Cruel Practical Jokes!!!

[Guest]

This is what i've heard recently from the guy speaking to his buddy:
- ''If your respiratory system is as good as you brag about, then will my dick get erected if you blow into my ass?''...

 

[Mrs.Babba]

This thread is cruel and funny at the same time...I could never think of those things to do to ppl, you guys are all fookin crazy!!! jk

 

[Dan42nepa]

Once my buddies and I threw a party at a house we all shared. This horribly obese ugly girl passed out in one of the beds.. My friend was being very obnoxious all night and he ended up passing out next to her in bed. My friend and I pulled his pants down around his ankles so he would think he had sex with her when he woke up... He still doesnt know.. 20 years later.

 

[Guest]

POPS, nice 1!

How about this? : Before bed one night, I took a toothpaste tube, squirted some out, and refilled with Orajel. My uncle brushed his teeth, and 10 minutes later was running around the house afraid for his life, WHY WAS HIS ENTIRE MOUTH NUMB! And to hear him talking, and panicking at the same time, b/c he couldn't hardly talk with his mouth numb, not making clear words or sounds at all, was HILARIOUS! I told him what I had done, as soon as I could quit laughing, about 15 minutes later.

HAHAHAHA i laughed so hard when i read this man! Funny shit! I remember in middle school some kid dared this other kid to squeeze the whole tube in his mouth...well he did and oh my god it was funny, he could not talk and was freaking out and drueling like mad and had his tonuge hanging out of his mouth! Shits funny man! hahaha peacee

 

[daisy jane]

My favorite thing to do is very simple, and slightly dangerous to my physical health.

I like to sneak up quietly behind my mom or Wolf, and jab them in the ribs while hollering something startling & annoying, generally a noise like, "AIIIIAAAIIIIII!" before running like there's no tomorrow.

I do the same thing to Tarkus. Except I tend to karate chop him. I usually can't run very far before he gets me back.

 

[Guest]

I have plenty. One of my favorites is cellophane on the toilet seat!

 

[Pops]

My great-aunt Verda(now 93) is a little more weird than the rest of my family, which is saying a lot, since we are all a little strange. My step-dad taught her to use fiberglass(casting) resin to make ashtrays and stuff. She used it to make a toilet seat with a twist. Being a hardy, pioneer woman from Oregon, she went out and killed a 16" rattler. She then put it in the mold and poured the resin in. People who use her toilet may void their bowels a little earlier than they want when they lift the lid of her toilet.

 

[Verite]

In the good old days of leaded engines the gas tank intakes were big enough to drop in ping pong balls. Poke a couple holes in em and they would slowly fill with gas and eventually get drawn towards the fuel line where the suction would kill the gas flow and the engine would die. Once stopped the ball would move away and let them start the engine again. Repeats until the gas fully melts the plastic to goo.

 

[fr33th3w33d]

icy hot on the toilet seat.

nuff said.

 

[Guest]

i got a dick move for ya's.
take axle grease, or i use noalox, and smear some on the underside of someones windshield wiperblades.
when it rains and they turn em on, smears grease all over the windshield.
for the record, noalox is an antioxidant that is required on aluminum wires.
i know this could wind up being very bad if theres a nasty t-storm.
but hey, i never claimed to not be an asshole

 

[HuffAndPuff]

Oh man, good thread! I, too, am guilty of terrorizing my mother. She always has the last laugh, though. I jumped out at her in an airport parking lot after running ahead onetime. Kicked me right in the ass with cowboy boots on, before she knew it was me. I had a triangular bruise for like 2 weeks.

You know those fake arms? Look totally real, made out of a solid rubber? Pulled the "fell off my skateboard, and now my arm is dislocated" trick on her. Man, she realized I was faking it, and she snatched that thing off and slapped me in the head with it.

Pops and I told my brother we had another brother, who was really bad and we had to keep him chained in the attic. Then I'd get up there, and stomp around above his bedroom.

One time, at college, I put gelatin in the toilets. I was kind enough not to do it on a weekend, and to do it to the girls' toilets.

Got my buddy this weekend when we were drunk. him: "is this sauce hot?" me: "nah, like a bit more than tabasco sauce" him: "then why's it got a skull and crossbones on it, and why's it called mega-death?" Me: "It's just an advertising gimmick, go for it" Man, I thought he was gonna have a heart attack!

A kid in school used to steal shit from my lunch everyday. Till my dad taught me about chocolate flavored ex-lax and how to rub off the little 'ex-lax' imprint- making them appear like mini chocolate bits. This kid literally pooped in his frigging pants. And NEVER stole my snack-packs again!

Used to "penny" doors at camp. On a door where you have access between the frame and door, you fit in as many stacked pennies as you can, hammering them in with the sole of a shoe or whatever. Results in the person being trapped inside. Total fire hazard, though.

Boullion cubes inside the football teams' locker room's shower heads. Made it rain soup. It was a 1-2 punch, because the idea was get em so mad about that, they wouldn't notice the Icy Hot in their jocks. Mission accomplished. A spy on the team said kids were putting their junk in the sinks cuz of the soup water showers. Until they realized that made it worse! Fucking meatsticks....

Called my highschool's office several times, in a VERY effeminate voice, asking to speak with "my old buddy ----- ------" who was a teacher of mine. I did it when I knew hed be out at lunch, and when the secretary asked to take a message, I'd then proceed to give her WAYYYYY too much info about my latest herpes test results etc. and would she have him call me right away so I could tell him this myself. Kids aren't the only ones gossiping lemme tell you! I went into the office like 2 minutes later and the secretary is telling everyone there! LMFAO just remembering all of these things.

Used to leave an open can of tuna in rarely used school supply closets, and cardboard milk containers on ceiling tiles (those white square thingies). Leave the milk opens, it spoils and smells. Sherlock will go looking for smell. Usually, when he moves tiles to look for offending odor, he dislodges the container and spills it right onto his own head.

The worst thing I ever did though, I still feel bad about. We were at a Pearl Jam show (same from another post) and one of my buddies was very drunk. they had cut him off drunk. So I guess he had borrowed a cell fone from some random, and wound up walking off with it. Now my buddy is not a thief at all. he was just wasted and didnt realize until we were all in the car that he still had the fone.

So I take the thing, look up MOM in the phonebook, and dial it. I then proceeded to imitate this ladies kid, who I had never met. It is easy when you act frantic and tell her you got arrested. BECAUSE YOU ARE TRIPPING OUT OF CONTROL ON ACID. Another buddy takes the phone and lays on a real thick Irish accent (boston cop i guess?) "you'd bettar come en git yoor kid, ees fooked right out of is bleedin mind. ees makin all sorts of racket, en im afreed will ave to ave im put in ospital if ee dudnt cut the durn malarkey!"

She was losing it and said she was going to come right away. I felt so so bad I called her back like 5 minutes later to tell her the truth and apologize. When she thanked me for calling her and telling her the truth, she had been so worried...well, it was enough to make it slightly less funny to me. Let alone how badly I was berated for 'being soft'. whatever. I have a mom, and although I have no qualms with fucking with her, there's always a line.

Believe them or not, I was raised on practical jokes, and I come from a long line of wise-asses. These stories are 100% true

HAP

 

[HuffAndPuff]

Another good one for the upcoming summer season that I forgot. Scrape someone's surfboard of all wax (hot sun+credit card) and re-'wax' it with a bar of Ivory soap. I try to do this to my brother at least once a year.

HAP

 

[Guest]

Laxative chocolate pranks kick ass!

Nothin like the look of the surprise fart!
J.

 

[marx2k]

Its only better when its a shitfart

 

[HuffAndPuff]

Marx, haven't you heard? that's called sharting! as popularized by phillip seymore hoffman in the movie 'along came polly'. "We have to go dude. Emergency. I just sharted." "What? Sharted?" "I went to fart, and a little bit of shit came out." He was so funny in that movie, and PRICELESS in Lebowski, but he wins an oscar for fucking CAPOTE?!??! laaaaaaaaaaame.

I remembered another good one me and my neighbor used to pull in the winter. We HATED some other neighbors in our development, and did all kinds of shit to them. My favorite was when it got really cold in the winter, we'd fill up 5 gallon buckets with water over and over again, and pour them down their VERY STEEP driveway while they were working/kids at sports.

They'd come home after work/tetherball, exhausted, and not be able to get up the frigging driveway. One time the mom is screaming into the night, making the kids push. Me and my buddy were hiding in the woods, in snowpants, freezing our asses off for like an hour waiting for them to come home. Musta got dinner or something. So worth the frostnipped asscheeks. I thought she was gonna stroke out for a minute, there.

 

[Jerry Maine]

My mum has an intercom on the front gate to the house. Twice when visiting her I've caught her out by politely introducing myself as sergeant ie. Johnson from the local police station, and asking if, well, myself, Jerry Maine, is home. Both times she politely informed me that I wasn't home but hurriedly came to the door to let me in, only to realise.....

My brother is more of a joker than I am. One of the funniest things he did was, while working on a car of a longtime client/friend, he rewired the horn to the brake peddle. Sure enough, the guy puts the car in reverse, drops it in first, slowly rolls to the gate and, with no traffic coming pulls out and heads down the road, all without using the brake, no doubt with his arm hanging out the window and a smoke hanging from his mouth as is usual. Got to about 50km/h before the road terminates and.....

HHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!

Our entire workshop just burst into laughter. Another time he replaced the inidicator clicking mechanism of another friend/clients car with one that played an Elvis' "love me tender" jingle.

But his favorite, which he would pull on someone every year or so, was wiping some filthy bearing grease or blue gasket sealant on the edges of someonws work goggles. In most cases the victim wouldn't notice, and would be sent to the shops that day pick up everyones lunches, invariably giving the ladies at the lunchbar their laugh for the day.

Jerry

 

[TheBigGreen1]

This is more subversive than a prctical joke. I am a nice guy. I go out of my way to be nice and polite to everyone, because I don't want trouble. There is one thing I cannot stand in this world. People who ask for my identification. They are are usually authority or on some kind of power trip. This one is good especially if you hate cops. I like to take my drivers license and after a really hot and humid day after you take your "morning constitutional" and stick your I.D. between your asscheeks and drive to work or drive home. Leave it in there for a while so it gets nice and ripe. Your wallet might smell a little funny but its close to your ass (And smells the same. No one should should be digging around in either one except you!) The next time you get a ticket or have to deal wit the po-po you will pay for it, but get the sweet satisfaction of knowing they paid for it too! Let that run thru your mind a lil bit all you pigs that lurk on this site! I will gladly hand you my license and registration with a smile on my face!

 

[Verite]

Mmmmmm butt cheese.. you write checks with that id too?