Disillusioned and depressed about life in USA

[2broke2smoke]

As I approach my 44th b-day (tomorrow), I realize that I will never attain the aspirations of my youth. In all honesty this is quite depressing, especially due to the fact that the only reason I will not attain my dreams, is due to an indiscretion of youth. I find that all I want now is to be left alone, but alas, that appears to be a pipe dream. The country of my birth has become a place that seems hellbent on persecuting me for past transgressions.

I guess I should explain how I got to where I am today. I had a very abusive childhood, and at age 12 I decided if I were to live I would have to leave my home. I ended up hitchhiking down 40 west with no real idea where I was going, but sure it was better than where I was. This was the start my accumulation of bad karma.

Having no means of support, I found myself in Sante Fe, dealing drugs for some older Mexican gangsters. Violence was a way of life, and at that time I believed that he who was able to exert his will onto others was top dog. I knew right from wrong, but I justified my actions by telling myself that it was for survival. I went from drug dealing to gun running and the violence escalated. Many of my so called friends died, I thought thought they were either unlucky or stupid. This was social Darwinism and I was going to survive at all costs. I slept with a gun ,and I was a loose cannon. One night while waiting for a gun deal to go down a drunk bystander started some shit with me and I stepped over the line and beat him profusely. I subsequently was arrested and eventually convicted of assault with intent to great bodily harm less than murder.

That was 24 years ago. I am still paying for that today. I have picked up 2 other felonies since then, that If not for that first felony would have been misdemeanors, i.e. malicious destruction of property over $100, and drunk driving 3rd offense. I have most recently been placed on probation for driving while license suspended.

I am to the point where I would love to leave this country and start fresh. One thing my incarceration did for me was to give me a college education. I learned that I did not have to resort to violence to get ahead. In theory anyway, having had a violent criminal conviction pretty much bars a person from meaningful employment in the good old USA. Liberals talk the talk but do not walk the walk, and conservatives tell you outright you are screwed, so self employment becomes the only option.

Now I am curious, what country can an ex-con migrate to, to just be left alone. I do not need to make lots of money, just enough for myself and my wife to live comfortably. It is a sad thing to realize that the country you call home is more concerned about past bad acts, then about the skills you have to offer society since paying your debt to society.

It comes to a point where you just say why do I go on? Will tomorrow be any better than today? Honestly, the only reason I do not eat a bullet is because it would not be fair to my wife, not that this life is fair to her, but she says she is okay with it. The united States of America is not the land of the free, it is the land of until we can legislate it away through fear mongering.

Anybody with any suggestions on a country that can see past a persons youthful mistakes and would allow a person to be a productive member of society, would be most welcome.

2b2s

 

[Gypsy Nirvana]

.....Where there is a will.....there is always a way man.....Keep looking on the brightside...Many of us have had a checkered past and have made mistakes that seem to hang around our necks like the proverbial albatross in 'The Ancient Mariner'......

..The world is a huge place and if you seek you may find peace in some foreign land amongst like minded spirits.....But without putting yourself out there with your thumb out on the on-ramp of the freeway of possibilities you will never know......

Any place can be a good place for you outside of the worn and trodden zone that you have inhabited for the past 44 years.......you just have to go there to know if it is really for you...

.....The main thing is to 'Keep your chin up'.......and retain a positive mental outlook....

 

[ChaoticEntity]

sorry to come off harsh but it sounds like running away, simply put thats not the way to live life. Find some meaning in life, in what you do with your time, go volunteer, talk to kids and tell them your story help them keep on a good path. Realize your past actions follow you and are a part of who you are, but also realize that your experiences give you a unique perspective, a lens that you see the world through. Those experiences can help others.

Quit thinking life is negative, life is simply what you make of the hand delt to you, you can be positive and happy, you can have a worthwhile existance but you have to make it worthwhile, it's a goal to strive for.

I also grew up in an abusive household that left me with profound psychlogical(and physical) scars that still exist, I got a job I travelled the world and met my wife in greece, in a couple of days we celebrate 4 years together. I also go to college however I can manage, at first it was a local community college because that's all I could afford. I work full time and am a full time student, I bust my ass to overcome those scars and to push forward and get beyond them, I strive to be a better person each and every day(some days are better than others).

Try and find some meaning, find something to do that helps satisfy the soul and you will be content no matter where you decided to physically live. Many people find some meaning in the future, in making the world a better place. If you don't like how ex-cons are treated then do something about it, there's a ton of halfway houses that could always use volunteers to teach these people how to live in the real world.

I sincerely hope for the best for you, I hope you find some peace.

 

[treble]

yeah mistakes are a problem BUT.... see how big that was... that but.... all it really does is CHANGE your options. This is the way I figure it. My indescresions are not as severe so I admit to having limitted experience but second chances are there if we can keep an eye out and recognise them for what they are.... ok enuff of the phsycoanalysis.....

you have already worked out the options thing.... and that working for yourself can be a way to "lower your profile" if you like to think of it as that. It puts you out of "their" radar range so they can't affect you with all their crap.

I often wondered that about society. It only works if people play by the rules....those being the laws we have... but I often see people on the news and so on... you know the ones... who get harrassed and chased by the "media" and exposed as cheats or what ever....but who I realise are really just operating outside the system....

If I don't have a lisence (??) they can get me for driving without one, but they can't take one away from me. If I get back in my car again, what they gonna do? Get me again? Sure... but they can't take away my license. Where I am from we have people who have been suspended for 10 or more years, get done every year or so and still drive....the police and courts can't stop them because they are outside the system now... its how you play the game...let them keep the score... you just get out there and score some points for yourself...

As for a new beginging....many countries will do a check and many won't let you in. A record with things like DUI don't mean anything here so they will look at the more serious things and then look back at how old it is, etc.

Can I Ask this: Do you guys over there get the ability to purge your record after some number of years for minor stuff. Eg. Assault would be purged after say 7 years from completion of sentence. Murder or Attempted murder would never be purged.

I would try looking at Canada obviously cause its closer and perhaps New Zealand or Australia. If you wanted to go to Australia but couldn't get in you could try New Zealand and then after a while you can just move to Australia. It is especially easy if you are an New Zealand citizen. I have heard refugees use this path to get to Australia as they have pretty nasty refugee laws down there. I heard they jail everyone who shows up as a refugee.

And finally what about this idea... Your a hard working stiff getting a tough deal because of your past which you did your punishment for. Working for yourself is an option. What about doing that and then when things go well for you because of all of your hard work... your hard work... you can reach out to others who are walking the same path and having the same brick walls put in their way?

I remember a line for Gone in 60 Seconds where the old mentor looks around his workshop at the young guys working for him and declares "I'm all about second chances these days".

take care.... some positive karma's coming your way...no doubt
treb

 

[2broke2smoke]

I appreciate all of your responses to this thread. Gypsy, the world is a big place as you have said, the thing I need to do is find out whaqt countries afre going to deny me entry as I am considered a voilent felon (that I have not committed a violent act in 20 years not withstanding) and this is a problem just trying to go to Windsor for my Observed motorcycle trials events. Like you said where there is a will there is a way. Look at my neighbor to the south, big fences do not seem to stem the tide, thanks for your input.

Chaotic how long must a person continue to eat shit sandwiches before they are alowed to drink some water? Call it running away if you like, but until you have walked in my shoes... I have a BA in Business where I carried a 3.97 accumulated GPA. That degree is as worthless as the paper it is written on. I did 4 years for Assualt with intent, then 2 years later I did a flat 5 for breaking 2 windows, my last ouil 5 years ago they were trying to give me 15 years to life. Mind you that I have never caused an accident while I was drinking, I get pulled over for speeding. If i get one more Felony case I will do LIFE as a 4th felony habitual offender. currently my state is trying to enact legislation to turn a second offence driving without a license into a felony instead of the current third offence. I just got one of those tickets and am subjuct to the courts whims under the probation department. It is unfortunate that I need to drive to survive, as this puts me outside of the ignorant laws of a mindless public, unless that is the idea, to not allow me to survive. I think 15 years of this struggle is just about enough. You prolly have stronger constitutional fortitude than I do, cause I am fed up. I have been watching civil liberties erode for 25 years now, and frankly am tired of it. thanks for your reply.

Treble i believe that a person can get some offences expunged after a very lengthy period of no trouble of any sort. The problem is that the prosecutors trump up charges to get a plea, in my case I would plea out to anything to avoid a LIFE sentence, and they know this.

So what it all comes down to is that my country is becoming to facist for me to continue to live here much longer. The people of my country do not seem to want me here anyway, unless they can keep me in a cage, which does not really work for me. So I am a man looking for a new country. A stranger in a strange land. And the research begins.

2b2s

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

Best of luck to you bro. Congratulations on your outstanding BA though. If leaving the country does not work out for you perhaps starting your own business would be the next best thing. You've got the business part down, you just need some sort of trade to go into. That's just my two cents.

You seem very intelligent and truly sorry for what you have done in your past. Perhaps if you explained your situation to the right people as you have done for us they will hire you. Good luck either way

 

[guineapig]

2broke keep your head held high, bro!!! We are only on this planet for a very short time so we might as well figure out what our dreams are and how we can achieve them.....

I admire Gypsy for achieving his dreams......he envisioned the Seed Boutique and now it is there in Amsterdam!!! All you have to do is define your dream and then go out and do it......if this involves moving to another country then so be it.....but do not let your past hold you back, bro, no matter what!!!

Remember, head held high!!!!

kind regards from a guineapig

 

[IdntknowMarlbro]

Its not running away in my mind at all. Its acutally quite sad how a country founded on ideas of freedom, would be a place to escape from?
these laws create outkast to society, unfortuntly we are outkast because we are considered "criminals".

you have a BA in business which is nice if you wanted to start up a business or something. I would say first try to make something happen but it takes resources but you can do anything.

If not moving would be nice. i would find out the requirments for as many countries as possible then narrow it down and then find out more about the countries and the pros and cons to find out if you can find a better living situtation.

best of luck fellow "criminal"

 

[2broke2smoke]

thanks for the replies guys.

I guess I failed to mention that I have been in business for the last 6 years, unfortunately this has been a very bad year as the economy in my state is one of the worst in the nation. It is primarily automotive driven and when plants are shutting down, nobody wants to build a new home or make vast improvements on the one they have. This is a twofold problem, as the economy gets worse the legislature gets more restrictive. I assume to boost the prision economy. a government make work project of sorts.

2b2s

 

[Pops]

2broke, one of the problems of trying to emigrate to another country is that many ask you on your visa application if you have a criminal record, esp. if you plan on staying there and working. Countries like New Zealand will only take people who have skills or trades that they desire. Do a lot of research and try to find a country that might overlook your past. You might consider moving to another state where the law is not quite as harsh, Good luck.

 

[Gypsy Nirvana]

Ever since I was a kid I have found that the grass can be greener on the other side......

....You set up camp somewhere and all is good......then the rot sets in......Maybe the town's people start getting pissed off at you because you are camped on common ground and they want to own that land and you and get you to pay in some way for merely exhisting as you are?.......Maybe they don't like your dog's or the shape of your caravan?......Maybe they don't like the way you look at or live your life or the way you look at their sisters/girl-friends?.......so they get nasty.....

Whatever it is they don't like about you it causes them to want to vent some sort of agressive act against you that you can either defend yourself from and bear the slings and arrows of being besieged.....or you can quietly leave in the night for fresher and greener pastures in peace.......

...Borders and immigration restrictions have never been more than a small problem to solve for most all that are determined to get someplace..........as my Mum always says 'Where there is a will, there is always a way'.....

...For thousands of years countless populations of people have led a nomadic life because they all have the capability to just move on a find what is over the next hill......this will give you a much better perspective upon your situation for when you look at the old situation from your new en-campment those past problems will seem relatively inconsequential........

....In my 46 years I have travelled to 52 countries and lived and loved in most of them.....99.9% of all the people I have met have a good heart but most are chained to a life that they would rather not have because they lack the confidence to just leave when the rot sets in.....

....It's not running away from problems.......what it is is knowing when to make a stand and knowing when to move on..........He who turns and walks away........learns to live another day.......

 

[treble]

all good and wise thoughts I think. Its always your call when you get down to it, some people take it, some people don't.

2Broke, you are right...there is a very porous border down south. I think things go both ways very easily. from there who know's? further south or west? Asia? Thailand or Indonesia. some trades are in short supply all through that region tho farangs don't do a lot of trades in asia. plenty of locals for that.... anglo countries best for trades

suppose a happy birthday is in order too. Hope its a good one for you
treb

 

[supermanlives]

damn man. your story sounds quite familiar. go back to dealing and save up some cash. the weeds worth way more than your younger days then you will be accepted just about anywhere.hispanic areas tolorate records more unlike our canadian friends. mexico and south would be my guess.in the usa the less populated areas are your best bet.till then keep you head low and find a place with lots of land and no nosy asshole neighbors. if you ever find your safe happy spot send me a pm i promise not to tell anyone. good luck

 

[Guest]

This is funny because I was just thinking about finding a place in canada and montreal and toronto are two choices I have in mind.

I went to a site called webehigh and they stated that these two places are lovely for us cannabis cultured people.

Also, being that you have a business, you might have a easier time to get in as compared to someone who doesn't and has a record. Just make it known you want to make a fresh start and are willing to help the country with finances. The more business a country can get the better they are.

If that doesn't work you can still try to get over by just finding an open part of the border and cross the line. The american canadian border is WIDE OPEN, you just have to know where to cross without problems and I think anywhere that isn't connected to a major city is your best option.

Here is some videos on montreal:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlZytMWEg9c&NR
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI5d1slpYSo&NR


Here is toronto:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL0HEIa8-eM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPLWHrp4arc

Here is the webehigh montreal site:
http://www.webehigh.com/city/detail.php?CITYID=Montreal

Here is webehigh toronto:
http://www.webehigh.com/city/detail.php?CITYID=Toronto

 

[Guest]

2Broketo2Smoke,

Man, I've felt the same way for a long time. I'm 35 and comin' pretty much to the same conclusion. What happened to my hopes and dreams? Dashed to pieces on the rocks of reality.Right now brother, I'm poor and unemployed, never in all the years I've been alive did I ever think my life would come to this. The economy where I live is REALLY bad, I've been searchin' for a job for 3 monthes now ..and can't even get a call back.I have a good work record and I was a graduate of a trade school and still it seems to mean nothing. As far as this country goes , as Hunter Thompson said"The great American century is dead and gone" and I believe him. If I could move to another country that was safe and where I could get a decent job, I'de do it in a hot second.America holds nothing for me anymore , just a fleeting hope that I will still be here 5 years from now. Yes my friend, the state of things are very sad indeed.

 

[2broke2smoke]

Hey Gypsy, it is true where there is a will there is a way. I am no stranger to illegal border crossings, though I admit it has been many years since the need to enter a country undetected.

Treble thanks for the happy B-Day wish. I have seriously considered the neighbor to my south, the only problem there is what to do to make a living. They are tightening up their, how shall we say, level of corruption due to the implimentation of NAFTA. This is not an insurmountable obstacle, but it is an obstacle none the less. Ironic that I should be considering illegally entering Mexico when so many Mexicans are entering USA illegally.

superman, I am truely trying to be a good citizen, the type of dealing I was doing as a kid with nothing to lose is really not in the cards for me today. I am not the same cold hearted individual I was in my 20's. Back then I did not believe I had anything to lose. I was uneducated, the product of a survival of the fittest street mentality. I now have an education and ppl that care about me and I care about. This changes the equation on what I am willing to do. One more Felony and I am looking at life on the Habitual offender laws.

Lotty Canada is prolly a good choice, but if I am going to make a break with the USA I am thinking someplace a bit warmer.

Withcking, all I can say is I feel ya.

2b2s

 

[Guest]

2Broketo2Smoke,

Man, I've felt the same way for a long time. I'm 35 and comin' pretty much to the same conclusion. What happened to my hopes and dreams? Dashed to pieces on the rocks of reality.Right now brother, I'm poor and unemployed, never in all the years I've been alive did I ever think my life would come to this. The economy where I live is REALLY bad, I've been searchin' for a job for 3 monthes now ..and can't even get a call back.I have a good work record and I was a graduate of a trade school and still it seems to mean nothing. As far as this country goes , as Hunter Thompson said"The great American century is dead and gone" and I believe him. If I could move to another country that was safe and where I could get a decent job, I'de do it in a hot second.America holds nothing for me anymore , just a fleeting hope that I will still be here 5 years from now. Yes my friend, the state of things are very sad indeed.

you are living my life brother.

 

[2broke2smoke]

Moose eater, I do not believe that I can get an expungment as I have not been able to stay out of the radar long enough to be eligible. I believe you need to be a min 10 years with NO convictions whatsoever to become eligible. Man, as hard as I try in the end I am a bootlegger at heart, and that bites me in the ass every time.

2b2s

 

[TORC]

Witchking, we must be sharing life via some form of deja vu. 2broke, ifeel you brother. You know, more and more I am coming to the conclusion that, as the old adage goes, "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do". You do what you have to man, whatever it takes to ease your mind, body, and soul. It is not running away, simply starting over. Boy, I am glad(and sad) that I am not the only one who feels trapped and up-in-arms, makes me feel a lttle less alone, ya know. peace guys

 

[2broke2smoke]

Hey Moose,

My last Felony was about 5 years ago for ouil, hence I quit drinking, but I have recently been busted due to the assinine seat belt law, which i might add I was not violating. My cube van does not have the tell tale shoulder harness and I went through one of these seatbelt checkpoints and next thiong you know I am being pulled over. Not having a license I was screwed, even though I was in conformity with the law they thought I broke. Now I have to report to a probation agent and submit urine if they so desire. I am not able to pull up and go anywhere at this juncture due to the current probation status.

2b2s