Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house everybody felt shitty even the mouse...Mom at the whore house and dad smoking grass I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass...When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter I sprung from my piece to see what's the matter...Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick...He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell I knew in a moment the fucker had fell...He filled our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer...He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart the son of a bitch blew the chimney apart...He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight piss on you all and have a hell of a night !!! LOL HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY !!! Take Care...BC
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Money's Short Times Are Hard Here's Your Fucking Christmas Card
- Thread starter B.C.
- Start date
Here ya go, perfect pic for your story. hahahaha
G
Guest
^^^Nice story and pic LOL
Here's a good one, this cracked me up.
I Used To Grow
Active member
LOL @ Santa yelling at the kid!
well played POMH, well played
well played POMH, well played
Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual yultide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as "Mus musculus". Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appelations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably esconced in their respective accomadations of repose, were experiencing subconcious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumbrous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaing the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brillance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus "Rangifer", piloted by a miniscule, aged chauffer so ebullient and nimble hthat it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath mysticaly through contractor labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen "Now Dasher, now Dancer ..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could easily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium form its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the residue from the oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to the street vendor I attributed largely to the plethera of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminousity, while his submaxillary dermal indentation gave every evidence of enjoying amiability. The capillaries of his malor regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcuteneous layers, the former approximating the colorations of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the "Prunus avim," or sweet cherry. His amusing sub - and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose gray fumes forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemisherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less an abses, jocund, multigenerian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from being so. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned articles with merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported recepectacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave taking, and forthwith affected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself up a short vector on to his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self-same assembleage, my sincerest wishes for salubriously benefical and gratifingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn.
Ms.Heart,Im starting to think you have ESP...
Ms.Heart,Im starting to think you have ESP...
Ms.Heart,Im starting to think you have ESP...
HAAAHAHAHAHAHA This is what's on the cover of this disfunctional xmas carol.lol It's jus a xerox copy,but there's santa on the front flipping the bird.A friend gave it to me at a xmas party the other night.I think some found it offensive,I hope that's not the case with anyone here? Anyway,I thought it was funny so I passed it along. It was meant in pure sillyness......MERRY CHRISTMAS! BCpieceofmyheart said:Here ya go, perfect pic for your story. hahahaha
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