help, advice, guidance...

[LEF]

One time I went on vacation to celebrate a family occasion.

We arrived monday, I over drank (they we're generous in the alcohol content, and I didn't see it coming, was in a good mood)

bam

the rest of the week, I was very careful


It was my first time waking up, going, what ? where are my stuff ?
oh no

I get up and see all these scratches and bruises on my body

I don't let it go there anymore

too dangerous, you can hit a wall, or stumble and break your teeth

or worse, get a beating



I had lots of flash backs, but I tried to let them go..

I arrived at the buffet table, and the server goes, hi, you don't remember me ?

I say no, I don't remember anything really

(except I had ordered a hamburger and that's where it ended)

oh yeah.. he says

you came in here

and you peed in the thrash can

(I remembered that vaguely)

I said oh yeah...

I am really sorry, smiling, because I was proud to had done it in the garbage instead of on the floor

lol, he wasn't mad or anything, I guess they see that all the time

I did my business like a well behaved dog

 

[stoned-trout]

I could tell lots of booze stories from my younger days...like partying in maine in winter and waking up in Daytona beach florida the next day...now that was some serious drinking ....now I am in control ....not everyone can control their ingestion of alcohol...some just shouldn't drink at all....

 

[Mikell]

ha ha ..haven't had my morning bloody mary and joint yet ...just woke up....lol..I don't comment on others grammar and such as mine aint so good either..i really was out back toking up ... I knew grammar and such wasn't needed for my lifestyle and work...long as you can talk/read well...........yeehaw

bombadil nailed it

I try not to go nancy pants and comment on grammar/structure, but the eyes and brain rebel trying to read a senta-graph. A few breaks makes it easier on the ol' glazzies.

 

[t99]

So back to the important part, DID you get the BIKE yet?

 

[HempKat]

well...let me apologize in advance for yummy budding but i truly have no where else to turn except my dog. a month ago i had a friend. a friend that meant the world to me. the way we got along was like undescribable. i have personally never in my life held someone in such high esteem. a month ago i was drinking. something i have absolutely no business doing obviously with good reason. as my friend was leaving they made me feel slighted on the way out the door. i continued to drink for another half an hour and thats when dr jeckle became mr hyde or how ever it works. i suddenly and maliciously decided to do something passive aggressive to sabatoge my friends relationship foolishly tricking myself into believing i was doing so annonomously. it was clearly obvious it was me. i dont remember the full extent of what i exposed due to intoxication but what i do remember was more than enough to make someone want to feed me to the wolves. i dont mean to sound like a hippocritical, contradictive asshole but under normal circumstances i am fiercely loyal and wouldnt even betray someone i didnt like let alone someone i did. i woke up the next day and recalled what i did. instead of leaving the fire i made alone and hoping it went out i procedded to spend the last month binge drinking and making daily angry tupac style rants on my facebook page. in most cases im indirect and generalize but other posts have been crystal clear who i am aiming at. as a result i have initiated real life conflict with certain individules that i will cross paths with again. when i do. odds are definately against me. i have spent the last month hating and loathing myself. the guilt that i am harbouring over this situation has manifested itself into anxiety attacks multiple times a day, bad dreams, straight out nightmares and constantly on edge. my sleep for the last month has been laboured at best and for short periods only. at this point i just want to sincerely apologize to the friend i hurt but they wont speak to me and surely wouldnt believe it anyway. what i did was far too over the line to appear to be anything short of an act of war. i cant blame the alcohol for my actions but i am no fool. i would never get the impulse to do something like that sober. and if i did i would have come to my senses before it was too late. all i want is for them to know how sorry i am and to figure out how to forgive myself which just isnt possible knowing how awful and uncharachteristic it was of me. if i dont get this situation under control im afraid of how dark things will get for me. i already suffer from severe depresion, anxiety and ptsd. i dont know how to live with what i have done. do you?

Well the common theme to the "evils" you've said you committed, is that you did them while intoxicated. Usually operating under an assumption. You said the trigger to all this was "as my friend was leaving they made me feel slighted on the way out the door". They can't make you feel anything, feelings we create and assign values to within ourselves. further since you didn't act on it when it happened but rather a half hour after your friend left it might have just been a misunderstanding. Perhaps had you mentioned it at the time it might have been revealed that you were mistaking things or that your friend didn't mean to make you feel slighted.

Anyway since you are able to totally backstab your best friend ever over a perceived slight that might have been a misunderstanding all because you got drunk then clearly you need to give up alcohol.

You should also give up Facebook, it seems like this great wonderful thing but it can do far more harm then good, especially if you are prone to getting drunk and going into emotional rants on your "Wall".

The third bit of advice I would give is leave it alone, if there are people who maybe want to do you physical harm then I doubt saying "Sorry, I didn't mean it, I was drunk" will make them forgive and forget. If this person was as close of a friend as you say then in time you'll have a chance to patch things up. It might not happen as quick as you want but it will happen, otherwise the person didn't share your sense of friendship.

 

[HempKat]

im just gonna continue smashing ink into my skin for the pain relief it gives me and tomorrow im buying a crotch rocket. i have never ridden a bike in my life so im hoping i can get unlucky early...

Wow, just wow. That's the first time I ever heard someone say they were going to buy a motorcycle with the hope it might kill them.

 

[stoned-trout]

crash and burn ...if you aint doing atleast 110 your a pussy...mopeds and scooters don't count as a bike either

 

[LEF]

Wow, just wow. That's the first time I ever heard someone say they were going to buy a motorcycle with the hope it might kill them.

I have met a guy who, after a breakup drove into a wall with a car

he didn't die, got some permanent spine injuries

 

[stoned-trout]

is there airbags in bikes now????lol ...after 100 your toast

 

[Vash]

Taking all bets that he fucks up again.

 

[HempKat]

I have met a guy who, after a breakup drove into a wall with a car

he didn't die, got some permanent spine injuries

I don't get it though, if you're that determined to kill yourself then why not pick a way that will definitely get the job done rather then a way that could conceivably leave you much worse off then before?

 

[stoned-trout]

nothing more depressing than becoming paralyzed.....lol...if you disable airbags and go fast enough living wont be an issue

 

[Stoner4Life]

hate to sound mercenary but if you're going to off yourself & made it look like an accident then do someone here a favor and write up a life insurance policy (double indemnity for accidental death) that way somebody has a chance to crawl out of your grave a winner.......