LMAO - Church Bulletin Mishaps

[NiteTiger]

Most of these go straight to the File 13, but this one was too good

>Church Bulletins
>
>They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type
>them. These sentences actually appeare d in church bulletins or were
>announced in church services:
>
>-----------------------------------------------
>
>The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
>-----------------------------------------------
>
>The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
>'Searching for Jesus.'
>-----------------------------------------------
>
>Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
>recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
>-----------------------------------------------
>
>Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
>things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
>-----------------------------------------------
>
>The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
>conflict.
>-----------------------------------------------
>
>Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
>who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
>pleasure to the congregation.
>-----------------------------------------------
>
>For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
>down
>stairs.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
>they can get.
>------------------ - -----------------------------
>
>The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
>sing:
>'Break Forth Into Joy.'
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
>So
>ends a friendship that began in their school days.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>At the evening service tonight, the sermon t opic will be 'What Is Hell?'
>Come early and listen to our choir practice.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
>new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
>Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
>-------------- - ---------------------------------
>
>Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
>you want remembered.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
>gracious hostility.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
>invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S is done.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
>him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
>the
>back door.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
>basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this
>tragedy.
>------------------------------------------------
>
>Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
>use large double door at the side entrance..
>------------------------------------------------
>
>The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
>last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
>
>

 

[Dr Dog]

Good post dude, laughed my ass off at a few of them

 

[rusto]

This is funny, where did they come from originally?

 

[D Rock]

This is funny, I laughed out loud a couple times and my wife came in asking me what it was I was laughing at. she too read it and couldnt believe some of the stuff, Good find.

 

[robobond]

I saw a synagogue near me have on its bulletin thing "all fags go to hell or something of the sort." Obviously put up by pranksters but still ended up in a burst of laughter and disbelief.

 

[Guest]

most of those were dumb but some hilarious. I loved this one:

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 

[NiteTiger]

Rusto: My email inbox

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Gotta love truth in advertising

 

[teddybud]

hahahahaht great stuff nite!

 

[B.C.]

Gotta good laugh outa some of these,went right along with my wake and bake! Thanks Nite! Take care...BC

 

[Pops]

I saw one in our church bulletin years ago that said that the Church ladies would have a supper for the missionaries shortly after the erections for the Board of Deacons were held. Makes you wonder what the church secretary was thinking about.

 

[daisy jane]

Priceless. That was a great laugh, too funny. I liked the searching for jesus one, hahahah. All were good though.

 

[DickAnubis]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to NiteTiger again.

Ha! My pants are damp. HA!

PEACE DA