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thats it this thread is for silly stupid funny shit...that is all post your joke or rag on a poster your choice...hopefully it dont get binned to quick...
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What is ISL, exactly?
ISL happens when two or more people (usually hippies, stoners, potheads) engage in a smoking session. Once each of the people in attendance is sufficiently high, they are susceptible to ISL. You see, when a stoner starts laughing - whether the subject being laughed about is actually funny or not - it is usually found to be a pretty hilarious spectacle. Maybe because his raspy giggle is leaving him breathless, or because he is being so loud the people downstairs are banging the ceiling with a broom handle. Nevertheless, this is where the danger begins. Often times another stoner in the group will also start to laugh. When stoner A finds out that stoner B is laughing at him, he will start to laugh harder. This in turn, causes stoner B to laugh even harder. Behold, the infinite stoner laugh.
Yeah, and what's the big deal?
For those of you that haven't figured out the dangers of ISL yet, I'll put it simply. ISL can KILL. Yes, that's right. I've seen and heard of several outcomes of ISL... none of them are good. One time, three men in Salt Lake City, Utah, were in an attic smoking a joint. After one man bumped his head on the ceiling, both other men started laughing. Ten minutes after ISL took effect the man that had bumped his head on the ceiling laughed so hard his lungs collapsed. The two other men continued to laugh until one of them had a heart attack.
Holy shit, how can I prevent ISL?
The obvious solution to prevent ISL is to stay away from marijuana, and people that use it. Now that I've stated the obvious solution, I'll tell you one that you will actually be able to follow (You God damned stoner). If you think you might be getting ISL, immediately leave the room and walk. It doesn't matter were you walk, as long as you are in public, and by yourself. Usually after 10 minutes of laughing and walking by yourself, you'll stop after realizing that other (more sane) people are looking at you. It is then safe to go home. Always remember, the most important thing to do to prevent ISL is to inform the people. 57% of the United States are still ignorant to the dangers of ISL. Give the URL of this web page (and/or print it out) to all of your friends, co-workers, and children. Even little Johnny needs to know the dangers of ISL, folks.
Other facts about ISL (And some less enjoyable ways to prevent it)
- You do not have to be under the influence of any drug to get ISL, although you are much more likely to get it if you are.
- ISL is the only case where laughter isn't the best medicine for your heart.
- If a group of people previously susceptible to ISL listen to Paris Hilton's newest single whilst they are among each other, it is impossible to get ISL.
- It is impossible to get ISL after breaking the stoned barrier.
ISL happens when two or more people (usually hippies, stoners, potheads) engage in a smoking session. Once each of the people in attendance is sufficiently high, they are susceptible to ISL. You see, when a stoner starts laughing - whether the subject being laughed about is actually funny or not - it is usually found to be a pretty hilarious spectacle. Maybe because his raspy giggle is leaving him breathless, or because he is being so loud the people downstairs are banging the ceiling with a broom handle. Nevertheless, this is where the danger begins. Often times another stoner in the group will also start to laugh. When stoner A finds out that stoner B is laughing at him, he will start to laugh harder. This in turn, causes stoner B to laugh even harder. Behold, the infinite stoner laugh.
Yeah, and what's the big deal?
For those of you that haven't figured out the dangers of ISL yet, I'll put it simply. ISL can KILL. Yes, that's right. I've seen and heard of several outcomes of ISL... none of them are good. One time, three men in Salt Lake City, Utah, were in an attic smoking a joint. After one man bumped his head on the ceiling, both other men started laughing. Ten minutes after ISL took effect the man that had bumped his head on the ceiling laughed so hard his lungs collapsed. The two other men continued to laugh until one of them had a heart attack.
Holy shit, how can I prevent ISL?
The obvious solution to prevent ISL is to stay away from marijuana, and people that use it. Now that I've stated the obvious solution, I'll tell you one that you will actually be able to follow (You God damned stoner). If you think you might be getting ISL, immediately leave the room and walk. It doesn't matter were you walk, as long as you are in public, and by yourself. Usually after 10 minutes of laughing and walking by yourself, you'll stop after realizing that other (more sane) people are looking at you. It is then safe to go home. Always remember, the most important thing to do to prevent ISL is to inform the people. 57% of the United States are still ignorant to the dangers of ISL. Give the URL of this web page (and/or print it out) to all of your friends, co-workers, and children. Even little Johnny needs to know the dangers of ISL, folks.
Other facts about ISL (And some less enjoyable ways to prevent it)
- You do not have to be under the influence of any drug to get ISL, although you are much more likely to get it if you are.
- ISL is the only case where laughter isn't the best medicine for your heart.
- If a group of people previously susceptible to ISL listen to Paris Hilton's newest single whilst they are among each other, it is impossible to get ISL.
- It is impossible to get ISL after breaking the stoned barrier.
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Hal
God.......damned.
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alexnalaskaOG
Getting Bord on the ice ??
Getting Bord on the ice ??
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A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."
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A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to
his house for an early afternoon "quickie."
"Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business
trip, so there's no risk."
As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse
and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth
control!"
"No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."
After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in
a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I
always knew she didn't trust me!"
his house for an early afternoon "quickie."
"Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business
trip, so there's no risk."
As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse
and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth
control!"
"No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."
After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in
a fury. "That witch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I
always knew she didn't trust me!"
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"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
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Tommy O'Connor went to confession and said, "Forgive me
father for I have sinned." "What have you done Tommy
O'Connor?" "I had sex with a girl." "Who was it, Tommy?"
"I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No father, please
forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was."
"Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No father, please
forgive me for my sin." "Well then it has to be, Sarah
Martha O'Keefe." "No father, please forgive me, I cannot
tell you who it was." "Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary's
and 4 Our Fathers and you will be abolished of your sin."
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph
was waiting. "What did ya get?" asked Joseph. "Well I
got 5 hail Mary's, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads."
father for I have sinned." "What have you done Tommy
O'Connor?" "I had sex with a girl." "Who was it, Tommy?"
"I cannot tell you father, please forgive me for my sin."
"Was it Mary Margaret Sullivan?" "No father, please
forgive me for my sin but I cannot tell you who it was."
"Was it Catherine Mary McKenzie?" "No father, please
forgive me for my sin." "Well then it has to be, Sarah
Martha O'Keefe." "No father, please forgive me, I cannot
tell you who it was." "Okay, Tommy go say 5 Hail Mary's
and 4 Our Fathers and you will be abolished of your sin."
So Tommy walked out to the pews where his friend Joseph
was waiting. "What did ya get?" asked Joseph. "Well I
got 5 hail Mary's, 4 Our Fathers, and 3 good leads."
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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town an kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town an kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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Hal
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- Steven Wright
- Steven Wright
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Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. "Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking in.
After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass of.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.
"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.
After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but decided to give the gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy, having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for his routine inspection, but this time something is wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of blankets freezing his ass of.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.
"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!" The devil replied.
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Hal
There are many wars....on many fronts. Plus, I am enjoying the HELL outa this Ben and Jerrys milk shake that I just blended up. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, kinda makes you question why anything else matters.
