James Morrison
~*MR.MOJORISIN*~
...the story thus far
The Neverending Story
The Neverending Story
Teddy woke to the soft warm and sloppy tongue of his dog Duke licking his hand where it was apparent that the chocolate bar he started to eat last night never got finnished, and had melted during the night.
Head still ringing, he lifted his head off his pillow and was greeted immediately by rays of sunlight streaming through the front window. Like shards of glass percing his eye sockets.
Trying to block the sun from his line of vision with his hand, he somehow mangaed to find his way to the bathroom.
Turning on the cold water at the sink, he looked into the mirror and realized that the dog had eaten off his left ear, thinking it was part of the candy bar! He jumped in his car and started speeding down the road to the hospital when he proceeded to speed past a cop hiding behind a billboard.
The patrol car tore ass out of his spot, sirens blaring and lights flashing. Though Teddy could have cared less, because his radio was so loud, he never heard the sirens. The nearest Hospital was 30 miles away and by the time he squeeled into the parking lot when his cell phone rang. He picked it up to answer just to be remembered with a sharp sting of pain that his left ear was missing. Damnit, why would he hafta be a leftie? Switching hand he was greeted by a strange voice, "Mr Daniels? Time is of the essence so listen closely. We need you for a special operation."
Just then the police jerk the phone out of his hand and slap cuffs on Teddy. The sherrif puts the phone to his ear and starts to speak, he stops talking and his face goes blank. He shouts "Take the cuffs off him!" he walks up to Teddy, says "sorry about your ear...sorry for the trouble...here is your phone." And drives off with all the other police that had joined the chase.
"What did you say to him ??" he asks the stranger on the other line.
The mysterious caller responds with "I didnt say anything. All will be made known to you in do time Mr. Daniels. All you need to concern yourself with at the moment is your operation."
"What? Operation? Like..on my ear because its fucking gone?!" Teddy screamed
"Calm yourself Mr. Daniels. Stress will do you no good. If you would relax you would notice your ear is perfectly fine." said the voice
Teddy grasp for his ear..it was perfectly normal.
"What I need you to do is to turn around Mr. Daniels" demanded the voice
"You want me to turn around?" Teddy asked confused
Teddy turned around
"I want you to enter the white hummer directly in front of you. Enter the vehicle and start the ignition." commanded the voice on the phone.
Teddy stepped towards the vehicle, also he pulled the Oz sack of LSD laced shrooms from his pocket, and finished the half left over from late last night, "Not really sure I need more of these." He muttered to himself
When Teddy reached the driver door, it popped open and he got in the driver seat. The one way mirror-window prevented him from seeing who, if anyone was in the rear.
After starting the vehicle, a voice announced on the intercom "Mr. Daniels, please do as we say and everything will be fine. Please proceed on the course dictated by the GPS navigation device."
"Who the fuck are you people? This is some pretty heavy shit to lay on a guy who is shrooming!" Exclaimed Teddy
"Please cooperate Mr.Daniels, we would hate to pay a visit to your Mother." The voice said dryly.
Shuddering, Teddy let off the clutch and headed north.
"Who are you people and where am I going?" Teddy demanded
"Mr. Daniels to your right you will notice the glovebox. Open it."
"Why? So snakes can bite my hand? Or little poison darts can..." Teddys mind raced
"You are waisting time Mr. Daniels. Just open the glovebox." The voice comanded
Nervously, Teddy reached for the glovebox and turned the knob All of a sudden over 15,000 human ears poured out. Mr. Daniels' head snapped back as the Hummer abruptly accellerated to a comfy 256 mph cruise. The Hummer was firewalling the throttle! He was driving down a lane!
The sheer weight of the mass of ears weighed down the accellerator and his legs with much force. Teddy could feel the blood trickeling into his shoes.
The voice on the intercom interrupts the high speed shroom acid cruise with an instruction, " We can fix your ear Teddy, we can fix you. Can you grab that klenex in the glove box? Thanks."
Teddy grabs a klenex and places it in a gloved hand which reaches through the shiny rear window. "How are you going to fix my ear? What the hell's going on here?"
Teddy hears the sound of someone blowing their nose in the back.
"You aren't following the GPS Navigator, stay on track!," the voice shouts.
"Mr. Daniels, you have an important decision to make...."
Mr.Daniels pondered what sort of decision it could be. After all here he was, in the driver's seat of an autopiloting hummer, covered in human ears to his waist.
Shoving several of the ears to the side, Mr.Daniels tried in vain to uncover the screen of the GPS, when he realized that they weren't ears at all, but small leather chew toys.
"Oh Shit!! I forgot to put the dog out!" he exclaimed.
Then he remembered the nose blower in the back "What the fuck is going on?" Teddy asked himself
Teddy hears what sounds like a lighter clicking, and sure enough he soon smells a familiar smell. The gloved hand taps him on the shoulder "Here man, take a few tokes off this, you seem pretty wound up"
Teddy turns and sees a blunt the size of a bratwurst "Its some hardcore Indica man, sure to put you in another state of mind, heh heh" cackled the voice
Teddy toked on the sausage sized blunt as if he was making love to it, and after all, Mary Jane had been the most important love in his life as of late.
The buzz soon hit him like a bag of frozen hammers "Damn! Thats the heavy duty shit man!" Croked Teddy as he struggled to bring his mind backj online
"I'm happy you like it Mr.Daniels, because our mission involves this noble herb of much historical value. We need you to infiltrate a mass network of herbal terrorists. Perhaps I should explain a bit furth--"
"Of course you should explain!" Teddy bellows,
"I'm sitting here in this damn Hummer going god knows where with god knows who, and my god damn EAR IS MISSING! I need to get to a hospital, not go on some wild goose chase!"
The voice calmly responds, "Mr. Daniels, your ear is of no significance now. We need your help, you're the only person who can do this."
Teddy, annoyed, sits back, eyes still on the road, hands still on the wheel, and pouts, "Can I at least get some medical attention at some point?"
"You may," the Voice calmly says, "But not right now. We have some important issues to tackle."
Teddy sighs, feeling utterly hopeless at this point.
"Ok, what's the deal with this "network of herbal terrorists? Clue me in, will you?"
"The Anti-Herbal Alliance, otherwise known as...
And in came the zombie army from beyond the grave, not the best start to a session thats for sure..but from that day forth the AHA were also known as 'The other Dudes Who Only Do' or TODWOD for short...
Teddy cleans the bowl of 100% actual cannabis, which is 100x stronger than the herb we all know and love..Teddy passes the bong to the one armed cop zombie and lights the bowl for him, seeing as zombies are dead the animated corpse just groaned.....and then sinks its rotting teeth into Teddys left nipple, passes the dreaded plague and infects Teddy the wonder stoner....
...could this be the end of Teddy, and inadvertantly the end to this story.......of course not, its a neverending story....
5 months later, in a galaxy far beyond, Teddy continues to thrust through the cosmos, still in the driver seat of the limo hummer. In the rear, the hord of plague infested zombies and the commanding voice are packed in tight, still working on the brautwurst sized spliff of super indy.
Teddy taps on the shiny window, "You guys stoned yet?"
He only hears the monotonous sound of zombie screams and muffled deep voice from the intercom.
"Pass that back up here," Teddy shouts.
The gloved hand reaches through the shiny rear window holding a cluster of ears.
Teddy bolted upright, he could hear the echo of a screem that must have been his, echoing down the hallway.
He glanced at his coffee table and saw the Oz bag of shrooms(half gone) laying there, "Damn, that shit must have been laced with something, Mesculin or LSD maybe?"
Teddy stood up and headed for the bathroom, time to break the seal and get some relief, he thought to himself.
He was a bit woozy, probably from the night before, "Gotta lay of the phycedelics, shit." He noticed he had finished a few beers as well, which would account for his slight headache.
He tried to remember what had sent him into this binge, "Hmmm, oh yeah! I lost my job yesterday, and my girlfreind left me because she thinks I'm a loser, yep, I'm a loser!"
Teddy observed the Mountaindew shade of yellow, and laughed, "Kinda looks like beer, imagine that!"
Teddy stumbled out to his computer and sat down, he opened his e-mail and noticed he had recieved a message from his old High school stoner buddy, "Didn't he move to Canada two years ago?".
It was titled "Opportunity is knocking", Jason wrote: Hey man! Long time no see! I've got a business opportunity for you, I know how much of a hardcore hiker you are, and I need "Mules" to move product south across the boarder. Thats right man, I'm big time!"
But Teddy was no fool. He decided to trace the email on a suspicion that this may be big brother attempting to entrap him. The white utility van parked down the street the last couple of days was starting to make him paranoid and combined with all the other signs, he couldnt afford take chances. Turns out the Teddy was right. It wasnt Jason.
Teddy instinctivly rushed to the window and slowley opened one blind just a small crack and peared out. No van. Relieved, he wondered what time it was. Where was his watch?
After searching his room and bathroom, and his room again for well over 5 minutes, he found it mangled in the folds of his bed sheets.
6:37 pm!!! 6:37?
"I gotta feed my plants!!!" He exclaimed out loud!
Teddy rushed to the back of his house to the entrance to his secret psychedelic and cannabis laboratory. He was just about to open the laboratory doors using his own retina scan when out of nowhere, something struck him in the back of his skull. Teddy crumbled to the ground, unconcious.
He awoke some time later, dazed, and very confused. He tried to move his arm to rub his aching head, startled to discover that he was unable to do so.
As the mental fog lifted a bit more, he realized he was strapped to what appeared to be a gurney, albeit crude, rusted and rickety.
Teddy looked around, noticing the gaping hole in the roof of the room he was in. He noticed the smashed windows, the red stains on the floor, "Is that a blood stain?" he though to himself.
A shrill squeak sounded from the heavy metal door of the room, and Teddy's blood ran cold, his heart racing with utter fear. A shadowed figure slowly walked through the door, and
Best thread on IC, you never know what the next person will post.. 
