Do I need her?

[sbeanonnamellow]

We've been attached at the hip for decades since I was in high school. In college we became inseparable. Since then we've traveled through life together at every function and occasion and I can't help but sit here in this moment and ask myself if it's all been a ruse to numb myself out and just glide through life without really feeling.

Cannabis, weed, herb, you know what I'm talking about. That fuego that always seems to make the day go by chill, no big thing it's all good you feel me. Well, recently life hasn't felt all good and I'm confronted with the fact that I find myself smoking more to ease the pain instead of lean into it and truly have some self discovery.

Does anyone else ever feel like cannabis is both a blessing and a curse?

It helps me be chill and not let little things bug me or upset me, it helps me get through days that might otherwise be difficult or tough, but the more I'm sitting here thinking about it the more I realize that it's become a knee jerk reaction for me to grab the bubbler or roll a spliff whenever something is making me feel a certain type of way instead of processing those emotions in a healthy way.

I never felt like this before but can't stop thinking about how much smoking weed runs my life. It's not a slight on cannabis, I'm fully aware of it's utility but I'm also unable to deny the ways I find myself abusing it to keep myself from sharing my feelings or emotions.

Does anyone else struggle with these types of thoughts?

For the most part, I'm happy with my personality and the way I treat others. When I'm blazed up I'm kind, considerate, forgiving, and all the sort of things you would typically associate with a chill "stoner". Part of me is worried that if I stop smoking I'll turn into a total asshole or turn into someone I don't enjoy being around and that's not an easy thing to admit.

I've never known myself as an adult without being under the influence of cannabis or without cannabis being in my system. I'm afraid I don't even know myself and I never have.

Admittedly, I'm in the midst of some personal and relationship problems. Working on ways to find happieness and truthfully I'm kind of worried I won't be able to find it without cannabis. On the flip side of the coin, I'm worried that I will find a happiness and won't feel like I need the friend that I've known for all these years anymore.

If anyone has gone through something similar or has words of advise or encouragement they're greatly appreciated.

Cannabis has been a significant part of my life for the entirety of my adult life and it's fucking terrifying to think I should seek out experiences that aren't attached at the hip with one of my favorite plants.

Feeling alone and scared, super emotional. The fuck is up with 2020 this year has been a trip so far.

 

[pop_rocks]

a well written post and it sounds like you want help
it would not hurt to take some time away from things and get to know yourself and what really makes you who you are
even if its just a short time off, dont smoke weed and go do something fun;(insert fun activity here) im sure you will find you can enjoy life in all states of mind and weed is just another color on your canvas
live you life man and be happy
i feel like weed to me is more than just a friend, its like family
no matter what, it will always be part of me

 

[Hermanthegerman]

In dose facit venenum

and an arabic saying says,:

a little bit hash warms you up, to much is burning you down

less is more

and so on?

 

[Chevy cHaze]

Oh man you're bringing something up here...
If you have that feeling, put out the joint, get up and get your life back on track.
I urge you not to give in and glide on when you feel something is wrong.
Cannabis is also a teacher and it will make you sense if something in your life is off.
Don't smoke more to numb yourself out.

Go and repair it.
Then you can go back and smoke again.
If you don't, it will become more intense to a point where cannabis will no longer be a pleasure and beautiful addition to your life, but when it will start making you extremely uncomfortable, as there is, as previously mentioned, something off in your life.
Sounds harsh, don't take it the wrong way.

All the best,
CC

 

[D. B. Doober]

I like life with marijuana better

 

[sbeanonnamellow]

a well written post and it sounds like you want help
it would not hurt to take some time away from things and get to know yourself and what really makes you who you are
even if its just a short time off, dont smoke weed and go do something fun;(insert fun activity here) im sure you will find you can enjoy life in all states of mind and weed is just another color on your canvas
live you life man and be happy
i feel like weed to me is more than just a friend, its like family
no matter what, it will always be part of me

Thanks for the kind heartfelt words. I feel like cannabis is like family too, and to think I'm turning my back on family isn't easy.

I've taken a few days off for the first time in my adult life and taking some time to get to know myself. If anything, it's the first tolerance break I've had since I started smoking weed. Cannabis is family for me too which made my decision to take a break that much more difficult. I felt like I was betraying by best friend or a part of my family. A part of me...

It's interesting to note that I'm not having intense cravings or withdrawls like I thought I would. I do find myself noticing the habits though, like getting home from driving in traffic and immediately packing a bowl or before/after eating packing a bowl. Before leaving the house packing a bowl and rolling a joint, ect.

The strength from observing my willpower is powerful, but I'm definetly looking forward to indulging again. It's a part of me, but I want to find the shared relationship that I used to have when it wasn't being used as a way to "not feel", if that makes any sense. There are some things in my life that need my attention in terms if interpersonal growth and allowing myself to be vulnerable with others.

I've lost my way a little and I'm finding it again. Your message resonated with me and I appreciate you for sharing. Hope you are having a great day or night wherever you are.

So far 3 days without cannabis! Originally thought to myself see how it's like after a month, but I'll be happy if I can make it a week. As the days go by, I'm noticing I'm doing it more for my sense of "can I do it" rather than "I should do it". A kind of willpower mind over matter thing.

I used to be terrified of going on trips, being away from easily accessable high grade cannabis. If going somewhere else, it's always, gotta score some dank or I'll be miserable but now I'm seeing that it's not the case at all. That in of itself is HUGE for me.

To feel in control of my life in a way I never felt before, and to be able to come back to cannabis from a healthy perspective and point of view is an incredible feeling. Originally thought I'd go for a month, but now I'm thinking a week will be just as good too. Thanks for being you!

 

[sbeanonnamellow]

In dose facit venenum

and an arabic saying says,:

a little bit hash warms you up, to much is burning you down

less is more

and so on?

I know you! Well, not personally, but you're the pizza man! The munchie mansion, all the delicious food pics!

The quote you shared will be remembered. I dig it!

Time to bust out the bubble bags when this sabbatical is over and make a nice treat. You're awesome, thank you for sharing and lending a listening ear along with the wise words. Hope you are having a lovely day or night wherever you are!

 

[sbeanonnamellow]

Oh man you're bringing something up here...
If you have that feeling, put out the joint, get up and get your life back on track.
I urge you not to give in and glide on when you feel something is wrong.
Cannabis is also a teacher and it will make you sense if something in your life is off.
Don't smoke more to numb yourself out.

Go and repair it.
Then you can go back and smoke again.
If you don't, it will become more intense to a point where cannabis will no longer be a pleasure and beautiful addition to your life, but when it will start making you extremely uncomfortable, as there is, as previously mentioned, something off in your life.
Sounds harsh, don't take it the wrong way.

All the best,
CC

You're so right, she is a teacher indeed. My eyes welling up reading your reply. It's touching to feel seen and heard. I appreciate you for the healthy encouragement.

I'm a few days without smoking and working on myself in ways I've neglected pretty much my entire life. It's harsh, but it's also kindness in your message. I'm picking up what you're putting down and it's impacting my spirit. Much love! I hope your day or night is treating you well!

 

[sbeanonnamellow]

I like life with marijuana better

I feel you.

I've never really known a life without cannabis and felt I owed myself the lense to see what it's actually like. So far, I don't feel like I'm missing out but I'm missing the ritual and taste of good weed for sure. It will be interesting to see what I feel and think next time I pack a bowl of something special or roll a blunt of my favorite buds.

Will update when that happens

 

[aridbud]

Oh man you're bringing something up here...
If you have that feeling, put out the joint, get up and get your life back on track.
I urge you not to give in and glide on when you feel something is wrong.
Cannabis is also a teacher and it will make you sense if something in your life is off.
Don't smoke more to numb yourself out.

Go and repair it.
Then you can go back and smoke again.
If you don't, it will become more intense to a point where cannabis will no longer be a pleasure and beautiful addition to your life, but when it will start making you extremely uncomfortable, as there is, as previously mentioned, something off in your life.
Sounds harsh, don't take it the wrong way.

All the best,
CC

Admittedly, I've not been a daily smoker since late 20's -early 40's. Before it was fun if you had it, fun if you didn't.

Due to jobs, health and Rx, other episodes in Life, I had to abstain. I like it socially, maybe 1-2 times a week. Then weeks roll by. However, after the abstinence, the feeling of stones/high is more for medicinal use. Granted, I love being elevated.

Perhaps take a break for a week, if you can, and see how you feel emotionally and physically. I don't believe cannabis is physically dependent, but could be seen as a coping mechanism or crutch.

I agree with pop_rocks. Sage advice! Chevy made some good points, too.

 

[flylowgethigh]

I quit a pretty serious beer habit/addiction last Nov. Still heavily medicate on weed (vape and edibles), but am getting a lot more done this year. Not getting high might increase that productivity, but so would throwing away this laptop. Should I quit pot also, and see if I like being completely sober?

Nah, I am happy getting comfortably numb, OK being in this state of mind. Besides, winter is coming.

 

[armedoldhippy]

I quit a pretty serious beer habit/addiction..... Should I quit pot also, and see if I like being completely sober?

dude, don't be a quitter. no one likes a quitter...

 

[flylowgethigh]

Like I said... Nah! I am hitting the vape, then going outside and play on my old CAT 963 loader. Ima rednecking on the thing like it was a dozer, working the edges of a pond.

 

[Veggia farmer]

No! You dont need her, you like her No women likes a needy guy too! Lol!

But seriously many good advices here already. I often take a little break if I have to much to deal with at moment.

Read in a book once. If you smoke once in awhile it easily gives you an lifted mood. But if smoke more often it becomes these tool for makings us more sensitive. So if thats true and you smoke and it get you down, you might have some unsorted issues.

Im at a small break my self for the same reason.

Cannabis lowers dopamine levels and make it ok too. So on friday if the job is not finished and you smoke you would not be so easily hung up that its not done. BUT the job is still not done. Ying and yang. Sometimes we really need the job done. Im there, I need the job to be done

 

[Carraxe]

No, you don't need it. You are probably just used to. I quit some months a year and it gives me a different and nice vision of life and reality. Very recommendable



I wrote that some time ago. I just stopped again some days ago and I'm happy with that
https://www.icmag.com/ic/showthread.php?threadid=360522


Enjoy life

 

[GMT]

No ones warned him yet? Watch out for the dreams/nightmares you're about to start getting. Seriously, most seem to get a month or so of them when taking time off. Can be horrific.

 

[Chevy cHaze]

Oh yes! And the shakes too! And then hallucinations and shit.
Hahaha

 

[Veggia farmer]

No ones warned him yet? Watch out for the dreams/nightmares you're about to start getting. Seriously, most seem to get a month or so of them when taking time off. Can be horrific.

Are you kidding with me!?! Last night I had some dreams going here and there, suddenly Im in the bed… Mouths open.. ALARM CLOCK!

 

[GMT]

I guess its not such a big deal with part timers or newbies.

 

[sbeanonnamellow]

GMT you bring up a good point. When I was a kid I used to get night terrors, that was the technical name I guess. I've always had quite vivid dreams, and could wake up and go back to sleep and re-enter them.

Since smoking weed, and I know everyones different with their biochemistry, I very rarely dream. Only a handful of times that I could remember and even then, just vaguely.

Probably time for a little update, I ended up toking on the 7th day. So almost a week. It didn't feel rushed I woke up in a really good place. Feeling much better except one thing now, I want to dream again!

Thinking of starting a "dream break" instead of a tolerence break. Guess we'll see how that goes. Still have a nice tasty bowl in the bub. I appreciate all the replies.

I really enjoyed reading your post Carraxe. Much love thank you for sharing that and all the commenters in that post too. Hope you are all having a really awesome day or night wherever you are.