Help me make a joke, but legal sounding letter to my wife.

[CannaRed]

Wife has been wanting another dog. I've been opposed, but a friend's comment made me change my mind.

Her family dog passed away and she said she never wanted to lose another dog without having another dog there to comfort her, so she wouldn't be alone. Heartbreaking....

We don't have children, so our pets ARE our children. I'd do anything to give her a child, but pets are next best thing.

so I gave in. Well... I haven't told her yet. Figured I could break it to her with a joke

I'm definitely no lawyer. I want a really legal sounding, lawyer speak letter I can print out and give her at Christmas.

Basically me saying that after much consideration- I'm giving in. That while I promise to love and maybe spoil it, that I have no obligation to take it to the bathroom, or clean up puke, shit or piss. And I reserve the right

Something along the lines of this:

To Mrs. CannaRed
I CannaRed hereby officially submit my notice of removal of opposition to getting a puppy

I also submit notice of negation of responsibility of said puppy. Under no circumstances shall I be held responsible for any messed.. etc..

But much more legal speak!

The harder for her to understand the better!

Can't anyone help me please

 

[YukonKronic]

Good luck man. My wife got a ferret under same auspices. Took about a year for her to hate on me every time I let her know it shat on the floor again. Now I got two animals that piss me off.

 

[MedFaced]

I don’t know if they let you print the final draft without paying but you can start with it as a template.

https://www.lawdepot.com/contracts/pet-agreement/?loc=US&s=QSGeneralInfo&g=first_owner_group

Enjoy!

 

[CannaRed]

I don’t know if they let you print the final draft without paying but you can start with it as a template.

https://www.lawdepot.com/contracts/pet-agreement/?loc=US&s=QSGeneralInfo&g=first_owner_group

Enjoy!

Thanks faced! That's for a divorce, but I can use a little bit of the wording from "necessities of life" section.

 

[MedFaced]

Hmmm. When I click it it goes to a pet agreement form. Strange.

 

[flylowgethigh]

Get the new dawg from the pound

Get the new dawg from the pound

So sad all the good dawgs in the pound. Not their fault their "owner" abandoned them. All my dawgs were homeless and now they have a place to protect.

 

[thailer]

i am just curious but with the current dog, do you clean up puke and poop? like you accept and enjoy the responsibility of taking care of the current dog? i am with the first commenter that it may cause fights later on if you are not fully on board. also, i see how a peice of paper so responsibility of who does what can work for certain things like roommates living together but i think telling her this way may zap some of the joy out of the present because she will know you don't really want to take care of it. would it be different if the aggreement is you can have a dog but cannared gets to pick it out? maybe the act itself of picking out the dog will help you get that bond you'll need to help you pick up steaming dog doo.

i honestly want a second dog because mine is almost ten years old but i don't think i could find a better dog than mine plus she might be feel replaced. so i've been in this limbo. is that where you're at?

 

[TheDarkStorm]

Hey good luck canna red..im in the same boat as you..never had children and by choice dont really have friends...but like you want I had the next best thing..only I lost him two days ago...but aleast hearing your story and what a new life in your little family will bring to you brought me alittle comfort..anyway best of luck im sure this will bring you an your wife both much joy.

 

[indagroove]

AGREEMENT

This agreement is made and entered into by Mr CannaRed, herein referred to as "Canine Gifter", and Mrs CannaRed, herein referred to as "Canine Giftee". The Canine Gifter is engaged in supplying Canine Giftee with a Domestic Canine, herein referred to as "Dog", as no cost to the Canine Giftee. It is the intent of the parties hereto that this Agreement establish the conditions applicable to such activities as hereinafter more fully described.

ARTICLE I - RECOGNITION

1. The Canine Giftor recognizes the Canine Giftee as the exclusive recipient of of the Dog.

2. The Canine Giftee recognizes the Canine Giftor as the exclusive party responsible for the giving of the Dog.

ARTICLE II - SCOPE OF AGREEMENT

1. The Canine Giftee hereby accepts and acknowledges sole responsibility for the Dog upon acceptance of the gift from the Canine Gifter.

2. Upon transfer of gifting the Dog from the Canine Gifter to the Canine Giftee, the Canine Gifter agrees to indemnify and hold the Canine Gifter harmless from any and all claims resulting from any activities incurred by the Dog following the gifting process.

3. The Canine Giftee additionally agrees to take full responsibility for any and all succeeding issues relating to the care, health, and safety of the Dog upon acceptance of the gift, including but not limited to the following: feeding, providing water, vet visits, pet medication, grooming, exercise, socialization, training, and cleanup of potential messes of any nature.

ARTICLE III- GRIEVANCE AND ARBITRATION

1. Any dispute between the Canine Gifter and Canine Giftee concerning the interpretation and/or application of this Agreement which cannot be initially resolved by the Canine Gifter and Canine Giftee, may be submitted to arbitration by either party for resolution.

2. If an arbitrator cannot be mutually selected, then one shall be selected by lot from an arbitration panel obtained from the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service. The arbitrator and parties shall follow the labor rules of the American Arbitration Association.

ARTICLE IV - SAFETY

1. The Canine Giftee agrees that all required safety procedures shall be followed to protect the safety of any and all persons and animals in presence of the Dog at all times.

2. To protect the health and safety of all persons and animals, the Canine Gifter reserves the right to dismiss the Dog at any time during which appropriate safety protocol is not enforced by the Canine Giftee.

ARTICLE V - TERM AND EFFECTIVE DATE

1. This agreement shall be effective and remain in full force and effect until the Dog is either lost or given away by the Canine Giftee, or the Dog stops living from either natural, accidental, or intentional causes.

 

[Capra ibex]

AGREEMENT

This agreement is made and entered into by Mr CannaRed, herein referred to as "Canine Gifter", and Mrs CannaRed, herein referred to as "Canine Giftee". The Canine Gifter is engaged in supplying Canine Giftee with a Domestic Canine, herein referred to as "Dog", as no cost to the Canine Giftee. It is the intent of the parties hereto that this Agreement establish the conditions applicable to such activities as hereinafter more fully described.

ARTICLE I - RECOGNITION

1. The Canine Giftor recognizes the Canine Giftee as the exclusive recipient of of the Dog.

2. The Canine Giftee recognizes the Canine Giftor as the exclusive party responsible for the giving of the Dog.

ARTICLE II - SCOPE OF AGREEMENT

1. The Canine Giftee hereby accepts and acknowledges sole responsibility for the Dog upon acceptance of the gift from the Canine Gifter.

2. Upon transfer of gifting the Dog from the Canine Gifter to the Canine Giftee, the Canine Gifter agrees to indemnify and hold the Canine Gifter harmless from any and all claims resulting from any activities incurred by the Dog following the gifting process.

3. The Canine Giftee additionally agrees to take full responsibility for any and all succeeding issues relating to the care, health, and safety of the Dog upon acceptance of the gift, including but not limited to the following: feeding, providing water, vet visits, pet medication, grooming, exercise, socialization, training, and cleanup of potential messes of any nature.

ARTICLE III- GRIEVANCE AND ARBITRATION

1. Any dispute between the Canine Gifter and Canine Giftee concerning the interpretation and/or application of this Agreement which cannot be initially resolved by the Canine Gifter and Canine Giftee, may be submitted to arbitration by either party for resolution.

2. If an arbitrator cannot be mutually selected, then one shall be selected by lot from an arbitration panel obtained from the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service. The arbitrator and parties shall follow the labor rules of the American Arbitration Association.

ARTICLE IV - SAFETY

1. The Canine Giftee agrees that all required safety procedures shall be followed to protect the safety of any and all persons and animals in presence of the Dog at all times.

2. To protect the health and safety of all persons and animals, the Canine Gifter reserves the right to dismiss the Dog at any time during which appropriate safety protocol is not enforced by the Canine Giftee.

ARTICLE V - TERM AND EFFECTIVE DATE

1. This agreement shall be effective and remain in full force and effect until the Dog is either lost or given away by the Canine Giftee, or the Dog stops living from either natural, accidental, or intentional causes.

*WINNER*



Maybe you could insert a clause somewhere that the Gifter may enjoy any benefits that the Dog provides such as cuddles and love but in no way has this any bearing on the responsibilities of the Gifter.
Should the Giftee have any dispute with this clause after the fact, the Gifter has full right to consider the whole agreement null and void, unless Giftee can find *some way* to appease the Gifter.

IDK, you are much better at it than me.

 

[indagroove]

*WINNER*



Maybe you could insert a clause somewhere that the Gifter may enjoy any benefits that the Dog provides such as cuddles and love but in no way has this any bearing on the responsibilities of the Gifter.
Should the Giftee have any dispute with this clause after the fact, the Gifter has full right to consider the whole agreement null and void, unless Giftee can find *some way* to appease the Gifter.

IDK, you are much better at it than me.

We could add that under Scope of Agreement..

4. It shall be expressly understood that while the Canine Gifter is allowed and afforded any and all domestic benefits typically associated with mutual relationships between tamed animals and their human owners, including but not limited to petting, cuddling, games of fetch and similar, any such relationship between the Dog and Canine Gifter shall not in any way intimate or establish any responsibilities unto the Canine Gifter towards said Dog.

 

[Capra ibex]

We could add that under Scope of Agreement..

4. It shall be expressly understood that while the Canine Gifter is allowed and afforded any and all domestic benefits typically associated with mutual relationships between tamed animals and their human owners, including but not limited to petting, cuddling, games of fetch and similar, any such relationship between the Dog and Canine Gifter shall not in any way intimate or establish any responsibilities unto the Canine Gifter towards said Dog.

Yes, something like that

I tried to shoehorn the term 'null and void' somehow into mine.... sounds super 'contract/ legal jargon-ish' to me.

 

[indagroove]

Yes, something like that

I tried to shoehorn the term 'null and void' somehow into mine.... sounds super 'contract/ legal jargon-ish' to me.

I'm not sure the OP wants "null and void" clauses. I think he wants a binding agreement. Only put null and void in there if you think you may want to get out of the deal. In this case I think that would mean he'd have to take the dog back.

 

[Capra ibex]

I defer to you counselor

 

[Teddybrae]

Are you suggesting you share your Wife with us? Or aspects of her personality? I think you're a dissociated creep, CannaRed!

 

[CosmicGiggle]

I'm confused, why don't you just get her a dog for Christmas, no strings attached?

 

[Gypsy Nirvana]

what about insurance? - is the dog insured to pee on your Persian carpet?

 

[Capra ibex]

I'm not sure the OP wants "null and void" clauses. I think he wants a binding agreement. Only put null and void in there if you think you may want to get out of the deal. In this case I think that would mean he'd have to take the dog back.

I was only joking. I didn't mean to add any extra wrinkles into the agreement, it was just meant to be silly.

 

[CannaRed]

So sad all the good dawgs in the pound. Not their fault their "owner" abandoned them. All my dawgs were homeless and now they have a place to protect.

Most definitely will be a rescue or shelter dog.

 

[CannaRed]

i am just curious but with the current dog, do you clean up puke and poop? like you accept and enjoy the responsibility of taking care of the current dog? i am with the first commenter that it may cause fights later on if you are not fully on board. also, i see how a peice of paper so responsibility of who does what can work for certain things like roommates living together but i think telling her this way may zap some of the joy out of the present because she will know you don't really want to take care of it. would it be different if the aggreement is you can have a dog but cannared gets to pick it out? maybe the act itself of picking out the dog will help you get that bond you'll need to help you pick up steaming dog doo.

i honestly want a second dog because mine is almost ten years old but i don't think i could find a better dog than mine plus she might be feel replaced. so i've been in this limbo. is that where you're at?

Yeah, I'm just trying to be a hard ass, but I jiggle like jello. I definitely do clean up after our pooch. She's my Daugger!
Of course I will take it for walks and such. I just wanted to be funny and have it on record that I'm not walking it.

We both work during the day so, it would be company for our pooch while away. We have two cats that are running around like meth heads. I want our dog to have a playmate.