A World On A String

[Jericho Mile]

Into the Evening Run

Into the Evening Run

worked out bit over 10 miles....push ups and hill repeats...flowing on the rollers...pushing up a back hill stretch...

freshly returned..washing gear...drinking down a Reed's extra ginger

* I haven't been smoking much hash or herb the last few days...and I've been sleeping alone dreaming some. whenever I cut down on smoking cannabis...I immediately start dreaming again. I'm a prolific dreamer

so this morning I wake up to this fucked up sensation dream:

I'm running a race..coming in to an aid station...and I've forgotten my shoes so I'm running barefoot in desperation

then that flips into:

I'm heading down a trail in a race...it's getting dark..and I realize I've forgotten my headlamp...but for some reason I have a little flash light in my hand...so I think I'll be ok..but as I think that I drop the flash light...and it breaks apart on the ground (the ground is a chip seal road for some reason)....so

I get down to collect up the batteries..to put them back in the flash light...but it's dark now..and the batteries are these real skinny tubes..and there's a lot of them. In the dark I can't figure out these batteries or how they go into the light....totally confused and lost

then I woke up.

Obviously having some anxiety dreams...dabbed within the running obsession. I didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning..but I needed to garden and take care of the dogs. Did everything I had to do in the morning...ate a big brunch..then rolled out a mat on the living room floor....slept all afternoon dreamless. I love sleeping.

weak and powerless over you

 

[Crusader Rabbit]

Interesting dreams. Forgetting something important .... searching for something. Sounds familiar. Does sound like anxiety playing itself out. More interesting than forgetting your high school book-locker combination though.

 

[waveguide]

O...you know..I have some butterflies...

apparently someone else has a lot as well.





hehe. i used to ride bicycle to work 4am. woman walking dobermans one place very upset she can't see me until n distance.

"i put lights on all the dogs!"

great fun with that, she puts lights on all the dogs.

could be a disney movie, "a light for every dog". "add $1 to your receipt to donate to a light for every dog fund" bless em! the gift* of vision for every minion.

*german for poison

 

[Jericho Mile]

Interesting dreams. Forgetting something important .... searching for something. Sounds familiar. Does sound like anxiety playing itself out. More interesting than forgetting your high school book-locker combination though.

Check this one out...woke to it in the early hours this morning:

I dreamed that a friend of mine and I were somewhere...not sure where..but it had to do with running...and I was saying to him (well you know in dreams I don't really talk or hear)

"you don't know?...you didn't hear?"

and he "No. What?"

" Ahhhh man...Jamie is dead." Jamie is his wife (just got her into racing ultras in real life)

and of course....he started freaking out...big tough dude..going ballistic. I mean he was tripping hard.

then I realized that Jamie wasn't dead...and I was now faced with figuring out how to explain myself and what I had said. I was figuring that what I'd said was about as uncool as it could get...but that I had really believed Jamie to be dead.

then...I woke up and I thought to myself: best to keep your mouth shut about stuff. You don't know shit, man.

Yeah...I don't know why all the anxiety or why everything has to do...in some form...with running. Running usually brings me a sense of peace and freedom...so maybe

I'm concerned about losing it. I don't really know...because my real life does not seem to be stressful or going wrong...so maybe it's that...I'm concerned for it? guessing.

* I'm a talented dreamer. I can slip into lucid dreaming real easily. As a child I was a sleepwalker...big time. My mom found me trying to go outdoors one evening...totally babbling incoherent and coherent things...but I never could remember any of it. Sleepwalking and nightmares (reoccurring) were a fact of my childhood. I would never want to have one of those nightmares again...as they were...terrifying to the point where I would be screaming and fighting myself...the bed felt like concrete....just not good. Used to be afraid to fall asleep sometimes.

anyways...it's amazing how much I'm dreaming. I smoked some hash before I ran yesterday...but other than that...I hadn't indulged all day. Soon as I stop smoking the dreams flow full on. I like dreaming...but this series of dreams are a little stressful to me. Let's just say...I'm not waking up going.."that was cool."

 

[Jericho Mile]

apparently someone else has a lot as well.





hehe. i used to ride bicycle to work 4am. woman walking dobermans one place very upset she can't see me until n distance.

"i put lights on all the dogs!"

great fun with that, she puts lights on all the dogs.

could be a disney movie, "a light for every dog". "add $1 to your receipt to donate to a light for every dog fund" bless em! the gift* of vision for every minion.

*german for poison

Holy shit....it's waveguide. all a part of the experiment. distances...perceptions...truths in time

good that we are not insulting each other

 

[Crusader Rabbit]

....
then I realized that Jamie wasn't dead...and I was now faced with figuring out how to explain myself and what I had said. I was figuring that what I'd said was about as uncool as it could get...but that I had really believed Jamie to be dead.

then...I woke up and I thought to myself: best to keep your mouth shut about stuff. You don't know shit, man.
....

Well that was one dream you were happy to wake up out of. Bet you breathed a sigh of relief. Funny you're dreaming anxious dreams. You showed yourself you can master the 100's..... so why be anxious about running now? The big change I see in your life is that the little lady is gone to another continent .... Your world is different.

Only had one bout of sleepwalking, when a room-mate started getting weird on me. Musta been the stress then. Woke up once in the hallway leading to the bathroom. Couple nights later I peed on the side of his stereo speaker. At first I didn't believe him but the carpet was wet!

My big chance at lucid dreaming failed when I told myself that it was only a dream and I should crawl out from under the bush and face down the giant monster. I then said the heck with that! ... and crawled further under the brush while the monster stomped on by.

 

[Jericho Mile]

Well that was one dream you were happy to wake up out of. Bet you breathed a sigh of relief. Funny you're dreaming anxious dreams. You showed yourself you can master the 100's..... so why be anxious about running now? The big change I see in your life is that the little lady is gone to another continent .... Your world is different.

Only had one bout of sleepwalking, when a room-mate started getting weird on me. Musta been the stress then. Woke up once in the hallway leading to the bathroom. Couple nights later I peed on the side of his stereo speaker. At first I didn't believe him but the carpet was wet!

My big chance at lucid dreaming failed when I told myself that it was only a dream and I should crawl out from under the bush and face down the giant monster. I then said the heck with that! ... and crawled further under the brush while the monster stomped on by.

yeah...real happy to wake up and find that I was just dreaming. I've known Jamie since she was like 14 yrs old...was in their wedding and all that. She's a real tough person...and now I've given her the ultra racing bug (she's done several marathons..and recently ran a 50K in Nevada)....her and my wife were at the finish line of the 100...and I could see she had that look in her eye. could see that she got what was going on.

Maybe I'm worried for her...but I don't think so. Got to be careful though...who I introduce into the sport. I'd have not pushed her if I didn't think it was for her...and that she'd be in to it. Still..she is like my little sister in some ways..and I wouldn't want to get her hurt. She's had two knee operations from playing soccer...and still she won't quit playing. Like I said...tough and competitive.

* With lucid dreaming I've found mugwort to help relax into it...and I've found that having a background soundtrack like music or TV can keep me on that borderline of being in or out. I've had some extended...or felt extended...amounts of time in a controlled dreaming state.

It's very similar to when I'm able to "get in the zone" while running. Kind of feels the same...but of course..the dreaming is more fragile when I'm sleeping. While in the zone when running...I...more or less..just disappear for awhile...and there is no dream or visions...just blanked out.

I don't understand the anxiety....but Madjag, my wife, and another friend have mentioned to me about OTS (overtraining syndrome)...which indeed...can permanently wreck your body. It is now becoming pretty common in the ultra community. I've talked with runners who are suffering it...

I'm training hard...but feel like I'm also being smart about it. If I were forced to quit running distance now...I'd be in a pretty bad place...so that has really helped me mature as a runner. Many many great runners are being taken out of the game because of overtraining. It's such a fine line between not enough and too much...I mean...a fine line. The entire mentality behind the distance running...and all the training that it involves...is to push yourself into that sweet place where all is great and nothing else in the world matters. I go there all the time. i love it there....but rationally...I know it's a dangerous place.

One of the reasons I wanted to drop out of the scene for the summer is because I didn't want to get influenced by others into getting super competitive and allowing not just my ego...but other's egos to fuck me into a dark hole. I think I'm being smart...as I know...I can easily be pushed into getting crazy and reckless. I have matured as a runner. I'll hold myself to that maturity. Sounds simple...but when you are addicted to something...nothing is simple. It's a force of sheer willpower not to get caught up in the chasing of glory

* I'm deliberately staying off UltraSignup.com........because I know there are several races coming up that I would like to do. I'm considering doing the Chimera 100M in November though. And that's just because I want to race at 100 miles again...and that race is very steep..much of it is run on fire roads...so not as technical as the SD 100M. It's the hill brutality that interests me. Registration is still open...they allow only 150 runners total (that includes pacers...which I wouldn't be using anyway).....it keeps calling me..and I keep myself from taking the bait. That would give me another 3 month stretch of racing every month. Got to be careful.

** the wife is hiking in the Alps with her sister....yeah...I'd like to be over there right now. It's pretty damn green when compared to here. Great hills..great hills

 

[Crusader Rabbit]

Do you fly in a controlled dream state?

 

[Jericho Mile]

Do you fly in a controlled dream state?

Yes. I've flown a couple times. In the best one..I was on a plastic sled and was flying like a glider over a town. When this dream occurred it was to background music on a radio. I flew through more than one song...though I can't remember the songs.

I don't recall ever flying on just my body alone. Always seemed like there was a vehicle. That may be the mind's limitation...I don't know. The flying sensation was very real..and I could control where I was flying. It was pretty cool. Felt real...but there was no sense of heights or wind.

and the drop out. there's that. like when you are just about asleep and then you fall out...and feel yourself falling. think everybody has had that sensation.

 

[Madjag]

I arch my body and spin to the side and take off.......when I was younger i found myself running first and then jumping into a flight.

Now, I just arch and go off the ground.....

 

[Crusader Rabbit]

My flying never involved a vehicle. Getting off the ground was the hard part. It was a Zen And The Art of Archery sort of thing .... If I just relaxed and let it happen then my body would naturally levitate, but as soon as any doubt or hesitation came into my mind then gravity would manifest itself once again. Never fell from any height in these dreams. Could steer and direct it by subtle body changes, yes, arching the back helped steer my flight once I was up there. Pretty cool. I've read of lucid dreamers getting really good at it. I liked looking down at the trees. And in the dreams it just seemed the most natural thing to be doing. The rational mind would creep in occasionally and I'd begin to lose elevation but if one just accepted that "of course we can fly" then it worked out just fine.

That sudden drop sensation of falling that wakes you up at the boundary between sleep and wakefulness is a whole different thing. Leaves ya clutching the mattress.

 

[unclefishstick]

flying is easy...all you have to do is throw yourself at the ground and miss....

 

[budman678]

ASTRAL TRAVELING?

 

[Madjag]

 

[Jericho Mile]

View ImageView ImageView ImageView ImageView Image

Pictures? Can't see them.

 

[Jericho Mile]

A girl I know...

A girl I know...



^ Met Vanessa and Shacky (her husband) on a run last year. Both of them gave up their jobs a few years ago..and now travel around in a camper...hitting races and trails across North America. "Daughters of Distance" is her new book (just came in the mail today)....the other one "Summit Seekers" I've already read. But yeah..she writes, runs, and travels....not a bad life...being a gypsy of the trails.

They use SD as a home base..and camp out in my neck of the woods whenever they are in town....so I see them every so often. I came across Vanessa...on Noble Canyon trail...a while back..before I actually met her...just a girl running with her dog...a quick hello...she was going downhill and me up....one of many runners I've come up on

a few months after that is when I was actually introduced to her and Shacky.

 

[Jericho Mile]

Realization:

Realization:

I'm crashing. That's how it feels. Without a race until September...and coming off the April/May/June races....I'm craving the action already. Took me a little while to come down off the 100 mile race and here I am

just wanting to go right back at it. First time I've experienced the post race need to go back into another series of exploits in order to get back to the grand adventure. It's tough. The bottom seems to have dropped out from under me...leaving me alienated...a stranger to the every day routine....and particularly..

because I'm trying to rest myself and conserve the body. Just doesn't feel right...too much down time...not enough energy being burned up training. Fuck this shit..

there's nothing wrong with the body....feel prime..and the upcoming races seem a long way off..there is no sense of urgency or purpose. Started drifting off again (i never really left...did i?) into what I should be running next

there's a timed event end of August. Obviously never run in a timed event: 12 or 24 hrs running a short..flat course with a chip attached to me...logging in the miles. When the time is up the miles are calculated. different. maybe it appeals to me. mental game for sure

...and that Chimera 100 Mile race keeps calling me. Found myself researching it again. there are still openings.....really brutal looking course. November....be a nice build up of racing going into that..very similar to the last build up. I could be effective and be ready. Feel like if it was this weekend...I would be ready.

did i really have a plan? not really. I said I'd stay racing local..and both these races are local...said I'd complete the Slam...and that I will do...so I'm liberated to do as I please...

still undecided on what i'm going to do...never seems enough. I want to be better and better

 

[unclefishstick]

im still revving up for the first race in september,should be pretty fit by then,just have to see what condition the trails are in by then,could be a bit slower conditions than i might like but thats racing i guess...

 

[unclefishstick]

and dont think of it only from the perspective of racing,its a tool for exploration of your surroundings in a different way than most people get to experience...during this whole everest thing i keep noticing those little moments in the rides,the sun catching a wildflower at just the right angle,or all the jackrabbits all around the desert,watching tiny thumb sized hummingbirds flying around,all the crazy shit you see on the side of the road...

 

[Jericho Mile]

...yes to all that, Unc.

I'll say....I picked the wrong time to ease off on the training. I don't need a rest. I need to be pushing now.

Not like I don't have other things keeping me occupied...as there is plenty to do around here...and I'm still catering to this dying dog of mine. Can't get him to eat. Only thing he'll eat is a piece of bread with peanut butter on it...and even that..is just a single piece for an entire 24hrs. There is nothing much left of him. Don't know how he's still alive. Doesn't seem to be in pain...and can still wag his tail...but damn..I'm over that shit. Keep waiting for him to pass...so I don't have to do it for him. It's no fun.

Haven't smoked all day long...and hardly any yesterday..don't know why...just not feeling like it.

Started reading this girl's book...and that's mostly geared to female perspective...but also...of course...all about running distance..the selfishness and escapism...addiction to it...

so...yeah...I feel like dropping out of this current bullshit and heading back out into the hills...where...I understand the simplicities of heart beats and foot falls....rattlesnakes in the sunshine (saw a big one my last time out. He was hot and therefore very fast. Big old bull....the kind that doesn't give an inch. I jumped high to the side of him...pissed him off badly)

anyways.....I've got to stop bitching. solves nothing