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I'm going to get a little Yummy here...
- Thread starter funkervogt
- Start date
lol I bother my boyfriend about eating tomatoes but if he doesn't try them I'll just say, "Fine! I'll eat it all!!" and that's that. I hate that he won't try them, but that's why I'm growing Cherokee Purples to see if he'll like them.
Anyway, about your relationship...
Like someone else said, we don't know you guys personally so our advice is limited. But from what you've told us, seems like you guys need to really sit down and ask each other what you want from this relationship. What are her plans for her career? What are yours? What compromises or sacrifices are either of you willing to make?
This sounds like a petty fight and she's being rude about it. She doesn't understand what it's like to be bullied, and you're not in her position of feeling like a "loser" because of her career or lack thereof. Communicate and be respectful to each other like mature adults. Her calling you a sissy is uncalled for. You don't need a bully. You need a mature woman!!
Anyway, about your relationship...
Like someone else said, we don't know you guys personally so our advice is limited. But from what you've told us, seems like you guys need to really sit down and ask each other what you want from this relationship. What are her plans for her career? What are yours? What compromises or sacrifices are either of you willing to make?
This sounds like a petty fight and she's being rude about it. She doesn't understand what it's like to be bullied, and you're not in her position of feeling like a "loser" because of her career or lack thereof. Communicate and be respectful to each other like mature adults. Her calling you a sissy is uncalled for. You don't need a bully. You need a mature woman!!
JacuzziSplot
Member
I gotta agree with Pseudo here a bit. If you wanna make this work you gotta sit her down and tell her I am sick of your shit. I am a man and I aint gonna be doing the cleaning, cooking, or laundry any more in my house unless you are sick with the flu or something. You gotta be firm with her and tell her if she dont like it she can get the fuck out and mean it. That is the kind of man a girl like her wants. She will tell you different and believe it but she wants to be controlled and not have to think about things. That way when things go wrong she doesnt have to blame herself and she can live happily in her bubble.
G
Goodkarma
Yeah...that^^^^
C
Cinderella99
Funkervogt-
Don't know if you're serious or even maybe Yummy masquerading as Funkervogt...
I had to go no further that your second paragraph to realize that if you marry this very selfish woman who depends on caustic remarks to get attention and win arguments (ie: "Sissy) it will be a big mistake.
Look at it this way: There are Givers and there are Takers in life-- she's definitely a taker. If her tendency is to be selfish and aggressive when something as minor as a bad review hits her, just wait.
For the last 25 years of my life, I've probably had "steady" relationships with 10 different women and unsteady ones with a hell of a lot more, but the most challenging -- and at the same time meaningful -- one has been my decade long marriage with my (2nd) wife with our three beautiful children:
If you think it's rough now, wait until you're past year 5 of your marriage, both have the stress of your careers and children to boot, and you've sunk to levels (for prolonged durations) that you never really felt possible in human relationship: Picture falling through floors and you keep thinking you've hit the basement just to fall through to another level...Life is an endless pain with a painful end... I am totally just kidding about that last sentence
Point is, the going gets much rougher over time and it can sometimes take a tremendous amount of energy/work to get back out of the basement-- if you have kids or financial problems, difficulties metastasize... Your description of your relationship clearly tells me that you should hold off on marriage, set a very long engagement date (I set a 2 year one on my first marriage, 4 years later I was divorced-- thank God no kids). If you guys are arguing like cats and dogs now, think about how it'll be when you're parents. Can't you guys just live together-- this is 2010--many, many people (that are not gay) opt for domestic partnership for life.
Don't let your insecurities dictate your relationships...When you get 1) married and then 2) have kids, you are really locked in and will feel the pressure more -the alternative will be to live your life under a joint custody agreement where you'll be forced to play chess with her at your kids' expense.
Relationships that are forged largely out of mutual insecurities never last from what I've seen in life, and this seems to be one. Also, while Shanti's post picture up there is comical, there's some truth in there: Looks like you have frequent power struggles with GF and you may have to try to get comfortable with her in the dominant role-- can you do this?
Whatever you do, don't have kids until you've been successfully living together for years and years. This is my 2 cents / hate to be a buttinski, but ya kinda opened your book here. I truly hope this advice reaches/helps you.
Don't know if you're serious or even maybe Yummy masquerading as Funkervogt...
I had to go no further that your second paragraph to realize that if you marry this very selfish woman who depends on caustic remarks to get attention and win arguments (ie: "Sissy) it will be a big mistake.
Look at it this way: There are Givers and there are Takers in life-- she's definitely a taker. If her tendency is to be selfish and aggressive when something as minor as a bad review hits her, just wait.
For the last 25 years of my life, I've probably had "steady" relationships with 10 different women and unsteady ones with a hell of a lot more, but the most challenging -- and at the same time meaningful -- one has been my decade long marriage with my (2nd) wife with our three beautiful children:
If you think it's rough now, wait until you're past year 5 of your marriage, both have the stress of your careers and children to boot, and you've sunk to levels (for prolonged durations) that you never really felt possible in human relationship: Picture falling through floors and you keep thinking you've hit the basement just to fall through to another level...Life is an endless pain with a painful end... I am totally just kidding about that last sentence
Point is, the going gets much rougher over time and it can sometimes take a tremendous amount of energy/work to get back out of the basement-- if you have kids or financial problems, difficulties metastasize... Your description of your relationship clearly tells me that you should hold off on marriage, set a very long engagement date (I set a 2 year one on my first marriage, 4 years later I was divorced-- thank God no kids). If you guys are arguing like cats and dogs now, think about how it'll be when you're parents. Can't you guys just live together-- this is 2010--many, many people (that are not gay) opt for domestic partnership for life.
Don't let your insecurities dictate your relationships...When you get 1) married and then 2) have kids, you are really locked in and will feel the pressure more -the alternative will be to live your life under a joint custody agreement where you'll be forced to play chess with her at your kids' expense.
Relationships that are forged largely out of mutual insecurities never last from what I've seen in life, and this seems to be one. Also, while Shanti's post picture up there is comical, there's some truth in there: Looks like you have frequent power struggles with GF and you may have to try to get comfortable with her in the dominant role-- can you do this?
Whatever you do, don't have kids until you've been successfully living together for years and years. This is my 2 cents / hate to be a buttinski, but ya kinda opened your book here. I truly hope this advice reaches/helps you.
if they didn't fuck there'd be a bounty on 'em.......
it's over, she's being inconsiderate of your feelings on PURPOSE and crying foul when you man up & tell her the truth of her life. leave her high and dry with the bills so she really has something to whine about.
stop your back peddling to her or I'll send Yummybud over to collect your testicles.
EDIT:
Your 'relationship' sounds like a bad habit.
netwerx
Member
If you want me two cents (which btw is almost on par with the my USD 2 cents, being Canadian and all) I will lay it out quickly.
I know you don't want to hear it, but it's time to move on.
Don't stay with someone long term when this is how its going to be. I ran 10 years with someone like this, and i can say it was about 6 years two long. I saw these same things and ignored them. Problem is once in awhile something will happen that will make you feel like you made the right choice to stay, however looking back, it was a extremely stupid thing to do.
Of course I think using these forums as a guidance is alright, but ultimately look into yourself and decide if its really worth it.
In every case I've had so far, I can honestly say it isn't.
If you find yourself more then a couple times thinking of leaving, its time to bail.
Go luck bud.
I know you don't want to hear it, but it's time to move on.
Don't stay with someone long term when this is how its going to be. I ran 10 years with someone like this, and i can say it was about 6 years two long. I saw these same things and ignored them. Problem is once in awhile something will happen that will make you feel like you made the right choice to stay, however looking back, it was a extremely stupid thing to do.
Of course I think using these forums as a guidance is alright, but ultimately look into yourself and decide if its really worth it.
In every case I've had so far, I can honestly say it isn't.
If you find yourself more then a couple times thinking of leaving, its time to bail.
Go luck bud.
C
Cinderella99
Ya, what Stoner4life said-- f*ck the snot outa her for a while, just whatever you do 1) don't knock her up and 2) don't get hitched...LOL
This is the only advice I got from my Dad on women/relationships and it's worked for me: "They always want to get married-- make sure you Play the Field"
The other great piece of advice I got was from one cool prof I had: "Make sure, before you settle down, that you've played the field enough [I took this to mean f*cked around enough] and gotten all of your 'Ya-Ya's' out. That way, you will be ready to settle down and not have any regrets that your wife or kids will need to feel the wrath of and you'll have a much happier family." Worked for me-- That's right, f*ckin around first will make you a better family man in the long run-- how cool is that? lol
Although, what was that line from "the Departed"? Something like:
"...Chicks are attracted to a guy with a ring on his finger-- they know at least his cock works and he's got some cash..."
Suggested reading for Funkervogt:
Machiavelli- The Prince
Look, we're probably missing the biggest compatibility qualifying question here: "Will she let you grow in the domicile for life?-- if so what percentage of livable space and will smell be an issue?" You need a prenup lol
With her combustible personality, she could flip and rat-- be careful
This is the only advice I got from my Dad on women/relationships and it's worked for me: "They always want to get married-- make sure you Play the Field"
The other great piece of advice I got was from one cool prof I had: "Make sure, before you settle down, that you've played the field enough [I took this to mean f*cked around enough] and gotten all of your 'Ya-Ya's' out. That way, you will be ready to settle down and not have any regrets that your wife or kids will need to feel the wrath of and you'll have a much happier family." Worked for me-- That's right, f*ckin around first will make you a better family man in the long run-- how cool is that? lol
Although, what was that line from "the Departed"? Something like:
"...Chicks are attracted to a guy with a ring on his finger-- they know at least his cock works and he's got some cash..."
Suggested reading for Funkervogt:
Machiavelli- The Prince
Look, we're probably missing the biggest compatibility qualifying question here: "Will she let you grow in the domicile for life?-- if so what percentage of livable space and will smell be an issue?" You need a prenup lol
With her combustible personality, she could flip and rat-- be careful
ooh the sex is bad huh????? run far and fast
the sex is the important thing otherwise why put up with all the bs involved.
she sounds like the type who when frustrated or angry likes to stick in the knife and give it a twist, and makes a point of knowing where to stick it. if you want to put up with that that's fine, but from the sounds of what you've got going on right now i'd say it's time for a break to ENJOY life, maybe with some one else who enjoys it. best of luck.
This is all good feedback. I don't have enough karma ammunition to hit all of you at the moment for this great advice. I was expecting a lot of trolling after asking this and what I got was grounded feedback based on experience... thank you
I sat down with her and told her how I felt. She was resistant, but said she still wanted a life with me and didn't realize how awful she was being. I told her this level of fighting wasn't normal and she disagrees. I told her we should see how the next few weeks go but if it looks like it is not working out we should split because it would be best for both of us.
I sat down with her and told her how I felt. She was resistant, but said she still wanted a life with me and didn't realize how awful she was being. I told her this level of fighting wasn't normal and she disagrees. I told her we should see how the next few weeks go but if it looks like it is not working out we should split because it would be best for both of us.
C
Cinderella99
Dude, lemme talk ta her LOL
Seriously-- If I had a nickel for every time I've heard "I'm sorry, I'll change"....Fact is, adult behavior is very difficult to change-- we can learn ways to mitigate/neutralize our negative tendencies while enhancing the positive traits we have, but it's not that easy... Sounds like a project, bro
You say you are seeking advice, but to me, the real question is will you listen to it or have you already made up your own mind. Cuz, seriously dude, if you need to come to cannaboards....
Seriously-- If I had a nickel for every time I've heard "I'm sorry, I'll change"....Fact is, adult behavior is very difficult to change-- we can learn ways to mitigate/neutralize our negative tendencies while enhancing the positive traits we have, but it's not that easy... Sounds like a project, bro
You say you are seeking advice, but to me, the real question is will you listen to it or have you already made up your own mind. Cuz, seriously dude, if you need to come to cannaboards....
Having been on both sides of a one sided affair, I can say both sides suck. She's not sorry for what she's done, she's sorry that she won't have you for a whipping boy. Strap yourself to a Saturn V, light the fuse and get the hell out of Dodge.
Do you think it's bad enough that I should leave town?
"I have a budding career but put that aside to stay with her "in town" near a University where she works. I've got a job here for next year making good salary, and generally like the area, though staying here is professionally limiting."
Maybe I'm reading more into the above statement than is there but, it sounded to me like she was the only reason you're sticking around and that, deep down, you'd rather be elsewhere. Were she relentlessly pursuing the career opportunity of a lifetime, that would be a reason to sacrifice. If all she has is a day-gig she quits on easily and then gives you grief, I see no reason to sacrifice for that.
Again, maybe I'm mis-reading but, it sounds like you have far more invested in the relationship than she does.
Maybe I'm reading more into the above statement than is there but, it sounded to me like she was the only reason you're sticking around and that, deep down, you'd rather be elsewhere. Were she relentlessly pursuing the career opportunity of a lifetime, that would be a reason to sacrifice. If all she has is a day-gig she quits on easily and then gives you grief, I see no reason to sacrifice for that.
Again, maybe I'm mis-reading but, it sounds like you have far more invested in the relationship than she does.
Let me put it this way - career aside, location aside, she knows about my grow. She lives with me. I don't think she'd be the vengeful type... but... rule #1...
