Heres a joke that is funny and does not contain a single dirty word.

[stoner 13th]

Bill responded - his voice full of anguish and disappointment, This is awful, this is not what I expected. I can't believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful naked women drinking wine and playing in the water?

God says, "That was the screen saver"

Buckeye

thats a good joke- but i heard it with a different punchline- when i heard it the ending went-

Bill gates- what happened to all the nice beaches and all the beautiful women?
God- That was hell 3.1, this is hell 95


ps- long live joke threads!!! OG used to have joke threads like 20 pages long, you could read jokes until you couldnt laugh anymore- it was awsome.....

 

[chuckyoufarley]

A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you
a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then
the gator will close his mouth for one minute. "Then open his mouth and I'll
remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of
you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson
and related parts in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth
as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and
smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his
mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd
cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up
again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it
a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of
the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up..........."I'll try It! Just
promise not to hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"

 

[Guest]

A man once went to a carnival. At the carnival he seen a sign that read," $1000 to whom ever can make this horse laugh." So the man paid his one dollar and entered the tent where the horse was. A moment later the horse started to laugh and the man won his $1000.
A week later the same man went to the same carnival. He now seen a sign that read, " $2000 to whom ever can make this horse cry." So the man paid his one dollar and entered the tent where the horse was. A moment later the horse started to cry and the man won his $2000.
The keeper of the horse approched the man and said, " I remember you from last week when you made my horse laugh. Now this week you make him cry. What did you do?"
The man replied," Last week I told him I had a bigger penis than he did. And this week I showed him."

 

[chuckyoufarley]

Thisbuds4u that was friggin great tanx for the LAUGH

 

[Wacky Tobacky]

OMG ROFL!!!!!
good stuff!!!

 

[Guest]

Thisbuds4u that was friggin great tanx for the LAUGH

Your welcome chuck. Yours gave me a good laugh also.

 

[robobond]

I dont really like chuck norris jokes but some are kinda funny.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and shits them out transformed into a robot.

 

[Guest]

did you know chuck norris' tears cure cancer? too bad he never cries!

saw that on a tee shirt!

 

[Guest]

^^^^^^I'm with stupid. Seen that on a t-shirt also.

 

[Guest]

Well....You said that right after my joke.....ppppfffftttt

I thought it was pretty good.

 

[chuckyoufarley]

the purina diet

the purina diet

Subject: Purina dog food diet


I have a Labrador Retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina dog
Food. I was standing in the line at Walmart, and a woman behind me
Asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Dog Food
Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
Hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in
An intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
And IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
That it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and
Simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
Nutritionally complete, s o I was going to try it again.
I have to mention that practically everyone in the line was by now
Enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned, and that was why I was
In the hospital.
I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and
A car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have a heart attack he was
Laughing so hard.

 

[Guest]

LMFAO----I'll have to remember that one.

 

[Guest]

guy traveling at speed trying to recover time on his already late journey to work catches a glimpse of a speed cop at the end of a bridge zeroing in on him, realising he's trapped (on a bridge) he lets off and drifts up to the gloating,smug,self loathing,dicksucking (probably) cop who then procceds with the usual palava, once the ticket is issued the cop then asks why on earth he was going so quick over a bridge anyways???

the dude glances up & replies "ive a really important job & im late......"
oh, sez the cop, whats that then? puzzled,
the guy replies with a cool eye & sez "im a rectum expander"
a now bemused cop continues, "a what?"
the guy replies, a rectum expander, we start with a finger, work it up to a hand, insert a pnumatic jack then gently work it until its 6ft wide.......,
the cop in total disbelief then falls for it & asks "what on earth do you do with a 6foot arsehole........"
well, replies the man, we start by giving him a radar and placing it at the end of a bridge..........

 

[Guest]

Click on pic to enlarge