here. A little known Oz group re-formed. Enjoy your morning cuppas, all OF's.

 

[Boo]

Good morning peoples…

 

[Gray Wolf]

Aside from that, Florida is a good state. I don’t want to live there but I enjoy visiting

I have family there and it is a gorgeous place to visit most of the time.

Also lots of gorgeous wildlife, as well as critters that suck blood from them, like mosquitos or eat them outright like snakes, gators and crocs.

The things I like better abouts here is the milder weather, with fewer mosquitos and a dearth of snakes, gators, and crocs.

 

[D. B. Doober]

Good morning everyone I love you it's almost Thanksgiving Me and Mom are celebrating at my apartment, we have 2 folding tables with fondue, charcuterie, desserts, pie, you name it. We bought an animal welfare certified turkey from Whole Foods. Looking forward to the parade and all the food and football and spending time with Mom.