Get Baked And Pass That Piss Test, Guaranteed!?

[stashsecrets]

Ah the urinalysis for the purpose of finding "Controlled substances". BTW what isn't a controlled substance? I just love walking in to the testing station baked and on Visine. But this last test was a bit nerve racking. You have to think quick and be on your feet because these bastards are always changing their "protocol". As I was "next in line" I could hear the lab tech say to the man just called, "Please remove your shirt, and empty your pockets inside out." SHIT! I thought, I'm fucked! Guess I'll just bail, fuck that job anyhow...

But then it came to me. The only reason she said "please take your shirt off" to the man is because his employer is most likely requiring a simple physical, as well as urine. I knew for a fact that mine was not. They just needed a urine sample from my ass. If I removed my shirt it will have exposed the lump in my back pocket, which is holding a urine substitute with a hand warmer rubber banded together. I do not own any "butt-huggers" so that simple solution was complicated by my hatred of them; hence I'm now in a state of self induced paranoia......


5 min’s pass and the man walks out, he’s all done. My name is called next. I look straight into the lab techs eyes and give her an easy, warm, smile and say hello. I'm at the same time envisioning her saying ONLY "Please step over hear, and remove any items from your pockets please". Instantly as I walk through the door she says. “Mr. Xxx please come over here and empty any items from your pockets into this basket please." Ok I said . First the wallet, then the keys and then a switch to the back pocket but I didn't take those "items" out. I put the change and a paper from my front pocket into the basket. She then said "you can now put your wallet back." My plan had worked. I created the situation I wanted. I wasn’t asked to "empty my pockets inside out" like the man before me was. And he was older and far less likely to be profiled as smuggling in a test cheats as say, me. The test from that point was simple. Temp was right on, and it glowed “urine” yellow.

Another urinalysis passed while totally stoned.

The moral of this report?

Get stoned, and go pass that drug test!!!!

peace,

 

[genkisan]

I would never work for anyone that needed to piss test me, period.

 

[stashsecrets]

never say never

 

[Reg Dunlop]

I'm a heavy equipment foreman and I wouldn't work for a company that dosen't drug test! I drive around in a pick up all day and on night shift all night,right beside 350 ton trucks,d 10 and d11,the biggest equipment you can imagine! and as much of a pain in the ass as a piss test may be,so is getting run over by a 350 ton haul truck!!! from a guy that hasn't slept in 5 days!!

Reg,

 

[Hail]

I have never used synthetic urine before.. In fact, I've never even had to take a piss test for a job.. Since I quit my most recent job ($15/hour and didn't drug test) I need to find a new one.. I have a job oppourtunity somewhere that does random testing, how the hell could you use synthetic urine when it's random? Anybody have any stories/advice on that?

 

[KharmaGirl]

never say never

I'm in Canada


Never It seriously boggles my brain whenever I think of y'all down there not being able to get a job cause you'll get tested. I don't know how y'all live like that. I can't fathom the intrusion of privacy.

 

[Babbabud]

I'm a heavy equipment foreman and I wouldn't work for a company that dosen't drug test! I drive around in a pick up all day and on night shift all night,right beside 350 ton trucks,d 10 and d11,the biggest equipment you can imagine! and as much of a pain in the ass as a piss test may be,so is getting run over by a 350 ton haul truck!!! from a guy that hasn't slept in 5 days!!

Reg,

Spent a whole career running caterpillars on a logging crew. Men working right up next to ya. Whole crew was stoned to the bone all the time. Truck drivers that took the piss test were the ones that got hurt. All the stoners were on the same vibe and watched out for each other. A crew that smokes together goes home at the end of the day together. Bringing the crew together as a unit with a cpl hot ones each day was part of our safety meetings

 

[Reg Dunlop]

We just move dirt,but lots and lots of at a time,My main concern isn't for the people smoking,it's all the other stuff, mostly crack and cocaine and while I agree with what you do on your own time is your own bussiness,but if you've been going hard for a week straight,and most of the time it's a 24 hr cycle,you can't be ready to climb into a piece of iron and expect that you'll be as alert as someone else who actually got a good nights sleep in the last week.Plus on our site we have close to75-80 different contractors,each running different equipment,different sized crews ect. So It can't be controled as easily as could be in a smaller job site.The camp alone is full and it holds 5500 and theres about another 800-900 that come in from town.We get piss tested at the begining of the job and if theres an incident,imeadiatly after the incident.Actually,it's because of the piss test that most people don't smoke,cuz it stays in your system too long,you could be on days off,out for a good night,then a month later you have an unrelated incident,and you have to piss,and you fail,losing your job.Which is why most of the guys just turn to white instead.It's in and out of your system alot quicker,and dosen't smell as bad.But I've seen a few major fatalities within the last 2 years,and the person who was responsible refused a piss test cuz he knew he would fail,the cops ended testing him anyway,and in all 3 accounts,the responible operator failed with cocaine.None of these operators worked for my company,but I know for a fact,I have quite a few that do.

Btw Kharma Girl I'm in Canada aswell,and we get piss tested every site that we work,unless we work right in town??? I don't know why but if were out on an oil company site,it's a mandatory piss test,if we're doing a subdivision in town,then we don't have to piss?

 

[Verite]

I just show up for piss tests with my junk in a box.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA

 

[genkisan]

I'm in Canada


Never It seriously boggles my brain whenever I think of y'all down there not being able to get a job cause you'll get tested. I don't know how y'all live like that. I can't fathom the intrusion of privacy.

Indeed...

God bless land of moose unt beaver!!!!

 

[jaypee89]

how did you keep your piss at the right temp? and how many hours before the test did you get the piss?

or was it synthetic microwavable piss?

 

[Trichome Toker]

Just use your strait laced buddy's piss, and hold it over your car's heat vents before you go in.

They don't actually stare at your while you piss during employment UT's, like they do on probation.

You walk in, close the bathroom door, and dump your container of piss into the vial.

Passing an employee UT is child's play.

They don't even check the temp 99% of the time.

I passed employment UT's a shit load of times.

1,000,000 times easier than probation tests.

 

[Babbabud]

heat to 100 then put in a jock next to your skin .... when you give to them it will be body temp... perfect... soon as they except it yoiu know your in

POWDERS ARE FOR CULLS

 

[I Used To Grow]

wow...ticketmaster cna kiss may ass man

 

[Guest]

wow...ticketmaster cna kiss may ass man

swing and a miss


I have always been successful with the creatine, water and B12 routine. I take a 6 gigantic creatine pills the afternoon before the test while drinking two 64oz cups of water. Keep drinking water in high volume for most of the day.

The idea is tp take the b12 the night before to color your piss yellow, that way your pissing out straight water when it comes time for your piss test but it wont fail for the dilute because of the high creatine levels and yellow color


works for me


also anyone get the mouth swab yet? My last drugtest was a shit tasting mouth swap that I was not expecting ( i had prepared for a piss test). I had smoked two days before and passed, who knows

 

[delta9man]

hey INSPIRADO may i ask y how much y used to smoke,...
PLEASE HELP
i have to make pisstest during my therapy the next 6 month and there will be somebody watching while i piss.when it is positiv i go in prison for 2 years
so i have to use a cleaners like those:

http://www.zydot.com/
http://www.cleartest.com/products/absolute_detox.html
http://www.bngprodx.com/detox.htm

as far i know they all work on the same princip kreatin B12 and others + a lot of water
what makes y urine so fluid that the thc level goes under 25-50ng/l and most test have a cut off at 25, 30 or 50ng/l then it is negative
but i am also a hard smoker 2-4 gr a day(so my level is aruond 200ng/l or more and it needs 6 days(no smoking) to get to 100 and so on, so can some hard smokers tell about experiance with cleaners/mixtures like that, please help...
otherwise no more nice puff puff for me

 

[delta9man]

i started a new thread, Urine Cleaner Experiance

http://www.icmag.com/ic/showthread.php?t=49560

 

[FallenBuddha]

Just my $.02, but i swear by the whizzinator. Since you wear it under your pants, you can empty out your pockets with a smile. Many times on pre-employment drug screens there is a 2 way mirror in the bathroom and you can be watched, my sister is a lab tech at an "industrial" clinic informed me about this.

peace -fb

 

[Nept]

Spent a whole career running caterpillars on a logging crew. Men working right up next to ya. Whole crew was stoned to the bone all the time. Truck drivers that took the piss test were the ones that got hurt. All the stoners were on the same vibe and watched out for each other. A crew that smokes together goes home at the end of the day together. Bringing the crew together as a unit with a cpl hot ones each day was part of our safety meetings

Lov it man