Having no expectations

[KONY]

I've realized over the last few months that one of the secrets to life is to have no expectations for anything, especially other people and how they act and treat us.

This is a very easy concept, however harder to put to practice in realtime. One will get angry and annoyed in situations and react in the moment, then few minutes, hours, maybe even days if you are stubborn, realize that one had no control over said situations, and expecting things that are out of your control only sets one up for disappointment.

 

[billy_big_bud!]

i expected a better thread....

 

[Mikell]

I also think it very important.

Also to detach yourself from the world about you. All of my poorest decisions were influenced by emotion.

To remain fluid is to remain calm. There is always a solution but you will never see it if you allow events to effect you.

This is obviously more of an ideal. I frequently want to punch people in the throat from tail to head of each day.

 

[Weird]

I have this saying that I shared with someone last night and that is the refuge of the devil is in the mind of the enlightened man and it speaks of partial enlightenment

translated this means that once we have a command of an aspect of the human condition such as emotional attachment, instead of being filled with joy on the release of this attachment we are filled with resentment that other people don't understand the same obvious reality of enlightenment as we understand it, which at some levels is personal and relative and in some ways is universal

regardless of how far our minds come to understand the human condition and benefit from this new knowledge gained over time and through observation the ability to be fed by that alone is always challenged by the same, seemingly instinctive, primal if not self centered notion that everyone should be as developed as us

it happens exponentially more when communicating through devices and not face to face in person, which seems to be more difficult and less common for many people

 

[Borderliner]

excellent topic as my expectations of others is full of disappointments. Just the realization of this did not lead to a complete release from this crazy making. For me it is a process so maybe will catch myself before it happens or realize what is going on and doesn't last as long.

 

[Kalachakra]

Dukkha ...

edit https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dukkha
I believe that the illusion of control is the last one of the barriers of whom it is necessary to extract by love of oneself, the rest is only of the wind My soul Scarlet .

 

[Storm Shadow]

Time to take some shrooms and LSD ... it will all make sense ..especially if u combine the 2

 

[Weird]

Time to take some shrooms and LSD ... it will all make sense ..especially if u combine the 2

i prefer dmt on a headful but to eat their own

 

[Weird]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhk-ojOaopQ

 

[hellfire]

Expect Nothing
Just enjoy what you already have. It’s plenty.
Hidden benefit: You will realize how complete your life is already.

It can be comforting to have expectations sometimes, but not if you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

[DocTim420]

Sorry, I expect perfection from people around me...and usually get it.

If I have the "ability" (skill set, tools, resources) to perform excellently--but my work product is shit, then my problem is probably a "willingness issue". I can do the job..but I just don't want to.

On the other hand, if I have the "willingness" (desire, drive, want, mindset) to perform excellently--but my work product is shit, then my problem is probably a "ability issue". I want to do the job...but I just can't.

Each of the two scenarios require a different response. The "ability issue" is the easiest to remedy. The problem is lack of resources and the solutions should be obvious.

Whereas the "willingness issue" is the more difficult to respond to since the underlying problem is not known or obvious to see. What will it take to motivate someone that once did a excellent job...but now is performing shit, to be an excellent worker again? Retraining this person or providing more tools is not the answer; rather it is something within. Find out what is causing this person to behave like this--and that is your real problem; not more training, tools or resources.

And then sometimes a person just can't do the job...period. Example, I am a master mechanic but recently became a paraplegic. I have the knowledge and skill set to change tires on your car...and I really want to; but I can't. Buying me new tools (ability) is not the answer. Whispering words of encouragement and massaging my neck (willingness) is not the answer. My inability to change tires on your car is something that can not be remedied (wrong person for the job). Perhaps I would be better served teaching future master mechanics...since I can no longer perform as one, hmmm.

Moral of the story: Is it "ability" or "willingness" that is actually preventing a excellence performance? Which one?

BTW, I have trained all my dogs using this concept (ability vs willingness)...as well as employees, co-workers, spouse, friends, etc. It is accurate over 80% of the time.

 

[Borderliner]

those that can't do it teach

 

[Phaeton]

Then there are the outliers who do not fit any of this. Trauma drama when young distorts all subsequent interactions with humanity.

Expectations? They will hurt you, now or later, never forget the goal is pain. Try harder? Sure, why not, it takes the mind elsewhere. Live minute to minute, day to day is not predictable enough, not at all. The afternoon has no connection to events of the morning, this week has no bearing on next week or even tomorrow.

I have been here since 2011, what do I do?
I answer technical questions, take photos and relate what happens in the garden. Minimal whining occasionally about health, almost gleeful about the deterioration.

I do not know normal when I see it, even with my own children I avoid excessive contact and try to imagine closeness but cannot.

Expectations, like expecting to fly? That is an expectation.
I am down to months, possibly weeks, and it is getting harder to keep the focus necessary to hold off fear.
I expect folks with authority to revel in my situation and do what can be done to make it worse. This is more than an expectation, it is a guarantee based on 65 years of experience.

I am not upset, I accept what is, to deny reality would be the crazy part.

Often my posts seem at a tangent to the topic of the thread, this is not deliberate and I hope this one reflects the theme of 'expectations', if not then it can be passed over.

 

[MJPassion]

Those that can't do it,
Write about it.

I think that in the first case, DocTim, the younger gens aren't being taught how to persevere.
I mean... They've pretty much been given what they want for their entire lives & have not been taught the value of hard work & perseverance in order to realize that which they desire. A lot of these younger folks expect to be given what they want without any kind of remunerations or even a thank you.
Honestly, I see the trend bleeding into the 30-40+ crowd.
High expectations for very little to no work.
Matter of fact... I recently had a 49yo neighbor tell me that he wasn't going to work & that he expected everything to be given to him "for free"!
I was like... WTF!?!?

I don't want to work but I gotta persevere in order to eat like I like to eat & recreate like I like to recreate.

I work to live!
I DON'T live to work!

 

[EsterEssence]

No expectations No disappointments...

 

[KONY]

I have this saying that I shared with someone last night and that is the refuge of the devil is in the mind of the enlightened man and it speaks of partial enlightenment

translated this means that once we have a command of an aspect of the human condition such as emotional attachment, instead of being filled with joy on the release of this attachment we are filled with resentment that other people don't understand the same obvious reality of enlightenment as we understand it, which at some levels is personal and relative and in some ways is universal

regardless of how far our minds come to understand the human condition and benefit from this new knowledge gained over time and through observation the ability to be fed by that alone is always challenged by the same, seemingly instinctive, primal if not self centered notion that everyone should be as developed as us

it happens exponentially more when communicating through devices and not face to face in person, which seems to be more difficult and less common for many people

After reading, and rereading this post I feel as though the idea with this whole thing is almost selfish if the idea cannot be shared and taught to others. Like the buddhist that discovered how to be a buddha, but stays in the forest and never comes back to society.

The problem with being semi enlightened so to speak is that one starts trying to actively not have expectations, therefor having expectations about not having expectations.

One could also replace the word expectations with desire in the previous paragraph.

Time to take some shrooms and LSD ... it will all make sense ..especially if u combine the 2

I've tried, although not together....I think I am not waiting long enough in between, and/or not doing a large enough dose. I know if I took 6+ months off and did 300+ ug it could be life changing. However taking 6 months off, then only having 100 or 200ug is much safer for lack of a better word, but way less beneficial long term.

 

[Pinball Wizard]

I hated that book: Great Expectations

 

[DocTim420]

Those that can't do it,
Write about it.

I think that in the first case, DocTim, the younger gens aren't being taught how to persevere.
I mean... They've pretty much been given what they want for their entire lives & have not been taught the value of hard work & perseverance in order to realize that which they desire. A lot of these younger folks expect to be given what they want without any kind of remunerations or even a thank you.
Honestly, I see the trend bleeding into the 30-40+ crowd.
High expectations for very little to no work.
Matter of fact... I recently had a 49yo neighbor tell me that he wasn't going to work & that he expected everything to be given to him "for free"!
I was like... WTF!?!?

I don't want to work but I gotta persevere in order to eat like I like to eat & recreate like I like to recreate.

I work to live!
I DON'T live to work!

You are right. But somehow, I refuse to resign myself and let "mediocrity" become the new standard for "perfection".

It is funny though...it seems the expectation for "excellence" can be "subjective" for some, but "objective" for others--

When eggs are ordered sunny-side-up...how many of us will accept scrambled "heart healthy eggs" (yoke-less eggs) instead?
When offered the best "dabs" in the world...how many of us will accept dabs that go: snap, crackle and pop when touched by flame?
When a pint of Sculpin IPA is ordered...how many of us will accept Bud Light instead? And pay the Sculpin price?
When $500 is deposited to our bank account...how many of us will accept the recording of a $50 deposit instead?

See...everyone does expect excellence for certain things. But ahh, certain things get "a pass". Why? Hmmm, is it because some of us just "don't want to" (lol, there is that "willingness" thing again). To that I say: Physician, heal thyself! Take both hands, reach up, grab your earlobes and yank your head out of your ass!

 

[brown_thumb]

Most people are users/takers. It's just a fact of life... at least in the USA and in my experience.

 

[Weird]

After reading, and rereading this post I feel as though the idea with this whole thing is almost selfish if the idea cannot be shared and taught to others. Like the buddhist that discovered how to be a buddha, but stays in the forest and never comes back to society.

The problem with being semi enlightened so to speak is that one starts trying to actively not have expectations, therefor having expectations about not having expectations.

One could also replace the word expectations with desire in the previous paragraph.

or the organic achievement of a level of enlightenment, being our past previous placement is a true improvement

for many people this new place solves so many past problems and brings so much true benefit so the concept of "near perfect' isn't a negative critique but rather on a commentary that this developmental dynamic of "near perfect" is very real and by proxy of its roots in being a new plateau in our life it would seem unsurpassed

but as it is when we drive towards the horizon the soundscape changes in time with it, which in some part is the mirrors the nature of the human condition and enlightenment itself

this is where the ten realms are most potent as is the notion that desires are enlightenment