Help me make a joke, but legal sounding letter to my wife.

[CannaRed]

Hey good luck canna red..im in the same boat as you..never had children and by choice dont really have friends...but like you want I had the next best thing..only I lost him two days ago...but aleast hearing your story and what a new life in your little family will bring to you brought me alittle comfort..anyway best of luck im sure this will bring you an your wife both much joy.

I'm so sorry to hear it Storm. They certainly ARE our best friends.
Much luck to you in your "darkstorm". The sun will come out again.

 

[CannaRed]

AGREEMENT

This agreement is made and entered into by Mr CannaRed, herein referred to as "Canine Gifter", and Mrs CannaRed, herein referred to as "Canine Giftee". The Canine Gifter is engaged in supplying Canine Giftee with a Domestic Canine, herein referred to as "Dog", as no cost to the Canine Giftee. It is the intent of the parties hereto that this Agreement establish the conditions applicable to such activities as hereinafter more fully described.

ARTICLE I - RECOGNITION

1. The Canine Giftor recognizes the Canine Giftee as the exclusive recipient of of the Dog.

2. The Canine Giftee recognizes the Canine Giftor as the exclusive party responsible for the giving of the Dog.

ARTICLE II - SCOPE OF AGREEMENT

1. The Canine Giftee hereby accepts and acknowledges sole responsibility for the Dog upon acceptance of the gift from the Canine Gifter.

2. Upon transfer of gifting the Dog from the Canine Gifter to the Canine Giftee, the Canine Gifter agrees to indemnify and hold the Canine Gifter harmless from any and all claims resulting from any activities incurred by the Dog following the gifting process.

3. The Canine Giftee additionally agrees to take full responsibility for any and all succeeding issues relating to the care, health, and safety of the Dog upon acceptance of the gift, including but not limited to the following: feeding, providing water, vet visits, pet medication, grooming, exercise, socialization, training, and cleanup of potential messes of any nature.

ARTICLE III- GRIEVANCE AND ARBITRATION

1. Any dispute between the Canine Gifter and Canine Giftee concerning the interpretation and/or application of this Agreement which cannot be initially resolved by the Canine Gifter and Canine Giftee, may be submitted to arbitration by either party for resolution.

2. If an arbitrator cannot be mutually selected, then one shall be selected by lot from an arbitration panel obtained from the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service. The arbitrator and parties shall follow the labor rules of the American Arbitration Association.

ARTICLE IV - SAFETY

1. The Canine Giftee agrees that all required safety procedures shall be followed to protect the safety of any and all persons and animals in presence of the Dog at all times.

2. To protect the health and safety of all persons and animals, the Canine Gifter reserves the right to dismiss the Dog at any time during which appropriate safety protocol is not enforced by the Canine Giftee.

ARTICLE V - TERM AND EFFECTIVE DATE

1. This agreement shall be effective and remain in full force and effect until the Dog is either lost or given away by the Canine Giftee, or the Dog stops living from either natural, accidental, or intentional causes.

Awesome.

 

[JustSumTomatoes]

You have no idea what you're up against. Most women are incredibly capable of finding loopholes in any agreement and exploiting them to their max potential. One minute you're gifting your old lady with a wonderful new pooch and a witty letter. The next you will be buying a mountain of accessories for the pup, then an awesome dog house, and then the dog lives in the house while you get tossed out and live in the dog house. Joke's on you this Christmas

My girl's parents had this wonderful yellow lab that I adored and after 14 years it passed. Within a week they had adopted a new black lab puppy and I must admit, I was pretty butthurt. Wasn't quite ready to accept the new "replacement" dog. As it goes the puppy was pretty badly behaved and needed training. Over time I grew very fond of her. I now take their dog for long walks/runs every few days and have a new friend. Only a cold soul doesn't have a special place in their heart for a good dog.

 

[CannaRed]

*WINNER*



Maybe you could insert a clause somewhere that the Gifter may enjoy any benefits that the Dog provides such as cuddles and love but in no way has this any bearing on the responsibilities of the Gifter.
Should the Giftee have any dispute with this clause after the fact, the Gifter has full right to consider the whole agreement null and void, unless Giftee can find *some way* to appease the Gifter.

IDK, you are much better at it than me.

Most def have to add this!

 

[CannaRed]

Are you suggesting you share your Wife with us? Or aspects of her personality? I think you're a dissociated creep, CannaRed!

Yeah teddy, that's what I'm trying to do. Where the fuck is the eye roll emoji when I need it?!?!

Anyways...
You'd bring her back before you left my driveway.

 

[CannaRed]

I'm confused, why don't you just get her a dog for Christmas, no strings attached?

Takes all the fun out of it.

 

[CannaRed]

I was only joking. I didn't mean to add any extra wrinkles into the agreement, it was just meant to be silly.

That's what I'm looking for... Silly! I'm just playing jokes on my wife, like we always do.

But wanted it to sound all "official"

 

[Capra ibex]

That's what I'm looking for... Silly! I'm just playing jokes on my wife, like we always do.

But wanted it to sound all "official"

I'm not thinking very creatively today, i mentioned that i wanted Null and Void shoehorned into the agreement

I don't really know why either?? Other than Null and Void sounds official and funny to me

 

[CannaRed]

You have no idea what you're up against. Most women are incredibly capable of finding loopholes in any agreement and exploiting them to their max potential. One minute you're gifting your old lady with a wonderful new pooch and a witty letter. The next you will be buying a mountain of accessories for the pup, then an awesome dog house, and then the dog lives in the house while you get tossed out and live in the dog house. Joke's on you this Christmas

My girl's parents had this wonderful yellow lab that I adored and after 14 years it passed. Within a week they had adopted a new black lab puppy and I must admit, I was pretty butthurt. Wasn't quite ready to accept the new "replacement" dog. As it goes the puppy was pretty badly behaved and needed training. Over time I grew very fond of her. I now take their dog for long walks/runs every few days and have a new friend. Only a cold soul doesn't have a special place in their heart for a good dog.

I know what you mean about the replacement dog.
That's why we thought if we got one now, then when our current dog passes, we still have our baby, but it isn't a "replacement".

Kinda softens the blow of *picking a replacement" if if it's already there

 

[CannaRed]

I'm not thinking very creatively today, i mentioned that i wanted Null and Void shoehorned into the agreement

I don't really know why either?? Other than Null and Void sounds official and funny to me

Sure! I'll add a "null and void" in there!
Just for you ibex. I like the way you think.

 

[GOT_BUD?]

Acquiesce to her request in accordance with state and federal law