Having no expectations

[CosmicGiggle]

BTW, I have trained all my dogs using this concept (ability vs willingness)...as well as employees, co-workers, spouse, friends, etc. It is accurate over 80% of the time.

I'd like to know more specifics about this technique, especially details on the spouse training!

 

[Americangrower]

I have high expectations .. I highly expect to be let down, that way if I'm not it brings great joy.

Oh wait I thought this was the Wake N Bake thread.

 

[CosmicGiggle]

Having no expectations means no one has to live up to your high expectations and moralistic judgements!

It really takes the pressure off and peeps can be themselves.

You learn a lot and get to the truth a lot faster.

People like you.

It's good to be open to the magic and alla the possibilities that openness brings.

 

[DocTim420]

I'd like to know more specifics about this technique, especially details on the spouse training!

Let's suppose you want your spouse to prepare a particular dish, say Hungarian Goulash, I submit there are two possibly scenarios: If she has never prepared it before, then she needs to learn (ability issue); if she HAS prepared it in the past, then she needs to be motivated (willingness issue). An "either" "or" thing.

To encourage her to learn, a solution of clipping recipes and buying an Hungarian cookbook (providing her with the "ability") are solutions that should work. To motivate her, a solution of bribing and cutting a deal with her will work best, (providing her with the "willingness"), even the infamous: "If you do this for me, then I will do that for you." You win either way.

Now, reverse the two responses--if she knows how to prepare the best Goulash in the world...then clipping recipes or buying cookbooks will not be very effective (she may actually be insulted). You lose.

If she has no idea how to prepare Goulash, then bribing or cutting a deal with her will not get what you want....which is a dish of excellent home cooked Goulash (she probably will become frustrated and abandon the idea all together). You lose.

Knowing which response to provide is the key here. A correct answer for one person's scenario is probably an incorrect answer for someone else's situation.

Training dogs...same same (no offense to my lady friends). After overcoming the "ability issue" (dog knows what you want it to do--come, sit, down, gimme-five, rollover, stop, etc)...don't we bribe the dog to repeat/reinforce the command?...thus overcoming the "willingness issue"? Teach first...then bribe/reward--not bribe/reward first, then "teach" second.

This path will always lead you to a fork with two choices: Willingness or Ability. Match the situation to the correct response...then all will be well at the Western Front; pick the wrong one...well, let's just say a "mushroom cloud" will probably on the horizon soon....lol.

 

[CosmicGiggle]

So lemme get this straight Tim, what yer saying is that you PAY your wife to do what you want (bribery), right???

...... sounds to me like YOU might be the one who's been trained well!!!

 

[DocTim420]

So lemme get this straight Tim, what yer saying is that you PAY your wife to do what you want (bribery), right???

...... sounds to me like YOU might be the one who's been trained well!!!

Bribery...aka positive reinforcement, carrot (not the stick), inducement, dozen roses, diamonds, etc have worked well over the years. Over 10 years ago for Christmas, instead of diamonds--I bought my wife a car (you know, one that comes with a 1st and last name) and guess what?...she is still happy this very day. I would say I got probably "more mileage" from buying her a nice car than her driving it. Who trained whom?

The question I posed was: How do I "induce" my wife to prepare me an excellent home cooked Goulash?

I submit her answers would range from "I don't know how" to "No way in hell".

I further submit, the appropriate response is dependent on her reason for not preparing Goulash. Not which "answer" is easiest for me to obtain (or what worked last time--should work again this time).

You see, busting 60 years young--I have developed an nice arsenal of techniques/tools that help me solve simple and complex matters (in my prior life, I consulted for a living and had to be "right" greater than flipping a coin...50/50, and I learned real early--I can be insanely paid when I you are 100% right). And guess what, this "willingness" and "ability" thing will work over 80% of the time...less time traveling down dead ends and endless rabbit holes.

That said, when a person does not do what you want ("aka, having no expectations"...the title of this thread), I operate on the notion that about 80% of the time it is a "willingness" or an "ability" issue (depending on the situation--it could also be a combination of both...compounding the problem a wee bit).

Shortcuts (like this one) helps me cut through shit and formulate a correct answer faster than the "average bear"....it has nothing to do with being "trained" or "pussy whipped", lol. It is all about being "correct", as opposed to being "incorrect".

 

[CosmicGiggle]

Well, OK I guess.

Now, tell me how you feel about Ayn Rand!

 

[DocTim420]

Well, OK I guess.

Now, tell me how you feel about Ayn Rand!

Her philosophy is basically anti this, anti that, with a big dose of one size fits all when it comes to religion...or should I say her preference for "no religion" for all.

Closed minded people usually are quirky in all things except when it comes to sex; how do you spell prude? LOL.

 

[Spaventa]

I've realized over the last few months that one of the secrets to life is to have no expectations for anything, especially other people and how they act and treat us.

↑ Self fulfilling prophecy.