no kids, feeling empty?

[whateverman]

5 years ago I used to take great, smug pleasure in making fun of people with this disposition.

Now I'm 30 and I want kids in my life.

Normal for women, natural being the better word I suppose.


..Then the lingering thought of where I was a few years ago. 5 grand to my name. No hope at financial independence. Now I got it, through some miracle. And the only realistic way I can screw it all up is to have kids with a woman, she leaves and gets half plus child support. Courts despise men in the modern age.

...I can't go back to a day job. Not just for selfish reasons. If I had a few squirts and the misses ended up with half I wouldn't have enough to raise kids in good schools, or otherwise give them a realistic shot at The Dream.

Weighing pro's and con's...I just don't know.

Any other men feeling this way? Or felt this way in the past? Guidance and wisdom appreciated.

 

[Weird]

Can't say I know that feeling but I do know I left my career to raise my kids, changed my outlook on life.

 

[420somewhere]

Wish I found a Jeannie in a bottle.

I love my wife and my son and my life..

But I in a dream I would like a re-do with no wife and no kids

 

[whateverman]

Wish I found a Jeannie in a bottle.

I love my wife and my son and my life..

But I in a dream I would like a re-do with no wife and no kids

Thank you for your honesty. It's rare.

 

[whateverman]

To clarify, empty is the wrong word. I do feel empty but everyone does or at least should.

I wouldn't have kids to fill some void. I just think it would be something that is actually worth doing. Giving everything to raise decent people in a world of shit.

 

[UptownChill]

I never had kids myself. I went through a phase at about 40ish where I had a bit of regret. But, truth be told and I know it's selfish of me, but I don't even want to be bothered with other people's children. Like the wife's grandchildren and nieces and nephews and stuff. Not having the responsibilities of raising children all of these years have afforded me the opportunity to do what I want and to spend my resources on me having fun. I know this is not normal. Most people love and adore their parenting experience. And if everyone was like me? The human race would become extinct. So, it's just me. Not proud of it or anything. I may be too selfish and would have sucked as a parent.

I dunno bro. You just gotta figure out what you wanna do. If you are selfish like me or really able to make that life long commitment to bringing a child in the world.

 

[Genghis Kush]

get a dog

 

[Capt.Ahab]

Children allow you to accept your own mortality.

And it's all fun and games until you are dying alone with no family at your side.
Ive seen it happen many times.

 

[UptownChill]

I got 2 of those 16 years old.

I got 2 of those 16 years old.

get a dog

I raised them from pound pups and they have always lived in the same home come and go inside/outside with a fenced yard. Now that they are old they can barely see or hear and can control their waste. I love them to death and they have been my best buds all of these years. But, after these are gone I'm not getting another. I do have a younger dog, he was a stray I adopted I think he may be about 5. But that's it. They've had a better life than some actual do for their own children.

 

[UptownChill]

Shoot bro, I tell my wife all the time.

Shoot bro, I tell my wife all the time.

Children allow you to accept your own mortality.

And it's all fun and games until you are dying alone with no family at your side.
Ive seen it happen many times.

Don't cry when I'm gone cause I've lived one helluva great life. I've done stuff most norms would never consider. I've been all over the country, bikes, boats, campers, motor homes and have had very satisfying relationships. I move a little slower now and chilling is my favorite thing. I've literally been there done that in every way.

So I get your statement and understand it. But, you're wrong. I'm sure some may die "alone" but, I'll be honest with you. Everyone will die. I'm the rare case that doesn't concern myself with the when. TBH, he'll I was so crazy I didn't think I would live to 30. Then 40. Now just having made it fiddy it's all like icing on the cake.

Anyone OP. Don't be ashamed with whatever you decide. It's all good. Different strokes different folks.

 

[CoCoSativas]

5 years ago I used to take great, smug pleasure in making fun of people with this disposition.

Now I'm 30 and I want kids in my life.

Normal for women, natural being the better word I suppose.


..Then the lingering thought of where I was a few years ago. 5 grand to my name. No hope at financial independence. Now I got it, through some miracle. And the only realistic way I can screw it all up is to have kids with a woman, she leaves and gets half plus child support. Courts despise men in the modern age.

...I can't go back to a day job. Not just for selfish reasons. If I had a few squirts and the misses ended up with half I wouldn't have enough to raise kids in good schools, or otherwise give them a realistic shot at The Dream.

Weighing pro's and con's...I just don't know.

Any other men feeling this way? Or felt this way in the past? Guidance and wisdom appreciated.

Well i dont have kids. Im 5 years behind you.

Honestly i could go my whole life without kids. Im not a fan. Id rather grow dope instead.

My wife and i have and agreement, if it happens it happens if it dosent it dosent. We wont try and prevent it but we wont try to make it happen either.

She wamts kids but i dont. Im one of those people who probably wont have kids because they piss me off. They are annoying, costly and only fill voids in poeople who feel those void feelings. My life feels full to me, so i do neot need children to fill it.

If you think you want kids, put aside the money notion man. The she gets half if we split thing, that happens kids or not...just with kids theres child suport payments

If you think you will make a fine father, maybe thats something you should look into. If you might be a deadbeat looser fuck like my dad, keep it in your pants or keep using birth control... Im guessing you would do fine, as you seem to have put more than a few minutes thought into this idea.

Whatever you do, remember you are creating a life. Its a huge responsibly...

 

[BlueBlazer]

Married almost 34 years now. Had 3 kids at a young age. Joined the Air Force and made a career there, mainly to take care of my family. Left single, I probably would have pursued a career in selling bongs at the beach. But we raised them and now they are all "out of the nest". The missus and I have all the benefits of not having any kids in the house.

This part is pretty sweet let me tell you.

There are pros and cons to marriage and children, just as there is to bachelorhood and marriage without children. No one can tell you which is better, it's a personal choice.

One thing I do know is you shouldn't enter a lifetime commitment with anyone you don't trust to follow though with their part of the heavy lifting. Keeping a relationship on an even keel can be a ball busting hard job. Folks ask me how I've been married this long, and I tell them after all the shit storms we've endured together and the work we've committed to this deal, it's all smooth sailing nowadays.

 

[whateverman]

Children allow you to accept your own mortality.

And it's all fun and games until you are dying alone with no family at your side.
Ive seen it happen many times.

I'd imagine the life slipping from your breathe is pretty awful kids or not. I've seen a lot of people die. It's roughly equally bad kids or no kids.

 

[CoCoSativas]

I'd imagine the life slipping from your breathe is pretty awful kids or not. I've seen a lot of people die. It's roughly equally bad kids or no kids.

Omar dont scare. Neither should you! Just messing around. Shit that was a good show. The first season was just awesome.

I dont worry about it. I expect we will all die. Its wack but thats the way exsistance works.

Ill admit humans are far too short lived, some of us need a couple lifetimes to get what we want to dont

 

[mr.brunch]

Life is very short.
But we live on in our kids- I only really learned this through the loss of a parent followed by the birth of my daughter.
It's a weird feeling, but undeniable- you see yourself in your child, and find yourself doing/saying what your parents did...

 

[siftedunity]

having kids is one of the hardest but equally most rewarding things you can ever do..
theres always a risk that it wont turn out perfect.. thats the same with anything in life though.
with the whole deathbed part, from a purely selfish reason its good to know that you will grow old with a loving family around you.
i had kids young. yes i would have done things differently, but i love family life and wouldn't swap it for anything.
if you feel you need that in your life then go get it.. don't think that you cant live this lifestyle with kids. you can it just depends on how you deal with it all. lifes too short for regrets.

 

[armedoldhippy]

Life is very short.
But we live on in our kids- I only really learned this through the loss of a parent followed by the birth of my daughter.
It's a weird feeling, but undeniable- you see yourself in your child, and find yourself doing/saying what your parents did...

what Mr. Brunch said. i was just treading water through life before i got married and had my 2 sons. i think sometimes what it would be like without them...fuck that noise!

 

[whateverman]

Ya but ya have a couple kids, lie to yourself and pretend you're a good parents/they have a chance when you send em' to public school is some awful district, etc.

Like most things, it's about money when you're honest w/ yourself.

 

[siftedunity]

well it makes sense that if your gonna have kids you need to provide the best you can for them.. no one is a perfect parent.. you live and learn.

 

[dddaver]

Ya but ya have a couple kids, lie to yourself and pretend you're a good parents/they have a chance when you send em' to public school is some awful district, etc.

Like most things, it's about money when you're honest w/ yourself.

Who are you trying to convince with that drivle?

Please read and heed what the Dude says in the avatar ace.

Some dumbass Beatle once sang, "Money can't buy me love", or is there something else in life that is better? Tell me. I'm all ears.

Better yet, NVM, screw this. I'm out. I thought you started fine. I thought something might be interesting. Then that shit.

Have a nice life pal.