should a family go public when a loved one od's

[relic1981]

im not sure this is the right place for this so if you move it be sure to let me know... thanks...

i recently had a good friend of mine relapse with opiates and he passed away on xmass night 2013. everyone who was close to him knew what was going on and knows why he passed but the family started telling people it was from sleep apnea as to not tarnish his memory. how do u guys feel about that?

i completely understand where the family is coming from, they are a respected family in this community andmy friend was a very talented musician so they had a fundraiser jam seesion at one of the local night spots and the proceeds are going to the local universities music program to help pay tuition for musicians. i respect that i really do but somewhere inside me i find myself feeling frustrated over it because if the truth was spoken we could have opened up a dialog about the addiction, relapse and recovery. i feel its a lost chance to make something good out of something really horrible. not that their choice didnt bring ny good. i hope this makes sense to everyone, its hard for me to talk about so i get kinda flustered and have a hard time coming up with the right words.

 

[paulo73]

Though cookie that is.
I can understand from where you´re coming from but in the end it all boils down to how his loved ones want to keep his memories.
I probably wouldn´t use the death of a friend/relative to raise awareness on any subject. Unless he/she would state that beforehand. But again this one is a very personal subject that i won´t go deep because it´s even too personal to be raise in public forums.
Just my opinion of course.
My deep condolences for the lost of your friend and i´m sure that your time together made you more aware of that specific subject, maybe you could use your own awareness on it.

 

[Stoner4Life]

as long as they hide their heads in the sand problems will continue to consume this family.

 

[McKush]

.

 

[kmk420kali]

I was a heroin addict for 18 years (off it now for 17)...and I know first hand that a Junkies life is a life of lies!! I have had many, many close friends die from it...and in the end, all that is left is a chance that your ending TRUTH may be the trigger that helps somebody else get free from that fucked up drug!!
Most people already know when someone is an addict...so when the end is death, as sad as that is, let others realize what that life has in store for you--
My condolences for your loss--

 

[whatthe215]

ex dope head here. i can name too many friends.. all great, loving people... that have passed from OD.

i respect the families' decision to keep the truth private, but i've seen a lot of good come from these tragic events. when great people are taken down by such a destructive force (addiction,) people band together to rid their communities of that force. at minimum, they bring awareness to the issue and provide help to those struggling.

heroin is back, sweeping up and down the east coast like a hurricane. it sucks, very few of us make it out alive and healthy. most are in jail, on the streets, or dead.

 

[Blaze 12]

Im so sorry for your loss brother this is such a tough thing to deal with i understand both sides to this but if thats how his family wants it then you got to respect there wishes on this ..And thank you for talking to us about this there is no easy way through this but talking about it helps a lot i know ive lost family and friends to this drug and almost every adult male in my family is still struggling with it now

 

[LEF]

I would respect their choice/limits

(is what i'm thinking)

who knows how reality would turn out

 

[supermanlives]

that's up to the family.people deal with shit 2 ways my friend. they bury it and try and pretend it wasn't what it was. others confront it and try and make a change so it don't happen to others. even consoleing another in a support structure might help them. I lost count of people gone to the grave on drugs I have known. china white took out like 10 friends in pa way back when some pure hit streets.i don't like needles I am still here.....btw the older generation likes to bury stuff... not talk about it

 

[Stoner4Life]

w/no disrespect meant to their own grief & grieving process.......

 

[Snypette]

I had a similar experience but I was on the side of being lied to about what really happened. The person who died was like family to me. I understand respecting parents/family wishes but being lied to was pretty hurtful on my end.

I personally just can not say 'whatever the family wanted' because I think that to leave that truth untold.. when the person is already gone.. well that feels like some kind of tragedy to me. everything is already so fake in this world.. should death be too? I wouldn't want the last memory people have of me to be a lie. But that's just me

 

[growsjoe1]

Relic.... On an individual basis your point is valid, but I'm sure your friend was much more than an addict. The problem with sharing publicly his cause of death would forever brand him and his entire identity as simply 'heroin addict' overshadowing anything else of value worth remembering him for. Just curious-How would you want people to remember you?

 

[relic1981]

Though cookie that is.
I can understand from where you´re coming from but in the end it all boils down to how his loved ones want to keep his memories.
I probably wouldn´t use the death of a friend/relative to raise awareness on any subject. Unless he/she would state that beforehand. But again this one is a very personal subject that i won´t go deep because it´s even too personal to be raise in public forums.
Just my opinion of course.
My deep condolences for the lost of your friend and i´m sure that your time together made you more aware of that specific subject, maybe you could use your own awareness on it.

thank you, you are right. it should come down to what that individuals wishes were and then of course you have to respect the family's wishes too. just thought id throw it out there while im working through some of these feelings. he was a very close friend and will always be loved and missed.

 

[relic1981]

there is no manual and there are no hard fast rules when it comes to dealing with tradgedy...

without getting too existential or what have you, imho it is the immediate family that has the right to decide. The Good Lord knows their hearts and minds and we should respect their wishes. Ask first, if you cannot man or woman up to asking each appropriate adult for their blessing, then you have zero right to publicize jack ....

i would never do anything against their wishes. its not my place. and yes he was so much more than an addict. being an addict dosnt define you and i think thats why it bugs me. i just dont like the idea of lying about the cause. they could have said unknown causes instead of saying it was sleep apnea... there is a potential negative backlash. on top of the fact that his friends who were still addicts (and i use the term friend very loosely when it comes to addict friends) are going to probably use more to cope with it if they are affected, and second it can cause people with sleep apnea or people who potentially have it to be overly concerned about something that didn't even happen. i wanted to open this dialog because i am still working through some feelings, as he was like a brother to me and also a very well liked and popular local musician. i also wanted to raise awareness and maybe get someone who has a problem thinking about recovery. i was thinking something good may still come of this tragedy. the personal details don't need to be aired. again i feel that it's not my place.