Veggia farmer
Well-known member
Woke up today. Toilet, totally loose. No structure at all. Actually shaking a little bit. Yesterday I had a chat with someone I care much about. I told more details and more in deepth about some of the memories. I had to make that day end early.
I have been joking to some hear on the forum that I havent waked and baked for some time. Started doing that a couple of week ago again. Wake up early and bring out the indica. Slow start, good start. Just like an diesle engine. A big one too in an small/light body. If I get off a correct "start me up" _Insert The Stones Here_ I go full throttle all day.
I dont "fancy" so much talking about what have happend here and there. I want to accknowledge it, and move on.
1 of January this year. After most of the family has showned me there "true" colors in the Christmas-_Insert Whitesnakes Here I Go Again here_(Its a little bit 80 thinghy, which I find funny being someone who just missed it and all the lovely hair)
22 Medicine is eaten.
00 I feel like laying down for shutting my eyes.
Around 01 in the night, I feel my breath is being hard. I have to "force" it. Thight. I remember something. I manage to connect the memory with the breath. I get a little calm again. I have atleast controll now from what have been in the sub-conciuess to here and now. My Ego had the strength to keep like that for ahwile, enough for me to have something to work with for awhile until I got tired and I was exausted for having the "flashbacks" or what I should call them. Here it sure was more like any other memory. No anxiety, at least not to much for my part. But very emotionally.
I have been searching a little bit before.
I understood in an early age that I didnt have access to all the memories in the consciousness that made an severe impact of who Im today. Simply because I could feel it. For an example. I had a more "flight or fight" active brain then others, and I could thereby also handle some situations with way to much aggressiveness then it required. That started to change some years later when I found Cannabis or it found me. My constant vibration I could actually start to controll a little bit. This was way cool for me.
So Cannabis made me manage to deal with day to day in a more positive way. No doubt. AND NO DOUBT Cannabis has been the thing to impact to me the most without talking about "Community" which I think would be the most Key for me.
Community man, Sound so fucking Hippie Dippie but it is so fucking true, man.
My childhood traumas was made by some of the closest one in mind and space for some part in the timeline.
When this happend I never really had anyone, anyone at all I could later trust and be myself with. Someone I could let my guards all the way down on. Some I have been more with yes, but.... They also disappeared somehow and so on everyone.. I learned that to open your self up has a big price too. If a promise came, that gave atleast some hindsight, cause that would never happen. I then started to not be so much home at an early age, wanting no vistiors or birthday parties for me, thank you! Walk alone, get along has been a moto for me in a few situations yes.
So when this happend all in all I got a nice crust.... And no community to be in or atleast one I could feel.
Ever seen that dog that is afraid of everyone? Thinking everyone is gonna harm it. That was me man. Trust nobody. Talk to nobody. LOL. The first few growers rule went very easily on me, no problemo, have had that attitude as long as I can remember. I try to be more open as an person but yeah, pretty reserved. Living far out in the woods. Anyways I like it. Adapt or perish, I remember as an quote on this forum. Hmm.
So one thing is smoking a little bit erb and being in check. Something else is also getting the knowledge that tilted the table.
Its a little bit more in balance today, but we have a little sea- sickness from changing the position. But IM getting there. Thank all the good people that have helped me with seeds and such. Stoned and smiling this evening mates and ladies.
But I sure notice how fast that nausea can hit the last two months. Hmm. Getting in more balance? I have had a strange digestive system since age 10, atleast...
First two/three weeks of januray I felt much bliss. Just being aware of what made me. After that went a month in depression I would say. So yeah, then I started to wake and bake again to check in on day to day. Doing better.
But After the knowing. mostly just feeling of a release. Like some stones have been taking out the backpack. Lighter. Still getting adjusted.
I love sats on a good day with coffee all amped up, rocking- full throttle! But, that aint most days, I wish. So give some fat leafed nugs with the morning coffee and I will surely smile more I might listen to some AC/ DC and do some push ups. Indica, coffee and push-ups. Thats my recipe for getting away some of the tensions these days. Oh, yeah, drink the coffee and smoke in the sun is good too, as much sunlight as possible! Spring soon here and I feel F)"/RFING rock it!
SALUTE!
For Those About to Rock (We Salute You) - YouTube
I have been joking to some hear on the forum that I havent waked and baked for some time. Started doing that a couple of week ago again. Wake up early and bring out the indica. Slow start, good start. Just like an diesle engine. A big one too in an small/light body. If I get off a correct "start me up" _Insert The Stones Here_ I go full throttle all day.
I dont "fancy" so much talking about what have happend here and there. I want to accknowledge it, and move on.
1 of January this year. After most of the family has showned me there "true" colors in the Christmas-_Insert Whitesnakes Here I Go Again here_(Its a little bit 80 thinghy, which I find funny being someone who just missed it and all the lovely hair)
22 Medicine is eaten.
00 I feel like laying down for shutting my eyes.
Around 01 in the night, I feel my breath is being hard. I have to "force" it. Thight. I remember something. I manage to connect the memory with the breath. I get a little calm again. I have atleast controll now from what have been in the sub-conciuess to here and now. My Ego had the strength to keep like that for ahwile, enough for me to have something to work with for awhile until I got tired and I was exausted for having the "flashbacks" or what I should call them. Here it sure was more like any other memory. No anxiety, at least not to much for my part. But very emotionally.
I have been searching a little bit before.
I understood in an early age that I didnt have access to all the memories in the consciousness that made an severe impact of who Im today. Simply because I could feel it. For an example. I had a more "flight or fight" active brain then others, and I could thereby also handle some situations with way to much aggressiveness then it required. That started to change some years later when I found Cannabis or it found me. My constant vibration I could actually start to controll a little bit. This was way cool for me.
So Cannabis made me manage to deal with day to day in a more positive way. No doubt. AND NO DOUBT Cannabis has been the thing to impact to me the most without talking about "Community" which I think would be the most Key for me.
Community man, Sound so fucking Hippie Dippie but it is so fucking true, man.
My childhood traumas was made by some of the closest one in mind and space for some part in the timeline.
When this happend I never really had anyone, anyone at all I could later trust and be myself with. Someone I could let my guards all the way down on. Some I have been more with yes, but.... They also disappeared somehow and so on everyone.. I learned that to open your self up has a big price too. If a promise came, that gave atleast some hindsight, cause that would never happen. I then started to not be so much home at an early age, wanting no vistiors or birthday parties for me, thank you! Walk alone, get along has been a moto for me in a few situations yes.
So when this happend all in all I got a nice crust.... And no community to be in or atleast one I could feel.
Ever seen that dog that is afraid of everyone? Thinking everyone is gonna harm it. That was me man. Trust nobody. Talk to nobody. LOL. The first few growers rule went very easily on me, no problemo, have had that attitude as long as I can remember. I try to be more open as an person but yeah, pretty reserved. Living far out in the woods. Anyways I like it. Adapt or perish, I remember as an quote on this forum. Hmm.
So one thing is smoking a little bit erb and being in check. Something else is also getting the knowledge that tilted the table.
Its a little bit more in balance today, but we have a little sea- sickness from changing the position. But IM getting there. Thank all the good people that have helped me with seeds and such. Stoned and smiling this evening mates and ladies.
But I sure notice how fast that nausea can hit the last two months. Hmm. Getting in more balance? I have had a strange digestive system since age 10, atleast...
First two/three weeks of januray I felt much bliss. Just being aware of what made me. After that went a month in depression I would say. So yeah, then I started to wake and bake again to check in on day to day. Doing better.
But After the knowing. mostly just feeling of a release. Like some stones have been taking out the backpack. Lighter. Still getting adjusted.
I love sats on a good day with coffee all amped up, rocking- full throttle! But, that aint most days, I wish. So give some fat leafed nugs with the morning coffee and I will surely smile more I might listen to some AC/ DC and do some push ups. Indica, coffee and push-ups. Thats my recipe for getting away some of the tensions these days. Oh, yeah, drink the coffee and smoke in the sun is good too, as much sunlight as possible! Spring soon here and I feel F)"/RFING rock it!
SALUTE!
For Those About to Rock (We Salute You) - YouTube