My Rant...

[mpd]

He does that sometimes. It is that liberal pseudo-intellectual narcissism shining through. Just ignore it and move on. He will either learn from reality and gain some wisdom or he won't.

 

[mean mr.mustard]

I have had four partners in twenty years of growing (I didn't start at age five either).

They are always a pain in the ass.

You missed the probably part possibly.

It's a lesson every partner learns... after all he is the one partner that went flawlessly too right?

I imagine he's probably thinking the same thing.

People don't get along all the time.

How have I failed you mpd? Are you suggesting I'm not intellectual or just narcissistic or just liberal?

 

[Anti]

I like turtles.

 

[mean mr.mustard]

Pseudointellectual

Ooooh namecalling is so rewarding!

 

[dasher65]

Some like to complain about their lot in life but choose to do nothing about it. They enjoy wallowing in self misery & resist attempts to change.

For those people who love to be the victim we in Australia have a wonderful bit of advice...

HTFU...Harden The Fuck Up.

Give your friend a spoonful...

 

[thaicat]

Well you seem like a good friend to him but I sense that you are more bummed that he wants no part of your "big deal outdoor grow"

You know, I believe you're right. There's many facets to this ''mission.'' As I've said, we grew as kids. Never got it right but we grew. I moved out of state after high school and have had many out of state moves since. I've seen about every foreign Country that I have an interest in seeing (Except Australia.) and consider myself well-versed in locales. OTOH, he hooked up with the town slut, never went out of this County and has lived a life of misery since.

Odd and possibly tragic events somehow led me back to my home town a few years back. I immediately looked up all the people I grew up with and one by one, I dismissed each one. It seems every one of them went on to become hideous Crack/Heroin addicts, were killed long ago or are so burnt they don't know their own name. All along, I always wondered how my friend was doing.

Eventually I found him, he's had no internet presence...ever, so that was a challenge. You have to understand, we both expolored many of the same locations I plan to plant, on a daily basis, just fucking off in the woods. Nostalgia got the best of me and I did feel it would be surreal to do this in the same areas...THAT was my mistake. I've had a chance to act out most of the things I've wanted to experience...Except running though the same woods, planting with the same, best childhood best friend...I am bummed about it.

More than that, I saw where he was, the life he has lived and his current state of affairs. He's functionally illiterate, has been tortured all of his adult life by some slut, jobless and one step away from homelessness and seemingly doesn't want all that to end.

As I said, we all have our ups and downs. We can let them consume us or wwe can surf whatever wave life throws at us and become the better person as a result.

No problems though, I'm far more comfortable depending on myself and my own abilities.

 

[Dislexus]

Slut succubi ate his soul and will to live, what you are dealing with is the remaining husk.

 

[silverhazefiend]

Damn that sucks I kno how u feel I had a friend like that ..

I must say u did overlook one thing ..

You. Said your friends family where legend growers so he's not new to that game ..I'm sure ..I'm sure he also posses a good amount of skill at growing him self so if he wanted to grow wouldn't he have been taking this route ?

After my friend needed "help" he didn't like tht fact I was the "man" helping him ..I don't think it was jealousy but more of a self pitty thing and not wanting to me to be his ladder persay ..like some one said depression is a nasty things and it messes with ur brain ..I've seen guys that made loads of money go broke and never become the same person again..

What I learned I reality bites ! And if ur a real Man U bite back ..anybody that lays down and lets reality rip u apart u kinda deserve it ..let go of that idea of that Man U had in ur head he's gone ..nothing u say can change his mind ..it all his decision now ..maybe one day he'll wake up and change maybe not ..

 

[SeaMaiden]

Thai, I can see where it's hard to kind of not take it personally. Right now I'm in a bit of a pickle with an old high school friend I'm trying to commission to do a piece of artwork for my parents. It's been well over a month and she hasn't even gotten started on it. I've tried dangling cash money as a down payment, no response. We were the best of friends for a while, and I do understand about feeling depressed and all, but sometimes you've just GOT to pull up your panties anyway and just do it. Because, if nothing else, at least you've accomplished something. I have found that just doing something can help alleviate the bad feelings, too, because it's good to feel productive, isn't it?

Some like to complain about their lot in life but choose to do nothing about it. They enjoy wallowing in self misery & resist attempts to change.

For those people who love to be the victim we in Australia have a wonderful bit of advice...

HTFU...Harden The Fuck Up.

Give your friend a spoonful...

Exactly. Or, as I like to say, put on your Big Boy/Girl panties!

You've described my mother-in-law, and it's literally killing her. I mean that in the most literal way.

 

[FRIENDinDEED]

I guess this shouldn't surprise me, considering all the sorry people I've seen but it does.

I have a buddy I grew up with. I lost contact with him after a couple moves and recently met up with him again. Turns out, he was laid off, has no work and is staying with his ex-bosses Mother-In-Law, who he doesn't even know. We go back 35+ years, so I feel more about him than the people I met a year ago. I hooked him up with free smoke, free living necessities, cash etc. Meanwhile, I asked around and found a couple potential jobs for him in hopes that he'd get his feet back on the ground. He found some kind of excuse to decline all of them.

We used to grow together as kids but I have never even considered having a partner since. I think about it and decide to ask if he's up for an outdoor gig this year and he was all for it. I don't need a partner but figured involving him would help him out. I was going to provide the seeds, all other materials, know-how, transportation and about everything else and was cool with that.

About a month ago, I called him and asked if he wanted to go scout for spots...He was too tired. I called about a week later and asked if he'd like to check out the spots I had found...He was too stressed. I called last week and asked if he'd help load some manures and he had to ''comfort'' his Daughter. The last straw was today. I called and asked if he'd go with me to find more spots. His response was ''He was just mentally exhausted.''

We all are stressed, tired etc, etc, etc. but if you're stranded with strangers, penniless and hopeless...Don't you think the average Joe would jump at the chance to do a moderate sized outdoor thing? It just amazes me that someone in his position would remain so lazy and unmotivated. He would have had nothing in this other than a bit of labor and he'd be on his feet again. The shit was handed on a silver platter to him and yet, he'll likely be homeless and hopeless in a month or so.

Now I know why my cat and I get along so well...

this is one of those things where you try to help a friend out that has a problem, but with this situation it seems that at first he was the problem and then you became the problem.

after the third time of you offering you should have seen what it was for what it was. im anti pet and pro people your issue is you are putting the right effort to the wrong person, bumping your head at doing it (although hes given you countless indicators) and then wanna balme the "human genome" for its obvious faults?

nah cuz, you brought this on your self. he's your boy, life long, your mistake was when you called him after the 3rd time. you sorted him out the best you could, but he showed you what he was about after that 2nd or 3rd call/text.

depression is not a game or joke and is not one of those things that a person can just work through. for some ppl, yes, they can just shoulder that shit and keep it moving but for others its not simple and some its not even doable.

you were doing your best but "you" over did it. I say this is all on you because he is who is he. you trying to get back to or viewing him from back then, remember you said it yourself you guys were best friends "growing up", you guys are grown now so things are going to be different.

my experience with this was when I moved to GA from NY. I went through the ringer with my ex wife! I had ups downs, hell, even lefts and rights but when I finally came back home everyone was in the same place, no one moved on or out but i cant blame them, that's who they are and I am who I am, so I couldn't really expect them to be me

I love life and I like to live it, to the fullest when and where I can but some cats are just fine where they are. just do him, but more importantly yourself, a favor and just keep it moving. when he's ready and is serious, he'll call you, he's got your number so he's straight.

im gonna go out on a limb here, but i think your more pissed at yourself for hanging on so long and not seeing what you were expecting to see, and also not wanting to see what he was obviously showing you.

just my $.02 though

 

[FlowerFarmer]

After my friend needed "help" he didn't like tht fact I was the "man" helping him ..I don't think it was jealousy but more of a self pitty thing and not wanting to me to be his ladder persay ..

Couldnt be more true. I've came across this many times now and it is perplexing at 1st until you see what the underlying issue is.

Have helped friends that couldnt otherwise butter their own bread and have made success stories out of them by planting the "instructional seed", as well as providing help in many other ways.


What you posted makes things a little more clear as what the problem might be...and if it is..more power to them.

Thanks for the post.

 

[thaicat]

I do understand about feeling depressed and all, but sometimes you've just GOT to pull up your panties anyway and just do it. Because, if nothing else, at least you've accomplished something.

Oh, they're pulled high and tight...I did let all this get to me, for about a day. I'm the type that would never let someone else ruin my plans. I just came back from digging/amending around 70 holes on top of my original plan and found a spot to dig probably 50 more...Should be a stellar season. I have no idea how I've gone this long without a gas auger. Between the auger and my handy dandy Garden Claw, I can do what used to take me 3-4 weeks in about 3-4 days.

A lot of good posts here. This guy is still my buddy and I'm sure we'll continue to hang out. Although he and his family were big into this in the 70's-80's, I have an entirely different approach. Back then, it was all Sativa plants. I remember when his Dad first planted a batch of Indicas. Nobody knew what they were...We called them ''Hawaiians', I'm unsure how we related thick leaves to Hawaii. There was no amending, no precise nutes...Pretty much went out, dug a small hole and planted. Quantity was always there but not so much quality.

I've always stayed in the game and the internet was revolutionary in terms of learning. He's still in the mindset of digging a 2 gallon hole, wherever was convenient and letting the plant do whatever it wanted to. He had no concept of cloning, strains, flower time, training or anything that really determines the outcome of a season. I showed and explained most of my indoor gear and spoke of my approach today and where we went wrong as kids. I never was in the mindset that I was the man and don't think he took it that way but could be wrong.

Now all I need is someone to lend me a couple aero cloners to get enough cuts ready...Anyone got a spare they're not using for a couple months? Lol.

Whatever happens, this should be my best season ever.

 

[skullznroses]

Heres my 2 cents

Helping a friend in low places is never easy. I should know Ive got lots of friends in all sorts of places. The thing you have to remember is that you are friends with a person for MANY different reasons. An old friend who is kinda a part of your extended family is different then a friend who shares common interests as of late.

Your buddy that you like to ride motorcycles with or that your back country ski with has something to offer you and that is a direct and instant gratification. The reality is that these are the best sort of friends, since they take little work and offer you a reward.

Friends who are out of work, have money and/or drug problems, or even like loser women/men are a TOTALLY different story. They require you to be both compassionate and selfless. In a way it is the hardest unpaid job next to raising kids and dealing with close family. I have learned the lesson to help these sort of friends in a way that is manageable for me... ie... that I will do some very specific things for them and that is IT. I decide how I will try and help and that is all I do, I don't let things snowball into larger more input ($$) necessary activities.

To me what you are experiencing is that you friend is really embarassed and "mentally exhausted" by this sitch and he is kind of ashamed to be your helper. REMEMBER taking a helping hand is a BIG first step back to getting on your feet. It is much easier to engage in "normal" social activities, lunch beers etc etc, then it is to actually engage in real activity at somebody else's suggestion.

I give you a pat on the back for even trying man.

Peace

 

[huligun]

time for a humiliating pep talk if you love the person.

 

[skullznroses]

Ive tried the humiliating pep talk many times. It never seemed to work for me, but then again maybe you should try those when you're not drunk.

 

[stihgnobevoli]

Depression is ugly.

being a lifelong sufferer... this^^^ sorry mang but sometimes you just would rather lay down and wait for death than anything else. don't give up, he needs you.

 

[BlueBlazer]

I had a great friend in high school. A few years after graduation, he had some problems in our home town and wanted a change of scenery. I offered to have him come out and visit me and sort out what he wanted to do long-term. Time went by and the "visit" was turning into the stay. I made him chose: Get a job and share expenses or move on. He moved on. Last I heard from him, he was voluntarily homeless in Southern California and proudly telling me how great it was. Haven't heard from him in over 30 years. It's too bad, but sometimes friends grow in entirely different directions.

 

[thaicat]

I picked him up the other day and went for a long ride in the country. I told him I wasn't dogging him by emitting him from project. Rather that I knew from experience that he wasn't in the right mindset to pull this off as I expected and had no idea the time and effort involved to do it correctly. He said most of what was on his mind, that alone was a huge step in the right direction.
At any rate, we decided to do a couple plots together and understand each other much better. This will be additional plots above my original idea and hopefully will serve as a ''back up plan'' in the rare case that something happens to my original plan...An insurance policy of sorts.

No matter what, this guy is like a Brother and I'm not going to leave him hanging. I've been where he's at with women trouble and know that's a hideous place to be. Fortunately, I think he's snapping out of it and getting his head back.

 

[BasementGrower]

the more time i spend around people, the less use i have for people.

i love my dogs more then i like humans.