Just smoked for the first time after a 2 yr hiatus

[TTIC]

Hey this is Toke-Till-i-Choke from OG and here's the **long** story of how I got back into tokin on buds.

Well there's a very long story for why I took a 2 yr hiatus from smoking. That's a different topic.

But After taking a 2 yr hiatus I finally smoked Dec 2 and a second time Dec 17th.

I've been married for a little over a year now and my wife is seriously against bud (we've had many heated conversations). I've found out that the only way I can smoke up in peace is by doing it behind her back. So when she goes out for grocery shopping or some activity that doesn't include me and that will take 3+ hrs I have an oppurtunity to smoke (has to be outside), chill out and then sober up without her even knowing.

Anyway, the hardest part was finding a new hookup, because I'm no longer in communication with the old hookups.

My new hookup is the hippie dude who's probably 55. I saw that he was wearing a hat with a pot leaf and I asked him if he could hook me up with some buds - he said ok.

He's not a dealer but he's doing me a personal favor and hooking me up as long as I make it worth his time (ie give him some of the buds). This isn't the best situation, but atleast it's a reliable way of getting some pot to smoke.
He has two dealers that he gets bud from - one that gets "mediocre" bud he says and the other who's supposed to get "amazing buds". Anyway I asked him to go with the "amazing buds" guy who only does 1g for $20 deals (no discounts)...his other guy hooks up a 1/4 oz for $40.

I know $20 is very steep for 1g but I wanted to get real nice buds after two years of not smoking so I bought a gram for 20...he didn't make any profit on this.

So I rolled a pinner on Dec 2 and toked up on a nature walk while my wife was away. I didn't get very high but it certainly felt good. The high lasted probably 30-40 mins.

On Dec 17 I had another oppurtunity to smoke in peace. My wife had to do something and I guessed it'd take atleast 3 hrs. I rolled a fatter joint this time - probably what most would call a regular sized joint and toked up. This time I didn't like the high at all. I felt quite paranoid and all I could dwell on were things that were upsetting in my life (I have a lot of stress and upsetting things in my life). No matter how I tried to focus on the positive I kept focusing on the negative. This was the least enjoyable high I've ever had. I've also discovered this $20/gram amazing bud is just some decent bud (nothing amazing...not even that sticky on my fingers). I would say I have another joint worth left of the gram that I will smoke ASAP, and then I'm going to go for the 1/4 for $40 that's supposed to be mediocre.

Is there any reason why I should have been so paranoid, depressed, and unrelaxed this last time I smoked bud?
I've never had this reaction to any buds that I've smoked and I smoked for 3 yrs before my 2 yr recent hiatus.
Could it be that the bud was very sativa like and I was just not ready for it?

Any comments/opinions on my story?

Also - could anyone give some pointers as to how to get new hookups? I'm not a social person and the best idea I've come up with was to just ask anyone who I thought looked like they were a stoner (pot leaf shirts, hand rolled cigarettes etc). This tactic has failed over and over again except for this old hippie guy, who's quite nice. There must be some better way of finding new hookups?

 

[AYA]

Hi,

if i may i think it could mainly be due to the fact that you don't get to smoke in a peace of mind setting. Having to keep in mind that in X time you'll have to act and be "normal" might be a burden ; it certainly can be at times for me...
Otherwise maybe it was a charged or tense day, full moon or stormy?

Good luck!

 

[JJScorpio]

I would guess you had a panic attack because you were stressing your wife would find out. That is the bad thing with pot. It can be the greatest thing if life is good, but if there are bad things going on it can cause you to stress on the negative and that is what can happen.....

 

[Patsheba]

I'm totally in with the setting theory. Obviously you have more concern about your wife finding out than you think.

I get that way if I get stoned before a public appearance.

 

[Guest]

dude going behind her back is the wrong thing. your paranoia is only going to get worse the more you do it. if it's that stressful to not be able to smoke you need to talk to her about it. i bet you'll feel better if you have a rational conversation about it......if you need to smoke that bad then she needs to understand that

 

[TTIC]

The stress wasn't really so much about my wife finding out, as I can easily act sober if I'm drunk, high, on oxycontin, or whatever, have done so without problems many times. I just kept dwelling on all the negative things in my life, and pot usually makes me destress and not worry about life, but this time it made everyhing that was bad in my life seem 100x worse. I just don't get it. I hope this isn't a continual thing.

 

[sproutco]

I am sorry your wife feels this way. Remember she has probably been brainwashed by the stereotypes and b.s. in our general public. I used to get stoned in a storage room in the dark with a candle when my girlfriend disapproved.

 

[Guest]

how the hell did u get 3 js out of 1 gram? do u only roll like .3 tooth picks or what?

 

[bongoman]

My take on this is that cannabis actually is revealing your true, underlying emotional state. An amplifier or magnifier. We just have so many ways of actually avoiding what we feel normally that we aren't fully aware of the underlying anxiety or whatever.

So when we smoke it can be uncomfortable as it is hard to then avoid the feelings that are in our face.

But the way to freedom is to fully feel your feelings so I find when I'm feeling stressed about my life, it is time to let cannabis take me into them and through them.

But to do this requires creating a safe comfortable place. A hot bath with candles and music, toke up and let the feelings emerge and KEEP BREATHING - full slow breaths. Negative feelings want to work their way out of your system so let them. Watch your mind and if it starts taking you too deeply into 'stories' about how fucked or weird things are, come back to your breath. Don't indulge the mental stories - they are not the truth.

Inevitably I came to a place where the underlying issues are still present but emotionally I feel in touch with myself and have a new perspective.

We hear so much about cannabis as a medicine for physical pains but I truly believe that it can heal at the emotional level if you treat it with respect. Hope this is not too 'preachy'.

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

After taking long breaks from smoking (months and months), when I smoke again the high has been a complete disaster like you are describing. But I wouldn't doubt that it's really the paranoia of your wife finding out and divorcing you over it. You know in the back of your mind that she can easily flip out and get the authorities involved which would royally screw you over. At least, that's what I'd be stressing about if I were you. I'm not trying to be an ass, but you shouldn't let her control the relationship like that. If she doesn't want to smoke fine, but not being OK with you getting high is pretty ridiculous for someone who is supposed to be your soul mate.

*It sounds like you F'ed up marrying someone who isn't ok with weed. If you don't want to potentially be offended, stop reading now*****
Talk to her about it again, if she's not ok with it still, then you have definately married the wrong person. This idea is very wicked and evil, but it will work. Quit smoking for a few weeks until you are sure you have no THC in your system. Then, before dinner one night, feed her as much weed as you can possibly hide in her food without her noticing. Plant a baggy on her, and then call the cops. She'll have weed in her system and she won't know it, so she will gladly go for a piss test. OOPS! She does have weed in her system. BUSTED! You can get a divorce, some of her possessions, then you can toke up and get busted a week later because kharma is a friggin' bitch.

 

[ChrOniCHiGhz]

After taking long breaks from smoking (months and months), when I smoke again the high has been a complete disaster like you are describing. But I wouldn't doubt that it's really the paranoia of your wife finding out and divorcing you over it. You know in the back of your mind that she can easily flip out and get the authorities involved which would royally screw you over. At least, that's what I'd be stressing about if I were you. I'm not trying to be an ass, but you shouldn't let her control the relationship like that. If she doesn't want to smoke fine, but not being OK with you getting high is pretty ridiculous for someone who is supposed to be your soul mate.

*It sounds like you F'ed up marrying someone who isn't ok with weed. If you don't want to potentially be offended, stop reading now*****
Talk to her about it again, if she's not ok with it still, then you have definately married the wrong person. This idea is very wicked and evil, but it will work. Quit smoking for a few weeks until you are sure you have no THC in your system. Then, before dinner one night, feed her as much weed as you can possibly hide in her food without her noticing. Plant a baggy on her, and then call the cops. She'll have weed in her system and she won't know it, so she will gladly go for a piss test. OOPS! She does have weed in her system. BUSTED! You can get a divorce, some of her possessions, then you can toke up and get busted a week later because kharma is a friggin' bitch.

You are a very very evil man... just like me

Anyways, I would just try to talk to her about it again, I mean just show her a bunch of facts of various internet sources about marijuana (possibly here? lol) and try to educate her into accepting it

 

[CaptJamesTKirk]

Blow shotguns at her while sleeping - then see if she's easier to get along with when you wake her

 

[TTIC]

My take on this is that cannabis actually is revealing your true, underlying emotional state. An amplifier or magnifier. We just have so many ways of actually avoiding what we feel normally that we aren't fully aware of the underlying anxiety or whatever.

So when we smoke it can be uncomfortable as it is hard to then avoid the feelings that are in our face.

But the way to freedom is to fully feel your feelings so I find when I'm feeling stressed about my life, it is time to let cannabis take me into them and through them.

But to do this requires creating a safe comfortable place. A hot bath with candles and music, toke up and let the feelings emerge and KEEP BREATHING - full slow breaths. Negative feelings want to work their way out of your system so let them. Watch your mind and if it starts taking you too deeply into 'stories' about how fucked or weird things are, come back to your breath. Don't indulge the mental stories - they are not the truth.

Inevitably I came to a place where the underlying issues are still present but emotionally I feel in touch with myself and have a new perspective.

We hear so much about cannabis as a medicine for physical pains but I truly believe that it can heal at the emotional level if you treat it with respect. Hope this is not too 'preachy'.

No that's not too preachy at all. And I've just realized that you are totally correct. I have a lot of anxiety and stress about many complicated issues in my life. And the only way I can deal with these issues and not let them totally overcome me is by suppressing them. I'm suppressing quite a few of my feelings. And the bud allowed me to see all my inner fears and anxieties for what they really are - which may be a good thing in the long run but in the short it's definately hard to deal with, and it's not at all what I expected. Maybe the bud can help me solve these problems or come to terms with them. I honestly would rather sit in my leather chair with a stupid grin on my face, eating popcorn and watching tv, than deal with these problems.

As for all you people who say divorce her/blow smoke in her face/etc --- I'm not going to divorce her, and I know for a fact that the blow smoke won't work. It's not that I'm scared to let her know that I smoke it's that I don't want to argue about it and get into a shoutting match with her about it that will end up solving nothing, and that will recur every time I smoke bud, these fights would certainly be a buzz kill.

My wife has had first hand experience with a lot of substance abuse in her life. Her mom had problems with substance abuse, so did her sister and many other relatives. My wife's sister was a big time stoner who didn't pass a single class in 9th grade after she started smoking, stopped attending high school, dropped out, and would get stoned all day long instead of dong anything productive with her life. She paid for the weed by stealing property and then pawning it. She's been in and out of juvi, and had her first kid at age 16.

On the other hand, I'm a college graduate (with a high gpa) and now an accountant, making a very respectable salary...I'm different than her sister, but she can't see that. That's her big problem with bud and all drugs and alcohol in general. She's insanely scared of all of that stuff. My wife has even smoked pot atleast two dozen times. She still feels the same way she feels though, there's really no way to break that awful fear she has of all drugs and alcohol. I wish there was.

 

[trem0lo]

Wow, it's interesting that I happened upon this thread today...

I'm in almost the exact same situation as you TTIC. I've been happily married for over 3 years and have been smoking (in private) for about 6 months. I smoked some in college, but not regularly. After smoking an awesome haze this summer, I realized how amazing marijuana could be and I started using it instead of drinking beer every night. I get excellent weed and my wife tolerates it so long as I smoke outside and keep my stash hidden away. This is the "agreement" we have come to after many arguments. We used to smoke together once-in-a-blue-moon in college, but those days are far behind us--at least she's not totally against it, but she considers it an immature behavior. Still, I feel it's a burden on the marriage, and we don't really discuss it much. If we do... arguments ensue. Thankfully, I always have the upper hand on the issue because of the info I get from these forums.

A few things to keep in mind are that I wouldn't smoke if I didn't get nice strains. My dealer has a great selection so I know what I'm getting in terms of sativa/indica. Also, out of respect for my wife (and how she feels about it) I smoke when she's not around, mostly at night on my porch after she's asleep. I almost prefer it this way because I don't enjoy being functional while high, and I can just chill and cruise the internet or watch TV and forget about life for awhile. Ultimately I love my wife more than marijuana, so if there was ever a "bottom line" where I would lose her if I continued to smoke, I would not smoke. Simple as that.

Anyway, I feel for you, as smoking in private and behind someone's back is not fun--especially if that person is the person you love most. Your bad high was probably just the weed and low tolerance. When I smoke strong weed after a hiatus I get so stoned it's ridiculous and I pass out. If you can get your hands on some nice bud that doesn't cause paranoia, you're set.

 

[Fantomas]

Holy fuck good to see you here bro!!!

 

[Fantomas]

Ohh and I have the same problem as you, im staying with me relatives for few weeks during christmas and i do the same thing! Sometimes its an ok high but now its rather jerky, there all kinds of annoying thoughts plaguein me at the mo

Its the result of stress man, ive had a lot of that in the past and i figure you did too.


Dont listen the monkey (user name) do not tell her !!!!!!!!!!!!!


"how the hell did u get 3 js out of 1 gram? do u only roll like .3 tooth picks or what?"

When i roll "joints for 1" i usually use not more than .3 and i mix 50 50 with tobacco, nice long fat joints i get which i can relight and enjoy many times.


"KEEP BREATHING"

Thats what i was gonna say, when i get these bad weed highs i notice i breath irregurlarly and with a lot of tension, sometimes even forgetting to breath... they keyy is to control your breath and paranoia leaves


Anyway bongoman said it all there

"As for all you people who say divorce her/blow smoke in her face/etc --- I'm not going to divorce her, and I know for a fact that the blow smoke won't work. It's not that I'm scared to let her know that I smoke it's that I don't want to argue about it and get into a shoutting match with her about it that will end up solving nothing"

Thats right, no need to tell

 

[sproutco]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Fantomas again.

 

[Guest]

Hey Smoke to Choke (forgot your whole name)....

I remember you from OG for real.

So I feel for you. Although you may not realize it, I really do think that "some" of your negative feelings are the result that your wife does not approve. My ex girlfriend was like this. She even used to get stoned. But she developed this bad idea of getting stoned. On the weekends she would drink heavily and smoke heavily at the same time, basically carrying to her into a state of oblivion. Drunk and Stoned. She said she made some bad decisions from this way of getting intoxicated... so not she thinks all weed is bad. I tried explaining to her that getting drunk was led her more to do things she regretted, but... she was stubborn.

So, when we were together, she was REALLY negative when she knew I was high, or just always talked negatively about it. It REALLY sucked. I could not be around her high at all. I think its good we are not together, we just didn't match. It wasn't just weed we didn't match about. So much for jumping into a relationship ever again!

I'm thinking you have on your hands some sativa weed. I think what happened is the first time you only smoked a bit, so it didn't really enlarge the stream of consciousness that much. ALSO, your setting was different. You were in a spot where you were safe. On a nature walk! This makes a big difference. So, the 2nd time you smoked, you probably smoked in your house, and a larger amount. Smoking in the house would make you feel more weird because of your wife... but also since you smoked more with a zero tolerance, that is probably what really opened up your conciousness.

I know exactly what you mean about thinking negatively about all your problems and such. I've definitely had that experience. In fact, I've taken long breaks from smoking, and have always had caution with it. I realize that marijuana is a beast of its own. It needs to be treated with respect always. I am still learning to incorporate it into my life, but until I find a good way I'm okay with not smoking hardly at all.

I think the setting is just SO important. My new idea is to ONLY smoke at night. I'm going to smoke when I've decided to end the night and relax completely. Have a little bowl with a glass of wine. The wine, and just the attitude of relaxation, should shape the high nicely.

The nature walk sounds like a great idea. You could experiment with that more. I'm like the other poster, who says he would rather not be high and functioning. I actually function pretty dang well high, but not socially. That is where things get weird for me. Otherwise I'm fine though.

I feel for you though, about your wife. Its too bad she can't see where you are coming from. Its obvious she has a built in fear about pot. You can have fears about ANYTHING, and hers just happens to be pot. So keeping it behind her back is what seems to have to be done. Hopefully this won't ruin your highs... I think again, if you keep the highs with you away from the house completely, in your own seperate land...like on walks or in nature somewhere, things could be a lot better for you. Because if you don't, it may start getting at you that you are high. The memories of her, or stress, that are associated with things in your house, will pop up under that setting. Kinda why people like to get away to nature, because the change in setting changes their consciousness.

I wish you luck. Marriage is a special thing and I hope to be married myself someday. Maybe if you take some more nature walks with a smaller joint, you could really use the time to relax and reflect, and slowly incorporate some of the things coming to you from your consciousness. Walking is a great time to think, because the movement of your body and the breath keeps thoughts from getting stuck. I'm guessing that why when you smoked the first time you didn't dwell so much. At least this is another reason. The mind is connected to the body, so the constant movement and breathing keeps the thoughts just flowing... this could work for you.

If all else fails, then it could be that your bud is just too much sativa for you. Maybe the "mediocre" bud will be better. Please let us know what happens with your experiences. I'd like to know more.