Trees McGee
Member
RED145 said:
Wow, thank you.
tmcg
-
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Chuckles for the day.
- Thread starter RockyMountainHi
- Start date
Wow, thank you.
tmcg
-ShutterBug-
Member
Valentine Day Theme!
Valentine Day Theme!
Student of Psychology
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean? $300?"
Valentine Day Theme!
Student of Psychology
A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine's Day night and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally, the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean? $300?"
-ShutterBug-
Member
THIS JUST IN:
The pentagon has come up with THE solution to the mess in Iraq .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Pentagon Announcement
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of
a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the
United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) .
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, North Caroina, and Texas boys will be
dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the
following facts about terrorists :
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don 't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday .
The pentagon has come up with THE solution to the mess in Iraq .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Pentagon Announcement
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of
a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the
United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) .
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, West Virginia, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee, North Caroina, and Texas boys will be
dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the
following facts about terrorists :
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don 't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday .
Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most
of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day.
Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore
tonight Paddy."
Paddy replies, "Okay Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls
flat on his face.
"Shoot," he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,
"Damn!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he
can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door
frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh
air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls
flat on his face.
"Bi' Criminy... I'm really drunk," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies
inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, "No way".
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I
can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls
fl at on his face.
He says, "Damn it", and crawls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room
carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Wake up Paddy. Did you have a bit
to drink last night?".
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I drank way too much. But how'd you know?"
"Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub."
of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day.
Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore
tonight Paddy."
Paddy replies, "Okay Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls
flat on his face.
"Shoot," he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,
"Damn!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he
can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door
frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh
air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls
flat on his face.
"Bi' Criminy... I'm really drunk," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies
inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, "No way".
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says, "I
can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls
fl at on his face.
He says, "Damn it", and crawls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room
carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Wake up Paddy. Did you have a bit
to drink last night?".
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I drank way too much. But how'd you know?"
"Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub."
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awwright, last try dammit:
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."
"And?" asked the doctor.
"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey — this one here looks like yours!'"
And my favorite of the day:
Peggy-sue awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?".
Bubba looks up from his coffee and asks,
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were
dating, and you were only 15?"
"Yes I do" Peggy-sue replies.
Bubba paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my FORD wagon making love?" he
asked solemnly
"Yes, I remember" said Peggy-sue, lowering herself
into a chair beside him.
Bubba continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
"Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to
jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" Peggy-sue replied softly.
Bubba wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have gotten out today!!!!!!
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife's golf ball."
"And?" asked the doctor.
"Well," the man said, "that's when I lifted the cow's tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, 'Hey, honey — this one here looks like yours!'"
And my favorite of the day:
Peggy-sue awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?".
Bubba looks up from his coffee and asks,
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were
dating, and you were only 15?"
"Yes I do" Peggy-sue replies.
Bubba paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my FORD wagon making love?" he
asked solemnly
"Yes, I remember" said Peggy-sue, lowering herself
into a chair beside him.
Bubba continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
"Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to
jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" Peggy-sue replied softly.
Bubba wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have gotten out today!!!!!!
Last edited:
Trees McGee
Member
What do you get when you put your weed in the freezer?
FROSTY BUDS!!!!
tmcg
FROSTY BUDS!!!!
tmcg
Mine are frosty at harvest.
If we ever party - we can smoke mine.
If we ever party - we can smoke mine.
-ShutterBug-
Member
What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
Malnutrition.
Malnutrition.
-ShutterBug-
Member
What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
Politicians don't inhale...they just suck.
Hey bug - When your Mama says your "funny" - I don't think she was thinking comedian kinda funny.
-ShutterBug-
Member
This ones for Mountain Hi
This ones for Mountain Hi
No $
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Moral of the Story= Grow up!(well actually it's "no money for you" but in your case it's grow up.)I picked your thread to put my lame ass jokes whether you like it or not,(not like a lot was going on in it in the first place) so suck it up and take it with a grain of salt if you must, because I'm still gonna post my stupid ass lame jokes on your thread, because I'm high and it makes me feel good. On that note hope you had yourself a good weekend. And may all grows be successful despite your negativity
ShutterBug
This ones for Mountain Hi
No $
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Moral of the Story= Grow up!(well actually it's "no money for you" but in your case it's grow up.)I picked your thread to put my lame ass jokes whether you like it or not,(not like a lot was going on in it in the first place) so suck it up and take it with a grain of salt if you must, because I'm still gonna post my stupid ass lame jokes on your thread, because I'm high and it makes me feel good. On that note hope you had yourself a good weekend. And may all grows be successful despite your negativity
ShutterBug
-ShutterBug-
Member
Married Life
Married Life
Married Life
G
Guest
-ShutterBug-
Member
Hey Yukon why are you being so negative. Shouldn't you be watching Youtube or something instead of trolling threads you don't like. Not only that but nothing tops the lameness that is the Yummybud threads. What's wrong with me posting some jokes, most are cheezier then the one before, but so what, maybe somebody enjoys them. You don't have to come in and bash. I don't watch ten thousand youtube video's but I don't come in on your youtube posts bashing the retardedness put on these message boards via youtube, I just kindly pass by. Thanks for your understanding have a nice day.
Last edited:
G
Guest
O.K. ,here we go, I got 1, ya’ll probably all ready done heard it but it goes like this,
A lady is walking down the street she goes by a pet store their is a parrot on a (I don’t know a thing parrots stand on) and the Parrot says: Heeeeaaay Lady, The lady says: what, Owwwh anit it quite The parrot says: your reeeaaally F**kin Ulgy, The lady is pissed! she turns her nose up, and walks away, Next day same lady, same street, the lady walking, the parrot say : HEEEAAAY Lady lady says: what do you want you fowl mouth little bird the parrot says: : your reeeeaaaally F**kin Ulgy, the lady gets so pissed she goes in the store tell the guy in the store if he doesn’t do something about that parrot she’s going to tha pigs and she’s gonna get something done about it, the guy in the store apologias and assures her it will never happen again ,( No body wants to have to deal with the cops) Anyway next day same lady same street the parrots is still outside and as the lady is walking by the parrots says: Heeeaaay Lady the lady says: What!!! The Parrots says: You Know!!
peace n love
A lady is walking down the street she goes by a pet store their is a parrot on a (I don’t know a thing parrots stand on) and the Parrot says: Heeeeaaay Lady, The lady says: what, Owwwh anit it quite The parrot says: your reeeaaally F**kin Ulgy, The lady is pissed! she turns her nose up, and walks away, Next day same lady, same street, the lady walking, the parrot say : HEEEAAAY Lady lady says: what do you want you fowl mouth little bird the parrot says: : your reeeeaaaally F**kin Ulgy, the lady gets so pissed she goes in the store tell the guy in the store if he doesn’t do something about that parrot she’s going to tha pigs and she’s gonna get something done about it, the guy in the store apologias and assures her it will never happen again ,( No body wants to have to deal with the cops) Anyway next day same lady same street the parrots is still outside and as the lady is walking by the parrots says: Heeeaaay Lady the lady says: What!!! The Parrots says: You Know!!
peace n love
-ShutterBug-
Member
Douche Bag
Douche Bag
Douche Bag
