Suicide...

[7ate9]

It's really getting harder and harder to live a life that's not worth living...had to break up with someone that I love because she thought my smoking would only be a phase...yet I educated her so much on it so I never understood why she still had a problem with it...Weed does run my life, but not in a negative way. ROFL Honestly the one thing keeping me from killing myself is the thought of enjoying another smoke...

I really hate life and it's weird, it's as if I'm obsessed with death. Even while driving I just look off to the side of the road and imagine what it would be like to just run the car off and die...I'm not a cutter or any thing, but I do tend to be self destructive by pushing everyone out of my life...and trust me that isn't many. Shoot I'm even drinking right now and I usually never drink...

I'm just really unmotivated, no longer chasing dreams but what ifs. Just got a car, about to start college, shouldn't I be excited? I've received help several times, all bs where I put on a mask and walk in until they are satisfied by the suggestions that I already knew.

Starting to not believe in Karma because I'm a very generous and outgoing guy, yet I only get screwed by everything and always just feeling miserable.

I just needed to vent and I know I shouldn't be doing it here, but this is the only place where I feel welcome and the people actually listen, just a bunch of great people.

 

[DogBoy]

I know it sounds soppy but you need a friend you can talk to dude. These thoughts are not something you should carry alone. Thats a dangerous path, get a friend who is worth having and talk to them openly. If you have no friends then at least speak to someone sensible. Dont fall into a spiral.

 

[ItsGrowTime]

I know its a cliche' but you should look up one of those hotlines. Sometimes people just need someone to talk to and you sound like you do. Try it and I hope you are still here with us tomorrow.

 

[7ate9]

I know it sounds soppy but you need a friend you can talk to dude. These thoughts are not something you should carry alone. Thats a dangerous path, get a friend who is worth having and talk to them openly. If you have no friends then at least speak to someone sensible. Dont fall into a spiral.

Talking to people does help for the time being, but it always comes back and I just feel like I'm in a hole.

 

[7ate9]

I know its a cliche' but you should look up one of those hotlines. Sometimes people just need someone to talk to and you sound like you do. Try it and I hope you are still here with us tomorrow.

Thanks, that sounds like a good idea. Don't worry, I will be here tomorrow, this stuff has been going on for years. It's just this time is just driving me insane and needed to vent and I'm glad I had the chance because I'm already feeling better.

I just wish this crap would stop or something, but it's like what DogBoy said, it's just a never ending spiral.

 

[Feyd]

You want to know what will happen if you drive your car off a steep cliff and plummet 300 feet to ground, erupting in a fiery ball of death?
You will die. And after you die, you will probably become dirt again. Not really a huge mystery, but thats my guess as to what happens.
Sure you might sprout wings and live in Neverland with all of the other people whose biological bodies also turned to dirt, but nobody knows for sure.
What we do know is that when you die, you're just ****ing dead. You can't laugh, cry, sing, dance, smoke a bowl and order a pizza, or go swimming naked.
However, you can do all of those things while alive. So clearly, being alive is way better than being dead.
Yes you have problems. Everyone has problems somewhere in their life.

Me? I don't have a lot of money. A lot of my friends are douche bags, or are a couple hundred miles away. I have NEVER had any consistent luck with girls. I did so poorly in highschool that I couldn't get into a good 4-year university. I did bad in my first year of community college, and now I don't really have a direction. I live at home with my mom, and I try to find full-time jobs or multiple part-time jobs to supplement a full-time schedule in order to help out with money (and of course buy sweet mary jane).
Some people would say that my life is not worth living. The most I will amount to is working a job that requires very few years of education and no longer than 5-10 years training to become a master. I probably won't have kids, or a wife. I'm not going to go down in history books for inventing a better toaster or a microwave that cures cancer instead of causing it.

To those who say that my life is not worth living however, **** you. I love my life, no matter how shitty or great it gets.

I'm not sure if you are some emo kid who does not realize how good you have it, but even if you were I wouldn't judge you.
Take a look around you. Examine your life. What do you have to be thankful for? This does not mean that the only things worth counting are beautiful girlfriends and expensive cars. Are you still sane? Can your lungs take a couple more hits? What about family, friends?
If anything, be thankful you are alive. I am thankful for each day that I don't get hit by a bus, robbed by a morally-lacking homeless man, or mauled by a neighbors pitbull.

Consider speaking with a doctor about anti-depressants, if you feel it is something that could benefit from them.
Imo, the best medication for this would be a joint and some self-evaluation.

 

[Guest]

It is just a phase...

your mind will change when school starts. The most important thing to do is not push friends and family away. Those who completely alienate themselves from their loved ones and the world are the ones who usually wind up biting the bullet.

Starting to not believe in Karma because I'm a very generous and outgoing guy, yet I only get screwed by everything and always just feeling miserable.

stop putting yourself in situations, where you get ****ed over. not everything is trying to screw you. You need to man up and quit letting the world walk all over you.

Life has it's ups and downs, just remember, there are millions of other people in this world who would trade lives with you in a heartbeat... the mere fact that you are visiting this web site is a testament to that! Think of how many folks don't have access to the internet, food, water or shelter for that matter. You also stated you just got a car and are going to college soon... things will get better!

 

[dubmaster]

You need to find the root of your issue/issues.
What is it about your life you would change if you could?
What about your life do you like?
What isnt clicking?


What kind of people do you surround yourself with?
Is it how your spending your day?

No problem/issue can be solved until its properly identified.
Start at the core of yourself...
Get what it good and bad out, write it down.
Make a list of the negatives and work on them slowly.
Dont forget to remind yourself daily of the good....thats just important if not more than the negatives.

What is the real reasons for feeling like being in a hole?
Is it something you've done that you regret?
Are you not sure what you want to do with your life?


Now when thinking of ending ones life on this earth...
Take into considerationand please dont take any of this the wrong way....)
Is that really going to solve the problem?
Running/turning your back on a problem, only makes it worse. You can find
evidence of that in many of lifes situations....and rarely one that isnt.
Its not unlogical to assume, that what you will encounter in the next stage wont
exactly be the escape you imagined...in fact it might be the opposite. Not trying to
compound the stress here, but just think about it. To make that act is a form of
escape...just be sure you consider what all that might include.
In short, consider in your attempt to rid yourself of your troubles/worries not to
make it even worse. This is grim and a bit selfish...but nonetheless....
If you ask me, the state you would be in would be far worse then where your at
now which cancels out the whole ordeal to begin with.

Get a grip on the negativity surrounding you at the present time.
Understand its source.
If its something you could have done differently, you still have your whole life to try again.
If you did something wrong you cant seem to keep down, let it out.....resolve it by any means possible.
If you are lacking meaning in your life, define what meaning is to you and seek it out.
Turning your back on it will only multiply your current state even greater.

 

[DogBoy]

Maybe you would benefit from setting yourself some simple achievable goals and then expanding on those once you achieve them. Simple success' can then be built on to try to impose a more positive outlook on your life. I think we all get these feelings at some point and it continues to be a problem until you find a way of dealing with it that works for you personally. Trial and error are the only way to find out but you need to hang in there until you find your path.

your getting some good tips from people here who obviously gain nothing from helping you. That should encourage you, if people who dont know you are so willing to offer help then imagine the power of a few good friends......

 

[Guest]

It sounds to me like you are depressed,you need a brain rewiring job man thats all.I've only experienced true depression as a side-effect of interferon therapy but it's no different than natural depression,you're an electrical entity.What worked for me may not work for you and is probably controversial like most of my shit huh lol.Zoloft.That shit rewired my brain with relative quickness.The difference was unbelievable.Interferon caused depressions are some of the worst yet it pulled me out of a deep dark place.For most anti-depressents wil be a passing thing used only long enough to get your brain circuitry functioning normally,there are people that are terminally depressed however.This doesn't sound like you though.And as for thinking what it would be like to ram a oak tree lol thats just your mind bro,nothing abnormal whatsoever unless I still have problems I'm unaware of.Now if thats happening daily or something thats a different story.

 

[Guest]

hey buddy i really hope u talk to a health professional and get some real help for feeling the way you're feeling right now...i have been severely depressed in the past and remember wishing i would just not wake up in the morning...i am not ever going to quit on life though, like the other guy said no matter how much it sucks you can still pull bong hits...

in fact my life doesn't suck at all now, its pretty awesome...i don't have a million dollars but i have an awesome dog, great gf and 6 or 7 really solid friends...if i had not gotten help and given in to my self-destructive thoughts in the past i wouldn't have been around to enjoy it all...zoloft helped me as well, although it took a long time to find something that worked for me this stuff does and i feel normal otherwise which is great...

please remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...when i was the most depressed i stuck it out not for myself but for my folks and my siblings...no matter how upset i was i wasn't going to kill myself and make my family stay behind and feel shitty about it the rest of their lives...your mom loves u and it would just devastate her if u killed yourself...you're probably the most important thing in her life, for sure...

so yeah man, please get some help from a doctor and get active to push these thoughts out of your head...maybe start working out and i would suggest to stop drinking until u aren't depressed...stick with the herb and maybe even check out growin some shrooms, u could defintiely hide some cakes in ur closet, and then u would be laughing too hard to be depressed!

take care and be safe

peace
nug

 

[NserUame]

I think you're mostly feeling anxiety man. You're at a turning point in your life, like you said you're going off to college which is a big change. While I can't tell you that you should be looking forward to college (I hated it) I can say that there's no point in giving up.

You've accepted the fact that you're willing to die. So do something before you die. If you're unafraid of death than go visit the Congo, go base jumping, run with the bulls, **** four hookers at a time while humming yankee doodle dandee? You can always kill yourself later, but explore your options first, because putting a bullet in your head is the one thing you can't take back.

In the end I really don't care what you do, I don't know you, but you will leave people behind that care about you. I've lost friends and an aunt to suicide, it tears you up inside knowing that something was wrong and the person never even came to you for help.

 

[Lady 420]

Just got a car, about to start college, shouldn't I be excited?

College will be the some of the best years of your life. Study and party hard.

 

[Guest]

There is a reason for you depression, what you need to do is try and figure out what is driving it. I was depressed once and went to psychologists and took antidepressants for a long while. You have alot going for you regardless of what you may think. Just don't let it get the best of you. I did find out what my problem was eventually and turns out I was just ignoring the facts of my depression. Once I came to realization of what it was I was able to get around it.

If you are trying to live your life the way others think you should then you will never be happy. Just because you don't have a high paying job or a college degree does not mean you are a failure. Be happy with yourself and alot of things will come togethor ... at least they did for me.

Best of luck to you brother and please don't take the left turn on splash drive. It leads no where but down.

Mo,

 

[Guest]

Nug I'm just positive you have the second best dog in the world bro,and thats sayin a lot!I noticed you listed your valuable assets in the correct order,Dog girlfriend and friends.Although the last two may become interchangible at different times in life,the first will and should always be the first.Dogs Rule!

 

[7ate9]

Hey guys I just really want to say thanks for the support, I knew I would get what I wanted here.

 

[Yummybud]

lol trust me that's exactly how I feel a lot of times but luckily I just snap out of it and stop being depressed.

the thing is to keep busy so you have less time to be depressed. I go to work, school, work on my car etc so even when I'm depressed I always have shit to do so I can't just sit around planning how to kill myself lol.


I've had stupid thoughts like that before like while driving thinking what it would be like if I just slammed into a bridge going 200km/h.

life can't be great 24/7 you just have to learn to live through shitty times and hope for better times which will eventually come if you want it.

I always remind myself that I'll be dead whether I want it or not maybe not in a week or a month but you will die eventually, maybe an accident, disease, old age but you will die and once your'e dead you'll be dead for eternity. Compare eternity of not existing to living for maybe another 40-60 years? depending on how old you are.

 

[RED145]

Dying is ****ing easy,any idiot can drive off a bridge or pull the trigger.The hard one to do is wake up every day and deal with your pain,that builds charector.
At such a young age,you guys shouldnt be talking suicide,the fact that you are is troubling.I talk alot of kill yourself,but I dont really mean it.
Counseling is what you need,go see the head doc for an hour,maybe get on some Paxil or sumtin.
its normal to feel bad when ya get dumped,its normal to feel bad when ya lose a job,its normal to go thru every emotion you have,
whats not normal is talking of offin yerself in your 20's.

 

[Sheriff Bart]

**** 'em and keep tokin

and for god's sake dont take any pills from the man!!! (seriously they do no good, short term or long term, rewiring your brain with a little man made pill into a zombie is not the way to go...)

i never been to a psychologist, but i do know talking helps, wherever it may occur..

so just cling tight to life and never let go man, it's all good, learn to see it that way.

"it's even worse than it appears,
but,
it's alright...."

 

[Haps]

Drink a glass of milk, this will provide calcium, to help your spine. Abe Lincoln said that folks will generally be as happy as they decide to be. Break your daily patterns, go outside, breathe in, breathe out. Don't get fooled into taking antidepressants, they make me feel MORE suicidal, as they do many people, bad medicine.

I had these thoughts start when I was in my late teen years, and they have come back many times in the thirty years sinse then. You have to decide if you have the spine to live on through the good and bad, or if you are a weak loser, who can't go on. Folks try real hard to forget about people who commit suicide, there is no sympathy for you, only for the folks you mess up by this stupid weakness.

Two years ago this week, I had a series of heart attacks and surgery, and after that, I just hoped and prayed to get a couple more years to live, which I got. Now my goal is to live 5 more years - and yet I still get thoughts of suicide almost every day, it is a silly piece of emotional baggage. My secret is the promise I made myself at your age, to say, I will wait until tomorrow, and see if I still feel this way, and this has got me through some dark times. Drink the milk.
H