I am getting so tired of being in pain all the fucking time. People wonder why I'm such an asshole. You fucking wake up screaming in pain every fucking day and see what kind of person you are.
I guess I just wanted to talk about it. Sorry.
I'm almost 65 years old. When I was 60, I had damn near a 6 pack ab and I was in California climbing mountains. I could pull myself up with one arm. Not a feat I saw many 60 year olds accomplish.
I have been fighting pain since I was in my 20's. Fucking back pain.
Screaming drunk all my life. Fell down a thousand times. Had over 50 car wrecks. Rolled 3. Totaled 6. Motorcycle wrecks, too.
A lifetime of dehydration from alcoholism has all my tendons snapping like old rubber bands.
Arthritis is a constant burn.
I flipped a tractor about 15 years ago and fell onto my neck. Since then, there's all this growth and bone spurs and shit growing all over the back of my neck. Fucking headaches are skull crushers.
I have had a bone spur on my foot for about 5 or 6 years. Makes every step a pain. Even walking into stores like Home Depot and the grocery store become endless walks of pain.
From 55 to 60 I had 12 surgeries. All minor stuff but it seemed like I was in recovery all the fucking time. I think that's why I was in such good shape at 60. It was all the recovery rehab from all those surgeries. Knee scopes. Hernias. Minor shit like that.
I have been a steady at the gym for almost 50 years. I have had times off and on but overall, I have been pretty damn good about it.
Also, I need both knees replaced. One is still pretty good for , maybe 4 or 5 years. The right knee is already past due.
Fucking Winter came early in December and I fucking HATE Winter. I have wanted to move out of this shithole ever since I retired. That's why I was in Cali 5 years ago. Looking for a place to move to and retire. (Fucking, the coastal part of Cali is fucking expensive for housing). LOL
Once Winter hit, my depression quickly followed and I didn't leave the fucking house for almost a month. That includes not going to the gym. Core got fucking weak. I picked something up wrong... bingo. Level 10 back pain is back again. Fuck !! It's been almost 3 months since I went to the gym. I believe that's the longest in almost 20 years.
So far I have managed to stay away from opiates. I'm sure I'll be an addict sooner or later. I was hoping that exercise and decent health could delay that as long as possible. I really don't like pain pills. I have had to take them after all my surgeries and I really really hate what they do to your body. Man was not meant to take a shit once a week. LMAO
Well, I have been sitting here and the pain is not screaming right at this moment. There are times of relief. Maybe I won't even post this. It felt better just to type it.
Fucking pain. If ever there was a devil, he comes in the form of pain. I wanted to kill myself a half hour ago. I was asking God to take me. I feel a little better now.
Fucking pain.
The struggle is hard. There are times when I want to give up. Fucking pain.
Pot doesn't seem to make any difference with that level 7 and above pain. It takes percodan for that level pain. Quite frankly, I don't believe all the hype about pot relieving pain. I smoke 6 pounds a year and it sure doesn't seem like it's working for me. Albeit, as my wife says, "How would you know. You're always high". LOL
Fucking pain.
Fucking pain.
Going to get a cup of coffee and try to move. I have been doing some of my old knee and back therapy at home and I'm hoping to be strong enough to get back to the gym tomorrow.
It's a horrible fucking time in your life when you go from youth to old age. Especially when it happens overnight. I was so young, just yesterday.
How did it come to this.
How did it come to this.
I guess I just wanted to talk about it. Sorry.
I'm almost 65 years old. When I was 60, I had damn near a 6 pack ab and I was in California climbing mountains. I could pull myself up with one arm. Not a feat I saw many 60 year olds accomplish.
I have been fighting pain since I was in my 20's. Fucking back pain.
Screaming drunk all my life. Fell down a thousand times. Had over 50 car wrecks. Rolled 3. Totaled 6. Motorcycle wrecks, too.
A lifetime of dehydration from alcoholism has all my tendons snapping like old rubber bands.
Arthritis is a constant burn.
I flipped a tractor about 15 years ago and fell onto my neck. Since then, there's all this growth and bone spurs and shit growing all over the back of my neck. Fucking headaches are skull crushers.
I have had a bone spur on my foot for about 5 or 6 years. Makes every step a pain. Even walking into stores like Home Depot and the grocery store become endless walks of pain.
From 55 to 60 I had 12 surgeries. All minor stuff but it seemed like I was in recovery all the fucking time. I think that's why I was in such good shape at 60. It was all the recovery rehab from all those surgeries. Knee scopes. Hernias. Minor shit like that.
I have been a steady at the gym for almost 50 years. I have had times off and on but overall, I have been pretty damn good about it.
Also, I need both knees replaced. One is still pretty good for , maybe 4 or 5 years. The right knee is already past due.
Fucking Winter came early in December and I fucking HATE Winter. I have wanted to move out of this shithole ever since I retired. That's why I was in Cali 5 years ago. Looking for a place to move to and retire. (Fucking, the coastal part of Cali is fucking expensive for housing). LOL
Once Winter hit, my depression quickly followed and I didn't leave the fucking house for almost a month. That includes not going to the gym. Core got fucking weak. I picked something up wrong... bingo. Level 10 back pain is back again. Fuck !! It's been almost 3 months since I went to the gym. I believe that's the longest in almost 20 years.
So far I have managed to stay away from opiates. I'm sure I'll be an addict sooner or later. I was hoping that exercise and decent health could delay that as long as possible. I really don't like pain pills. I have had to take them after all my surgeries and I really really hate what they do to your body. Man was not meant to take a shit once a week. LMAO
Well, I have been sitting here and the pain is not screaming right at this moment. There are times of relief. Maybe I won't even post this. It felt better just to type it.
Fucking pain. If ever there was a devil, he comes in the form of pain. I wanted to kill myself a half hour ago. I was asking God to take me. I feel a little better now.
Fucking pain.
The struggle is hard. There are times when I want to give up. Fucking pain.
Pot doesn't seem to make any difference with that level 7 and above pain. It takes percodan for that level pain. Quite frankly, I don't believe all the hype about pot relieving pain. I smoke 6 pounds a year and it sure doesn't seem like it's working for me. Albeit, as my wife says, "How would you know. You're always high". LOL
Fucking pain.
Fucking pain.
Going to get a cup of coffee and try to move. I have been doing some of my old knee and back therapy at home and I'm hoping to be strong enough to get back to the gym tomorrow.
It's a horrible fucking time in your life when you go from youth to old age. Especially when it happens overnight. I was so young, just yesterday.
How did it come to this.
How did it come to this.