Grieving for green

[MountainBudz]

I don't know what had brought me to posting this, but it has been eating at me for some time now. I am a long time grower and toker of half of my life. I grow in and out, have already started harvesting some beautiful buds this year, getting ready to do my next indoor run soon.

I have laid off smoking the ganja for about a year now, up until then I smoked everyday morning, afternoon into the night. I loved it at one time and honestly I can say that it changed me into a much better person. It helped me understand the world in so many ways, made me more responsible as a father even, believe it or not. I also felt that it allowed me to see the world in a connectivity of energy with everything around me. From the weather outside, to the beauty of nature, to music, emotions and food. It really made everything interesting and much more beautiful.

Here is the catch though, for some unknown reason, this is why I quit smoking. For some reason I got to the point that every time I blazed, once the high started to kick in I started feeling very anxious, a burning feeling in my chest which I know is anxiety. Then my heart rate would increase and beads of sweat would begin there dooming journey down my forehead and i'd start feeling shakey. My breathing would get very thick and then, worries would flood my brain. For the entire momentum of the high, that is all I would think about is the way I felt which led to dizziness, worrying that I had heart problems due to increased heart rate and etc on and on.

I have done this before on those younger days when my tolerance was very low, I would green out or whatever they call it. I'd have to tell myself that I was only high, it was only anxiety and would go away. I guess after having these experiences everytime I would blaze I would think of feeling that way and boom! Here it comes again, that impending feeling of doom.

But as I got used to it, I really began to love it and it never, rarely done this to me anymore, even smoking a whole quarter bag in a days time, I was fine. But that is the weird thing, after having my child and some time enjoying these years of smoking it suddenly started making me feel this way again. So I thought at the time I could just slow down and take 2 or 3 tokes instead of toking a whole or half a joint. Well, nothing. Even with one hit these feelings would come back again and again.

So I just said fuck it and I stopped. Being an everyday smoker, it took my mind a month or so to get tuned back in to the sober (non medicated mind-frame). It was weird not being high and noticed that since I have quit, things aren't nearly as stimulating anymore nor do I have much emotion anymore. I sit and stare at my jars just wishing I could toke again and smelling buds all throughout the day but the fear of that feeling I began developing stops me from smoking.

The thing is, I REALLY REALLY wan't to start smoking again. I fucking love marijuana and I want to enjoy it again. Has anyone else ever been through this? What can I do? Its harder than just saying, well, I will smoke and just keep myself from thinking this way to stop that horrible side effect. I can't say nor can I agree that smoking isn't for me because I know there is something inside of me that truly loves it. Man I was such a better person before this all started.

I've been wanting to post this for a while, but have felt that I would get laughed at or hear a bunch of BS about having a mental problem or something. But since switching to this forum and getting to know people, everyone seems like great people. So i've opened it up, shoot me some advice, lets get out of this hole lol.

Sorry for the long ass rant but hopefully anyone can understand why it is so hard. Thanks for reading guys and gals!

 

[MountainBudz]

I would also like to add that I don't think this is brought on by strain either. I used to LOVE Sativa's, more pure sativa traits at that, more so than Indica. Either or, never affected me. I was getting some FIRE Kali Mist at one time and seen several people flip the F out on it, literally in panic they were so wound up, but it actually was very enjoyable to me. Very up and spiritual feeling and felt like I had so much energy and very adventurous. I loved it. I would hate to say but i'm sure if I smoked it nowadays it would really F up a good day lol.

 

[BlueBlazer]

What you wrote seems to infer that this change happened to you after you became a parent, but not immediately. Do you have to conceal it from your child who is now old enough to make that a challenge? Your spouse? Hiding it will put one in a paranoid frame of mind from the get go.

Also, if you are wound too tight about family things - finances, job security, reputation, etc. Perhaps your mind is fighting letting go to enjoy random thoughts about that dust mite in the beam of sunlight there.

That's all I got, but you got it for free so . . .

 

[waveguide]

i've been on and off for multi year periods several times in life for various reasons. what i'm gonig to say is worth fuck all to you because my erudition is so rare. after being covertly harassed by freemasons (read james walbert in wired magazine, dude wakes up he's got six implants above the neck, shit americans just deny, deny, deny) i eventually fled to australia and lived in a tent in NSW for a year. during that time i frequently encountered a "religious community" from newcastle who "speak in tongues but weren't jehovah's witnesses".

they tried to convert me four times. and i witnessed some weird shit people just don't believe -

roundabout path to the point - social pressure actually has amazing ways of manifesting that people are unaware of. i mean, most people are straight cocksuckers and have been encouraged to deny any analysis but a strict materialism so that people can control them with magic, but today people are being controlled with magic, implants, and a variety of other technological methods of influence/reinforcement.

fuck, the guy who is still operating in your community selling weed probably does so because he's a mason and does satanic shit and puts dog semen in the plants and shit. that would make me feel sick!

you know i remember someone years ago posted a picture of "australia's top satanist" who looked a bit like ronnie barker (british comedian) with a white van and a shih tzu. who rolls up as soon as i get to australia? cat who looks like ronnie barker in a fucking white van with a shih tzu. who posted that picture? people who fuck with me my entire life.

stepford wives pod people no bullshit. society and people are fucking evil beyond belief, check for footprints outside your window and see if someone isn't hanging out whispering shit wbhile you're asleep. me, i had the fucking boot prints so fuck anyone who can't handle believing people do that shit.

assholes tell you, "never attribute to malice what can be attributed to ineptitude" well maybe those assholes have a few things they don't want you to suspect innit.

it depends who you want to trust, a plant, of a species of total fuckwits who turn life into shit and can't handle fucking criticism.

 

[angelgoob]

Get an indica-based chemotype strain. High cannabidoil (cbd) to delta9tetrahydocannabinol (thc).

I had like 10 different strains and I could eventually tell what strains did this exact same thing you're describing to me.

 

[snuggles]

like with any drug, set and setting are crucial. if you're stressed out about something (responsibilities, bills etc.) a drug can, not saying it must, amplify those "negative feelings".
also i think it does depend on strain. for me white russian (serious seeds) gave me a high just like you describe it, every fucking time.
on the contrary i never get anxiety on good hash. maybe it's the plant matter in the buds?

good vibes

 

[420somewhere]

I think this has some merit

I think this has some merit

Get an indica-based chemotype strain. High cannabidoil (cbd) to delta9tetrahydocannabinol (thc).

I had like 10 different strains and I could eventually tell what strains did this exact same thing you're describing to me.

Good Luck

 

[amanda88]

Both times you were smoking, try different strains and different token methods, these anxiety attacks are in your head, not any one else's head?, deal with these attacks in a logical progressive manner....rarely does weed do anything but bring this poo from the bottom of your consciousness ...good luck

 

[dddaver]

There is a name for that. I forget the name exactly but it has been discussed in the medical forum. Hyper kenesis or something similar. Basically allergic, but I think yours is a little different anyway.

Many good suggestions here. I hafta agree about considering the added stresses in your life that occurred around the time the first symptoms occurred. Bringing a kid into your life is huge. You become directly responsible for another person's life, not just your own.

I also would try exclusively vaping. Totally different high for me. Way less intense while still getting the benefits from cannabis.

 

[Tonygreen]

i get that if i dont smoke enough some times

I recommend you try some sour bubble man. Zero anxiety, i call it herbal valium

 

[Green Squall]

i get that if i dont smoke enough some times

I recommend you try some sour bubble man. Zero anxiety, i call it herbal valium

I hear the strain Dank Sinatra has a similar effect. I'd like to try both.

 

[yesum]

Maple Leaf Indica, SAD from Sweet Seeds, Northern Lights from Peak. These never freak me out. You sound like you have panic attacks while stoned. The same rules to taming the attacks sober would apply.

You have a feedback loop established, worry cause last time I was high this happened, here comes that feeling.... Have to break the cycle. Focus outward next time if you go inward you will likely get into the loop of anxiety and self obsession.

 

[HempKat]

Did you ever get yourself checked out medically to rule out it wasn't a physical problem or did you just dismiss that because they seemed linked to the weed and when you stopped smoking the symptoms stopped?

Marijuana has been linked to lowering blood sugar levels. you could be hypoglycemic which means your blood sugar levels run lower then normal. If so then the blood sugar being further reduced by the weed could be sending you into a mild state of diabetic shock. What you describe sounds a lot like the symptoms of diabetic shock:

Are There Symptoms of Hypoglycemia or Warning Signs of Diabetic Shock?

The symptoms of hypoglycemia can be classified as mild or early, moderate, and severe. Mild symptoms include:
•Dizziness
•Irritability
•Moodiness or sudden changes in behavior
•Hunger
•Shakiness
•Sweating
•Rapid heart beat

Moderate symptoms include:
•Confusion
•Headache
•Poor coordination

When hypoglycemia becomes severe, symptoms include:
•Fainting and unconsciousness
•Seizures
•Coma

http://www.webmd.com/diabetes/guide/diabetic-shock-and-insulin-reactions?page=2

Another possibility is that on the occasions you experienced this you had also skipped a meal thereby allowing your blood sugar to become low and then the weed took you the rest of the way and you just never made the connection to that being a potential factor. .

 

[bigshrimp]

I agree a good indica might give you a different reaction. I have a nice bubba kush i keep around for reasons just like that. If i'm under a high amount of stress i really cant smoke some strains, it will give me too much anxiety.

 

[igrowone]

this is one thing mentioned with high anxiety/high heart rate
carbon monoxide in the smoke raises heart rate for some people
that in turn raises anxiety levels, seems liek a mostly canna thing, not so much for cigs
vaping could be a game changer for you

 

[Weird]

eat it

 

[Rolling Stoner]

I have been in the same situation MT Budz. One day I wake up and just couldn't puff any more. The same shit/feelings you describe. I took like six years off from weed (still grew).

Weird and igrowone have excellent points though. After 6 years off I started vaping. It made thing a lot better. Not as intense of a high right off the bat. And I started eating cookies, brownies, etc. Again, the high comes on much slower. That seemed to be the answer for me.

Now Im even puffing again! Although not nearly as much as I used to. No more 3 foot bong rips lol. But thats fine. Shit, I have even done some Dabs and loved it! Like getting high for the first time.

Anyway, you may need more time, but try to change it up from what you used to normally do.

 

[angelgoob]

Dank Sinatra LOL

What Tony said too, you might not smoke often and frequent enough.

I know from experience because I would cycle through a strain a week. No anxiety for a week then bam, smoking the other stuff did the anxiety thing to me.

Yes, find the right strain. It's key. A lot of people bring up that Sativa's or any chemotype with higher thc to cbd makes their heart race.

 

[DuskrayTroubador]

The important thing with anxiety is realizing that it's not a bad thing. You may be entering fight/flight mode, but that's just your body getting ready to perform at optimal levels. Anxiety is beneficial.

 

[toxic hippie]

anything with bubba kush should do the trick for ya...it always does me