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Take a deep breath...
(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen. When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life.
The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her."
(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.
14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now!
(2006, Vietnam) In a similar event, a Rolling Stone isn't all that gathers no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched on a hill, and decided to retrieve it with help from Sir Isaac Newton. As they rolled the bomb down the hillside according to the laws of gravity, the bomb detonated, leaving a four-meter crater and sending the three entrepreneurs to a face-to-face meeting with their Maker.
Darwin is Looking for Confirmation.
(New York) "My father works as an investigator for an insurance company, a job he frequently reminds me of how much he hates. One of his major clients is a train station. On a day not unlike any other, a man awoke on a train to find that he had missed his stop. Instead of looking out the window, or asking another passenger where the train was, he ripped open the doors of the train and threw himself through them, much to the astonishment of onlooking passengers.
"Had the ill-fated passenger taken the time to look out the window before leaping off the train, he would have noticed that it was moving in excess of 50 MPH, and it was also moving over a bridge. "Look before you leap." He died at the scene in the Hudson River.
"My father investigated this case for the insurance company. The family of the deceased was suing because 'you should not be able to open doors on a moving train.' My dad's defense was, 'you should not open doors on a moving train.' I imagine the case was either dropped or settled."
Darwin says, First selected as the 2006 Winner, this story is now disqualified! No one dies; worse, an innocent woman bystander was injured during her (hopefully former) friend's bid to create a Jackass-style video. And it didn't even happen in 2006! The nomination, "Disqualified: Star Wars," has been disqualified:
Discuss the rules as they apply here.
Fitzroy says, "I read a series of concerns about the Star Wars story. Apparently neither participant died, a fact highlighted by fresh media accounts of the prosecution of the male in the mishap. The female took a passive role, allowing her friend to break gasoline-filled tubes over her back. The man wanted to capture a Jackass-style video. The girl suffered terrible burns.
Discuss the rules in the Philosophy Forum.
DISQUALIFIED: (2006, England) Two people, 17 and 20, imitated Darth Vader and made light sabres from fluorescent light tubes. That's right, they opened up fluoresceent tubes, poured gasoline inside, and lit the end... As one can imagine, a Star Wars sized explosion was not far behind. One died, the other survived to confess to their creative, but stupid, filmed reenactment.
Darwin says, "Some moderators say 17 is too young, but I disagree. 17 is legal driving age. Old enough to pump gas is old enough to know not to light gas."
(September 2006, Florida) A fearsome mythical giant was felled by a humble slingshot. But a modern speargun vs. an underwater leviathan is another tale altogether, as a Florida man discovered.
Outlawed in 1990, hunting Goliath-sized groupers remains surprisingly popular. These fish can weigh hundreds of pounds, yet there are underwater hunters who choose to tether themselves to such muscular sea creatures. However unlikely a pursuit, the poaching of groupers by divers and snorkelers continues, in defiance of both the law and common sense.
Of this elite group, our Darwin Award winner distinguished himself yet further by disregarding one essential spearfishing precaution. By embarking on this hunt without a knife to cut himself loose, the "fit and experienced snorkeler" was guaranteeing that his next attack on a giant grouper would be his last.
Why anyone thinks it's a good idea to tether yourself to a fish twice your size, I don't know. Some time later, the body of the spearfisher was found pinned to the coral, 17 feet underwater. Three coils of line were wrapped around his wrist, and one very dead grouper was impaled at the other end of the line.
In those final hours, the tables were turned, and the fish was given an opportunity to reflect on the experience of "catching a person."
"One string short of a kite."
(19 March 2006, Belize) Benjamin Franklin reputedly flew his kite in a lightning storm, going on to discover that lightning equals electricity. However, certain precautions must be taken to avoid sudden electrocution. Kennon, 26, replicated the conditions of Ben Franklin's experiment, but without Ben's sensible safety precautions. Dennon was flying a kite with a short string that he had extended with a length of thin copper wire. The copper made contact with a high-tension line, sending a bolt of electrical lightning towards the man. Just bad luck? Kennon's father told listeners his son was an electrician, and "should have known better." Kennon is survived by his parents, six sisters, and five brothers.
Feel free to add your own Darwin Award nominees.
Seed
(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen. When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life.
The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her."
(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.
14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now!
(2006, Vietnam) In a similar event, a Rolling Stone isn't all that gathers no moss. Three men scavenging for scrap metal found an unexploded 500-pound bomb perched on a hill, and decided to retrieve it with help from Sir Isaac Newton. As they rolled the bomb down the hillside according to the laws of gravity, the bomb detonated, leaving a four-meter crater and sending the three entrepreneurs to a face-to-face meeting with their Maker.
Darwin is Looking for Confirmation.
(New York) "My father works as an investigator for an insurance company, a job he frequently reminds me of how much he hates. One of his major clients is a train station. On a day not unlike any other, a man awoke on a train to find that he had missed his stop. Instead of looking out the window, or asking another passenger where the train was, he ripped open the doors of the train and threw himself through them, much to the astonishment of onlooking passengers.
"Had the ill-fated passenger taken the time to look out the window before leaping off the train, he would have noticed that it was moving in excess of 50 MPH, and it was also moving over a bridge. "Look before you leap." He died at the scene in the Hudson River.
"My father investigated this case for the insurance company. The family of the deceased was suing because 'you should not be able to open doors on a moving train.' My dad's defense was, 'you should not open doors on a moving train.' I imagine the case was either dropped or settled."
Darwin says, First selected as the 2006 Winner, this story is now disqualified! No one dies; worse, an innocent woman bystander was injured during her (hopefully former) friend's bid to create a Jackass-style video. And it didn't even happen in 2006! The nomination, "Disqualified: Star Wars," has been disqualified:
Discuss the rules as they apply here.
Fitzroy says, "I read a series of concerns about the Star Wars story. Apparently neither participant died, a fact highlighted by fresh media accounts of the prosecution of the male in the mishap. The female took a passive role, allowing her friend to break gasoline-filled tubes over her back. The man wanted to capture a Jackass-style video. The girl suffered terrible burns.
Discuss the rules in the Philosophy Forum.
DISQUALIFIED: (2006, England) Two people, 17 and 20, imitated Darth Vader and made light sabres from fluorescent light tubes. That's right, they opened up fluoresceent tubes, poured gasoline inside, and lit the end... As one can imagine, a Star Wars sized explosion was not far behind. One died, the other survived to confess to their creative, but stupid, filmed reenactment.
Darwin says, "Some moderators say 17 is too young, but I disagree. 17 is legal driving age. Old enough to pump gas is old enough to know not to light gas."
(September 2006, Florida) A fearsome mythical giant was felled by a humble slingshot. But a modern speargun vs. an underwater leviathan is another tale altogether, as a Florida man discovered.
Outlawed in 1990, hunting Goliath-sized groupers remains surprisingly popular. These fish can weigh hundreds of pounds, yet there are underwater hunters who choose to tether themselves to such muscular sea creatures. However unlikely a pursuit, the poaching of groupers by divers and snorkelers continues, in defiance of both the law and common sense.
Of this elite group, our Darwin Award winner distinguished himself yet further by disregarding one essential spearfishing precaution. By embarking on this hunt without a knife to cut himself loose, the "fit and experienced snorkeler" was guaranteeing that his next attack on a giant grouper would be his last.
Why anyone thinks it's a good idea to tether yourself to a fish twice your size, I don't know. Some time later, the body of the spearfisher was found pinned to the coral, 17 feet underwater. Three coils of line were wrapped around his wrist, and one very dead grouper was impaled at the other end of the line.
In those final hours, the tables were turned, and the fish was given an opportunity to reflect on the experience of "catching a person."
"One string short of a kite."
(19 March 2006, Belize) Benjamin Franklin reputedly flew his kite in a lightning storm, going on to discover that lightning equals electricity. However, certain precautions must be taken to avoid sudden electrocution. Kennon, 26, replicated the conditions of Ben Franklin's experiment, but without Ben's sensible safety precautions. Dennon was flying a kite with a short string that he had extended with a length of thin copper wire. The copper made contact with a high-tension line, sending a bolt of electrical lightning towards the man. Just bad luck? Kennon's father told listeners his son was an electrician, and "should have known better." Kennon is survived by his parents, six sisters, and five brothers.
Feel free to add your own Darwin Award nominees.
Seed
