Dr Seuss for Adults

[genkisan]

Here's a version of "One Fish Two Fish" that my wife and I wrote one late night.......

(this is wot havin' 3 kids will do to yer.....)

"One Fish Two Fish" , alternate words by Mr & Mrs genkisan




Crack Fish
Glue Fish
Pot Fish
'Lude Fish
Drunk Fish
Glue Fish
Suck Fish
Screw Fish
This one drinks lots in the bar
Then he drives home in his car
Say, what a lot of deaths there are

Yes, some are drunk and some are stoned
Some get blue balls, some get boned
And some are very, very zoned

Why are they stoned and boned and zoned?
I dunno, perhaps they're cloned

Some drink gin
And some drink Jack
The Jackfish also smokes bad crack

From here to there,
From there to here
Funny things are everywhere

Here are some who like to come
They like to cum in a hot tight bum

Oh me oh my
Oh me oh my
What a lot of horny things go by

Some have two tracks
Some have four
Some have six tracks
some have more

Where do they score from?
I can't say...
But I bet they score some every day

We see them puff,
We see them blow
Some get fast
And some get slow
Some are high
And some are low
Not one of them trips out like another
Don't ask us why....go dose yer mother

Hump Hump Hump
Do you like to pump a rump?
He humps the rump with just one pump...

But we know a man called Mister Gump
Mr Gump fucks with a seven pump hump
So if you like yer rump to be bumped and humped
Just get yerself bumped and pumped by Gump

Who am I, my name is Ned
I do not like to give you head
This is not good, this is not right
Whenever I suck you off I bite
And when I stick it in yer rear
You declare that I am queer

I like my dyke, a lez you see
my dyke she licks my quim for me
I like my dyke and this is why
She bites real hard on my inner thigh

Hello there Ned
How do you do
Tell me, tell me, can you screw?
Have you learnt to give good head?
Want to screw? Please fuck me Ned!

I cannot give good head at all...
I bite the head and crush the balls
a cock, a tongue, some lips, a slurp...
Oh what a load...oh what a burp!

I like to fuck
How I like to fuck
So everyday, I fuck a duck
In stinking guck I fuck my duck
I fuck in stinking duck fuck guck

Who is this putz?
Say, he's a yutz
You never met a putz I bet,
As nuts as they let this yutz putz get

Look what I got
In the shack in the back
They gave us some free,
And they called it smack

We'll snort it at our house
And then smoke some blow
Will our mother join us?
We hope so....

The lice are gone, the lice are done
I think I caught
another one
Everywhere, in all my hair
Fucking crabs are everywhere

At our house we fuck out back
We play a game called lick my sack
Would you like to play this game? Go down....
I have the biggest sack in town...

And now we're sauced, it's time to heave,
It's time to heave with our friend Steve..

Enjoy!

 

[Guest]

Hey Genk, how was your trip?...wheres the new inukshuk pics?



Seed

 

[Guest]

wtf.. lol.. +1 though

 

[genkisan]

Just thought I'd give this one a bump fer those who need a good laugh....

 

[NiteTiger]

LMAO

 

[Guest]

dude, where do you come up with all the shit you post?
seems to me, you have way too much time on your hands!

 

[genkisan]

dude, where do you come up with all the shit you post?
seems to me, you have way too much time on your hands!

Actually, I have very very little free time........I have three kids, full time job, wife, Cannabrex, other patent projects, an intentional community I am trying to put together etc etc etc........

Like I posted, my wife and I wrote that one late night, when kids were at the grandparents (if they were at home and asleep, we would have been screwing....gotta use yer time wisely, no?).

I guess I just have braims that never stop chugging along, comin' up with weird ass stuff........one of the side effects of being bi-polar I guess.....

 

[Switchblade]

That was great, I think I'll read it to my kid hehehe

 

[Guest]

sick and twisted

more please...

ws

 

[genkisan]

sick and twisted

more please...

ws

Well, it's haiku, not poetry......but is fun nonetheless.

About 1/2 of them are mine...this is all from a haiku thread on OG.

Food and Drink

Drunkard in a coma
The vomit on the ceiling tells me,
you drank too fucking much


Fetid stink from my ass
Greasy vomit on my chin
Shouldn'ta had that pork


this one-fifty-one
bottle in my hand will be
tomorrow's regret


two all beef patties
special sauce, lettuce and cheese
damn it's a big mac

Rancid pork patty
Sits forgotten in the sun
Aren't we hungry now?

flies and white maggots
are beginning to cover
the rancid pork slice

Spacepork fills my gut
Aliens fed it to me
Fuck I need a Tums

I do not like them
sam i am, I do not like
those green eggs and ham

Horrid nasty stench
Wafts at me from the kitchen
Fuck, liver again

my mom cooks meatloaf
my schools serves us laxatives
shitting out my brains

the bread never fresh
the broccoli dry, yellow
pork products cause puke

Rank fart was too wet
Taco ripped my bowels up
Hafta change my shorts

Strange orange goop
Does not behave like a food
Cheez Whiz is SCARY

I ate too much pork
The pork I ate was rancid
Shit blows out my ass

Slick, glistening pork
Slides wetly down my gullet
AH what a Breakfast

Sex

Scratchy wool chafes at my nutsack.
Alas, I wake with a goat

Yellow pus dripping
From my oozing red cocksore
Guess I need that shot

you may be very quick
can you drive long nails in wood
with only yer cock?

The last time I tried
the wood split in two pieces
before I was done

the iron railroad spike
was easier to drive, but
I bruised my dickhead

Alas Woodfucker
The splintery act of love
Was never to be


woody woodpecker
ha ha ha haha, is that
the woodpecker song?

Fucked the knothole good
Splinters pierced my tender knob
So, I don't fuck wood

When bored yer dorm
Happiness may be found thus:
Grease yer knob and pull

a knot in the wood
epidermis has splinters
hole to small to fit

Oh it hurts to pee
And chicks don't want to fuck me
Think I got the clap

dark tunnel of love
naughty spot fits like a glove
sodomy is nice

she took of her pants
the smell of fish knocked me down
need a douche stank ho

Wakeful children bounce
Sex deprived parents mumble
Morning at my house

Llama-fur coat waits
To be worn on steamy dates
I feel like an ass

Animals

Gelid fat clings
to the cold wet bones.
Time to feed the fucking dogs

Horse dung on my shoe
Rancid pigshit fills my nose
Fuck I hate this farm

My tiny boat sinks
In the shark infested bay
I wish I could swim

to swim with the sharks
because you didn't plug your boat
that's a crying shame

Electric Pigshit
Flying by faster than sound
Would anyone smell it?

dogs just fucked the pope
fear and loathing in las vegas
hunter s. thompson

Work

Prickface boss sucks ass
Coffee tastes like warm goat-piss
Fuck I hate my job

This post thru my head
Keeps me from getting a job
Can no-one help me?

I work for myself
but my boss is still an asshole
I work too damn hard


Drugs and Entertainment

effervescent hit
bubbles travel up my bong
damn that tastes like shit

Long trail of silvery drool
wets resin stained lips
Pot head smoked too much

Psycho tortures hookers
With mutant gay cockroaches
Next on Geraldo

Fanged evil dwarf
Clutching a rutabaga
Datura is bad

Fat smelly person
Sits on our President's face
Film at eleven

Dickheads ripped my crop
Took all my beautiful buds
Fuckers, Kill them all!!!

And finally, Haiku itself

I am trying to
think of something else to write
in the style - haiku...

something sexual
and some coy inuendo
a dirty haiku?

need to stop this now
i cant figure out just how
a haiku addict