It's a Lonely Lifestyle

[k-grower]

LOL. What the hell dude. You need a karate lesson.

i was under 6 years old when the beating happened, back then my sister of two years older was way bigger then me.
though it stopped once i give back few punches as elementary age and my mother threat to place me to foster home because of that, which i would have wanted and be good - i did try to speak for social workers to get in different family but my mother lied and convinced the worker that i´m lying.
now days i can defend myself if it´s hand to hand combat but back then was different story then i was scared and weak.

tessarecting thx for the link, i´m gonna see it later and find out if that will work for me.
but first i will find out what it takes to change name, cause they will find me and stalk me.

i was constantly asked in school, did the parents do to something or hurt me, i had classical signs twitch of any touch contact and was all the time in my thoughts far away of surrounding reality.
when i was older i started to see signs myself, then some various associated words and happenings reminded me and all the sudden it popped all out.

can´t still understand how they can put that of their minds and live whit them self´s.
but thank you all for the kind words and understanding, i don´t get that a lot.

 

[_tessarecting]

It costs money up front but it will give you a directory of people to contact with reviews. Lots of good ones out there. If you come up on a less than favorable farm just hop to the next. Some will pick you up from towns and stuff like that. Good luck I had no idea Finland was that bad

 

[stoned-trout]

wow... going fishing ..outta here...yeehaw

 

[shithawk420]

Wish I could go with you trout! My friend won't give me back my pole!

 

[k-grower]

no one stalking atm, but if i would change country i knew´d there would be some, as example my mother stated that.

though as i moved to new city this ex gf have been here twice, i had to call police twice to get him off my apartment in old town.she was even stalking me in grocery store.
now she was on bus stop near my apartment and started all old drama shit again.

i have not choose´between cannabis and family or friends, i´v only get rid of so called friends which were not real and acted like total psychopaths.

 

[floralheart]

women are crazy. one rented a house on my street once. another bought a house right down the road...

One was cool, but the other... she would walk by my house at 1 am and knew when i came and went. It was creepy as fuck. felt a little like a prisoner at home

 

[Fluttershiy]

It seems like everyone I know, well everyone I am friends with, are a lot like me in that. They work. But they work a job that will just pay the bills and do not get sucked in. We still have tons of fun. But I also 23. So there is that.

 

[rod58]

jee-zus !! i'm off too ..anyone got a spare pole ....

 

[Hermanthegerman]

I like the people most, which one I never meet.

 

[k-grower]

why my post´s was deleted? it was part of my deaths man switch´s, feels like you got admins here who defend sick criminals.
if this is part of stalking, don´t worry i will post another hundred web sites same story so you cant pretend to be good people.
don´t say this not part of using as cannabis,cause it is -don´t say this is not why i have lonely lifestyle, cause it is.
here is copy so you can realize you can´t shut up the truth, admin here is total scumbag.
i will continue to post this everytime it´s erased untill you give me proper reason why this post should not be here?

i personally noticed that about 90% people are total scumbags in this country, and can´t be trusted.

town where i was born was little and extreme right wing, most of them hate people who differs from main group and don´t fear showing it in public against minority who have different opinions how life should be lived.

people could get beaten or mutilated and all the town officials could just let it go, or when threat´ed whit attorney general they would just act stupid not even try to solve the crime and intercept calls to attorney general whit radio support station what send the call´s forward.
i personally were so close to stabbed two times, run over whit car 3 times all together, acid attacked on head and light on fire, accused of children molest, two times interrupted my phone calls to attorney general, one doctor took the healthy corner tooth (can´t remember the real name of it) which keeps the other tooth´s alive because he thought falsely that i had offer weed to hes kid, also hes wife throw me whit tomato´s as i passed their home to the city - police did nothing as he was as important asset in small town.

people who i consider as almost my family started to act like sociopath and psychopaths when i stop to give free weed as other´s told their continues shit talking on back, people i was friends from elementary school try to rob, hassle, broke almost all my possession - once they drugged me and beaten me up - once they broke my leg and couple day later they make me walk whit it, one female doctor who raped me as was in hospital in medicated and sleep and later gave P38 called synthetic which increases brain activity to undo she´s rape, after i refused she´s flirt he snug beta-blockers(don´t know the exact word in english)
to my food and made me feel horrible and it affected even in my nervous system-

another time i was taken to psychic regression to prove my innocence as some guy try to stab me on train station and he got hes own knife on hes leg, i was absolved but the as the nurse used electrical shock treatment as in regression now i constantly bite my teeth together it get´s worse when i sleep - also as she gave me those shocks, my heart stopped twice and had to revive me the dead whit shock paddled what they use in hospitals, so basically i died twice on that table on that day and anyone got never punished for that.
one guy(doctor this one too) did not want me ice skate in public ice field what was int near their back yard as i was about 7-8 years old, and he shoot buck to my head causing my skull to crack and get me minor brain damage i heard after that my friend leaved the ice ring cause of he trying to hurt us - he never said one word to me about it, the child abuse was pretty common crime in that city also that pedophile was doctor of some kind and still continues doing it.

back in the 90`s was very common boy groups beat and hassle the weak, and the family violence was almost everyday - once my mother sit on me a i was lying in sofa, my left lung collapsed - i start to hear peep in my ears and my breath was heavy and sounding like bong, they did not take me to hospital and as i walk there myself, nurse come to front door of hospital saying they won´t treat me and accused me from acting, 5-6 years later doctor inserted a tube to left lung and got opened it, i guess it had just stuck as flattened and immediately feel the blood rush and warm feeling as i got my old blood circulation back. once my sister try to cut my penis off whit scissors but it slipped inside and only few small cut´s came to shaft as the scissors were not sharp enough, once i wake up she holding pillow to my face whit shes hole weight which were more than mine back then, very hurt full was when my mother ignored all the assaults my sister made made, sometimes when i was not nice to my mother she came to beat me up whit no reason.
another time as i was in moped age my mother called and said "if i want any money" i could go get it from she´s work place, i went there and she said that he had no money for me, i was confused and angry start my moped front hes work place and start driving, next corner i was over run by car, the drivers keep driving whit out stopping, but i got hes license number and draw it to sand nest to road, then came blond woman trying to wipe it off, few days later i heard that driver is employ of mothers boy friend, go figure it out...
also i was take as age 8-10 ,cant remember exactly to my mothers friends sauna, and my mother continuously said "it´s ok" and my mother frend said "you don´t have to this and wet shes eyes, "do you know what he trying to do to you" she died on very rear cancer few years back and called as aino, an co worker at same firm.
also i heard few years back the lady who residence were close to us and were she use to take my sister was abused sexually, one time as drunk my mother showed newspaper cut where was this article how child become sexually highlated when their sexually abused as young, something to do whit the scandal on usa back then in hollywood circles.

my dad was one of these abuser, older sister use to beat me up, and another recently try to frame as involved sexually in children because i told everybody that she had jump on me as i was 16-17 age and in sleep at hes house as guest as i had those boners what i get when i sleep(like every man).
i´v been twice denied common social benefits and "kela" as another official to admit welfare, because criticized about they giving highly educated unemployed people more welfare money than manual worker who really needs it to survive.

former friend´s gf picked my balls whit needle caused ball sack to leak fluids, my ex gf try to rip my balls of middle of sex, causing skin stretch and vas deferens almost completely snap off, i had thickness of few hair and almost lost one ball, sometimes i get aches on it`but seem to work, also she like´d to pull of my hair whit hair roots as night as i fell asleep,sometimes i wake´d up cause he punched me to balls, face and so on. she fucked every friend i got, try rob me, eat all my food and then shit talked all over town getting me to pointless drama every day, when i said she was whore as she fucked everyone she wanted , claimed to be one man´s woman and even then she got all her friends attack me continuously in grocery store, bars -every where did i go she followed me.
so we have shit loads of crooked people here and most ethically sane people want´s to leave as soon as they can - but most of times these people are in the worse choke hold - mainly because if people really knew what is going on here, they probably would taken to some international human right court.

other ex-friend got hes gf pregnant, asked me what they should do - i told to go see doctor, they end up to cause that child´s death whit impact trauma and the officials rolled all the blame to guy even they did that together, i told as they call my from court that but still they hold the guy as only responsible in that case ,also i was evicted against law from rent apartment ,take off the toilet middle of shitting whit force, they arranged hole art school were they informed me an the other stoner being horrible drug addicts which company they should avoid, in the school people stole tools ruined my work , by scraping a moment ago varnished furniture etc. the list is endless.
as in elementary school i was taken to special class were was mentally handicapped people to test if i had adhd, there was this guy what they use to beat up to get him "calm".
one dealer family back in small town , had their father in city council, their mother as detox clinic head manager and 3 boys who would deal weed
2 of them bring hash, an under aged one selling it friends, the fucked up everyone who stand their way, couple guys lost their human rights as detox program as they could not stop it even they though it not beneficial to them, this youngest guy once rigged my bikes brakes(neighbour got it on video,i still have it) and was about few inches when hes friends drive past me over speed in road crossing, very close to get hit by car driving
as i moved, i guess they could not sell their drugs so much as me being around cause people would get it free.

also my grandpa said once me about "unbearable light weight of living life" once took me to forrest, whit beretta he got from old soldier, said i can pick my own bullets, in woods we went he said only one comes out and gives me the weapon, i empty it tree next to me, i guess he had not thought that over as he did not have any spare bullets.
once my friends older brother take us to fishing" when we got there he my friend had not fishing gear but knife in hes hand and was told to knife me by hes brother as "i was gay" as in the north some circles have same guide about homo´s than muslims have, which is kill them on sight.
funny thing is never been gay and i was about getting knifed for it.

people commonly blame the minority hippie´s and hipster´s here just slobbing off and living whit other peoples money, the truth is i never met guy who would not work or would not be capable, as what comes to stoner´s, people here just don´t want to give them anything or accept them as human beings whit basic needs, they don´t want stoner´s to succeed or breed or feel good - they have no logical reason to do that - it is just political suppression cause i have searched job actively always, taking every job offered and even offered to get a degree to get a job.

most officials here in finland are total animals, they have no conscience what they did to someone they just ignore every scientific study of cannabis what prove´s they are wrong, and another hand they most drink every weekend and maybe little on middle of week or take drugs what their doctor have gave and then act like they were saint.

it´s a sick shitty world were we are living whit out real justification.
and this country is master giving different appear to other country as ethical and rightful system, in real case it´s way worse than russia what come´s to political suppression very close to nazi germany.
i´m attacked politically even today, so this will be testimony of mine if ever are in position where i cannot talk by myself, and as time has gone over 20 years of these most serious crimes has done, there is no much to do about and very hard to prove as in this country law can be more biased to criminals, so do stay safe and remember 9/10 cases these nasty sick people are the closest one´s and most of times these trauma´s hold from remembering real memory´s hidden.attacked politically even today, so this will be testimony of mine if ever are in position where i cannot talk by myself, and as time has gone over 20 years of these most serious crimes has done, there is no much to do about and very hard to prove as in this country law can be more biased to criminals, so do stay safe and remember 9/10 cases these nasty sick people are the closest one´s and most of times these trauma´s hold from remembering real memory´s

 

[waveguide]

good advice really.. i was raised as an academic, which translates to easy target. now i automatically outcuss americans from the onset. fools understand violence more than reason, and it only takes a modicum of skill to outviolent most fools.

people who develop skills are a different class and often appreciate reason more.

 

[stasis]

I am never going to Finland.


Still trying to digest that post.

Why not, this thread has gone off the deep end, for sure..

More bright white skinned girls for Me. jaja. But, theyre all crazy worldwide.

A real risk to any grower, Unfortunately, is a woman.

 

[Stoner4Life]

fwiw


this is what I see in the mirror.......


I passed on raising a family, married in '78 & divorced by '81; I considered myself lucky for getting out of that relationship w/o any kids, the next 25 years went by in a blur. Whether it was dealing coke in the '80s in NY or growing weed in MN, my lifestyle dictated a certain amount of secrecy/privacy.

So when I'm watching the tube & I see a child running into the arms of their father or grandfather it tugs at my heart, now more than ever. At 58 yrs of age I have everything a man should have except a family, my house is all paid for, a decent car and a spare 4wd beater in good shape, a few assets (silver mostly), a small pension and because I'm disabled I'm collecting social security as well.

It also hurts to think that when my days are up that if I go slowly I'll mostly be alone, I always pray to god that he takes me fast w/a heart attack. In my will I only list one relative to benefit, the rest of my assets are to be divided up amongst friends that have helped me out the most over the years, this also includes 2 members from ICmag.

You seem like a guy with a good heart Shakira, I can assure you that the feelings you have now will amplify over time. Best of luck.

 

[Max Headroom]

A real risk to any grower, Unfortunately, is a woman.

or if the grower is a woman, the risk is a man.

 

[mojave green]

Bad relationships are the risk.
my wife of many years, cannot be compelled to testify against me in a court of law. Everyone else, not so. Think about that.

 

[Weird]

Even though I have acute social paranoia I stopped giving anyone that kind of power over my head a long time ago and over the decades I have found it is one of the things that pushes people out of the game long term, getting caught up in that them versus us or me versus the world trip. The whole subculture is not built on fear and loathing, and it doesn't have to be when you are working with medicinal plants.

Blame it on Americans, academia, poverty, wealth, mental health, prohibition, and every other excuse you can find. Excuses are easy.

If you can't come to terms with human nature and interact with people, maintain healthy boundaries and create synergies, that is on you. No not everyone is a good person or has integrity, but if you can't work within that framework your lacking some people skills.

You want to know who you shouldn't trust? people that have no trust in other people at all.

Why? because they are projecting their life's experience, nothing but negativity in regards to their interactions with humanity. Why would they not throw someone else under the bus when they have limited connections to people and the world?

They haven't figure out how to get the best out of the people around them, that in order to do so you have to bring something positive to the table as an influence, that humanity is not there just to serve them (pretty selfish expectation) but anything good in regards to humanity is a co-creation of the humanity involved.

Some people put nothing forward in hopes to get something back, and then they bitch about the state of the world, condemning themselves and others through apathy.

That is because of fearful and/or selfish nature. Some people think so small they can only measure direct reciprocation and value, and the concept of opportunity cost is lost on them.

Dogmas and philosophies were born to bring reason in regards to the human condition, so that it would over ride the delusional bias of emotion, if the practice hasn't elevated your view of humanity, your doing it wrong.

you reap what you sow

Tired of living a marginalized life, then stop the behaviors that your letting your mind drive you into doing marginalized things. The unspoken reality here is that people don't have enough self conviction and belief to feel right when a majority or an authority around them say its not.

Why are you doing it then?

 

[stoned-trout]

ITS WEIRD I am surrounded by females and there is no bitching or complaining , total silence so I can watch movies in peace...but for the life of me I cant get one of the females to scratch my back either...yeehaw

 

[k-grower]

Even though I have acute social paranoia I stopped giving anyone that kind of power over my head a long time ago and over the decades I have found it is one of the things that pushes people out of the game long term, getting caught up in that them versus us or me versus the world trip. The whole subculture is not built on fear and loathing, and it doesn't have to be when you are working with medicinal plants.

Blame it on Americans, academia, poverty, wealth, mental health, prohibition, and every other excuse you can find. Excuses are easy.

If you can't come to terms with human nature and interact with people, maintain healthy boundaries and create synergies, that is on you. No not everyone is a good person or has integrity, but if you can't work within that framework your lacking some people skills.


You want to know who you shouldn't trust? people that have no trust in other people at all.

Why? because they are projecting their life's experience, nothing but negativity in regards to their interactions with humanity. Why would they not throw someone else under the bus when they have limited connections to people and the world?

They haven't figure out how to get the best out of the people around them, that in order to do so you have to bring something positive to the table as an influence, that humanity is not there just to serve them (pretty selfish expectation) but anything good in regards to humanity is a co-creation of the humanity involved.

Some people put nothing forward in hopes to get something back, and then they bitch about the state of the world, condemning themselves and others through apathy.

That is because of fearful and/or selfish nature. Some people think so small they can only measure direct reciprocation and value, and the concept of opportunity cost is lost on them.

Dogmas and philosophies were born to bring reason in regards to the human condition, so that it would over ride the delusional bias of emotion, if the practice hasn't elevated your view of humanity, your doing it wrong.

you reap what you sow

Tired of living a marginalized life, then stop the behaviors that your letting your mind drive you into doing marginalized things. The unspoken reality here is that people don't have enough self conviction and belief to feel right when a majority or an authority around them say its not.

Why are you doing it then?

there are shit loads of people being introvert,autistic,aspergers syndrome or generally people whit mental trauma of years of abuse , no- of them generally trust outsiders before they learn to know a person more, you advice not trust these people? cause that it how it feels.

this part of world, if i live open minded just as other people but be a pot smoker - people want to take my human rights, and all my possession and trash my incredibility- believe me i try´ed it and can make anyone´s life a living hell.

most common mistake is "beat the guy who all ready have beaten" or who seem´s distant emotionally to others, my experience they been the most friendful and empathic persons i´v met.
and in other hand the most charmful and friendly person´s at first sight have been mostly cruel careless people as they have got what they want.

most of the so called friends i trusted blindly was just there for free weed buffet, i was stupid as i though if be hospitable offering food, drinks, smoke that they would appreciate it and maybe sometime do same to me. but i noticed most of them did not even remember thing i done for them - guys i knew from elementary school and met weekly never even remembered my birthday, as if i had no money, they could not care more do i have even food - and most case´s most of them just shit talked behind back and front of my face they pretend to be friends. instead most of them try to blackmail weed from me for free as i did not anymore offer them it by threatening to call police, same time as i smoked only weed the said i was acting like junkie as real case they were mixing all kind of drugs as alcohol,extacy,dmt,anfetamine,subutex etc.

stoned-trout
i have things just opposite as you, as if want to be friends whit females - they don´t believe me, woman´s i met it´s usually like mostly for sex and when they got it they don´t even want to snuggle or get real deep relationship.

 

[teemu shalanie]

holy fuking shit balls u got problems my G , growing aint got shiiit 2 do with it either , seek help jesus , buddah , satan ,anyone .....

good luck
TS

 

[Weird]

there are shit loads of people being introvert,autistic,aspergers syndrome or generally people whit mental trauma of years of abuse , no- of them generally trust outsiders before they learn to know a person more, you advice not trust these people? cause that it how it feels.

this part of world, if i live open minded just as other people but be a pot smoker - people want to take my human rights, and all my possession and trash my incredibility- believe me i try´ed it and can make anyone´s life a living hell.

most common mistake is "beat the guy who all ready have beaten" or who seem´s distant emotionally to others, my experience they been the most friendful and empathic persons i´v met.
and in other hand the most charmful and friendly person´s at first sight have been mostly cruel careless people as they have got what they want.

most of the so called friends i trusted blindly was just there for free weed buffet, i was stupid as i though if be hospitable offering food, drinks, smoke that they would appreciate it and maybe sometime do same to me. but i noticed most of them did not even remember thing i done for them - guys i knew from elementary school and met weekly never even remembered my birthday, as if i had no money, they could not care more do i have even food - and most case´s most of them just shit talked behind back and front of my face they pretend to be friends. instead most of them try to blackmail weed from me for free as i did not anymore offer them it by threatening to call police, same time as i smoked only weed the said i was acting like junkie as real case they were mixing all kind of drugs as alcohol,extacy,dmt,anfetamine,subutex etc.

stoned-trout
i have things just opposite as you, as if want to be friends whit females - they don´t believe me, woman´s i met it´s usually like mostly for sex and when they got it they don´t even want to snuggle or get real deep relationship.

See for me, marijuana is no different a moral proposition as was slavery.

Now while I am sure the people who operated the underground railroad or smuggled jews out of Nazi Germany were afraid of being caught aiding the enemy and being killed, they have more conviction in what they were doing than they than had regard for their own lives.

That is the extent of my relation with this plant, I have the proofs to prove the impact and justify the civil disobedience.

I do not anguish right or wrong, my moral compass is set, and it is set to a universal destination, one that is not deniable on humanistic terms.

Persecute me for doing what is right, the universe will hold me up throughout, it has gotten me to here.

I will tell you this, that I stopped projecting a them versus us mentality with the world around me to get there, something that was tough to do because it was internal.