Dealing with paranoia

[Purple Jungle]

I can deal with my own mind but the issue is that I don't live alone and others are having problems with my occupation and their paranoia feeds mine.

I don't even smoke now. Cause I know I tend to go to a bad mindspace when I get high and I am too tense. Except I decided to smoke a joint yesterday - and I had a panic attack. A real one.

I am cleaning up house now. Like complete crime scene clean up. I have 3 garbage bags full of plants, shoes, gloves, lamps and all sorts of shit that I am wondering how to dispose of?

My laptop is crazy encrypted and secured...

A raid is a possibility...

Fucking caterpillars have invaded my spot. Mold.

A nosy old neighbor saw me transferring a kilo of bud from the container where I was drying it to a bag. I don't think he understood what exactly was happening, but the fucker stood by the fence and said hi just when I noticed him. He PROBABLY smelt it. My fuck up yeah... I didn't even want having ANY bud at home at any point, but when I went to my spot and saw the upcoming mold shit storm I started cleaning up immediately and I don't yet have anywhere else to trim etc.

Then of course, we have the spot security issues... you never know... I am considering closing the current entrance and opening another one through a muddy thorny slope where I would have to crawl in. I still have to bring in materials so I can build a shed though...

And being in a hurry when I was building the impromptu drying racks for the mold damage control bud - I left prints. I am paranoid about that too.

Fucking neighbors dogs constantly barking. Where I am at, everyone has a a huge guard dog that sound like the real monsters that they are, pedestrians passing by are a huge event each time...

Just as I explained to someone who watched me climb a huge tree where I left a few bags of bud with seeds to dry up in the sun and wind - I am perfectly capable of climbing that tree, but if I had a few people constantly telling me "Careful!!!! Please don't fall!!! Are you sure about that branch!!!?" - I might start doubting myself and fail. Same with pulling the grow operation off. Just shut the fuck up please.

It's just that the constant nagging mixed with my own fears finally got me... Felt like getting this off my chest.

 

[BAKED_BEANZ]

growing is not for everybody , there is a lot of paranoia involved in a unfriendly legal climate .

if you haven't got a strong mindset , you need to be very careful . paranoia can get right out of control if given the right fuel .

take care mate , try to get your head together . and most of all don't draw more attention too yourself and try to relax . its not an easy past time or occupation

 

[Limeygreen]

I have had neighbours in the past growing plants that you can clearly smell and see what they are doing. I don't know if they get paranoid or not with me being close by, I just mind my business and if they ever ask me what I think about people smoking or growing I just tell them it's their business not mine, I don't give a fuck what people do as long as no one is getting hurt. Hopefully I put their paranoia down that way but who knows.

 

[Purple Jungle]

 

[DJXX]

there is being paranoid and there is listening to that lil voice in your head....you can always grow more if you decide,,,but you can't erase the bad stuff that can happen...follow your heart...have you been in trouble before for this....you don't have to answer that...i know that would make it even worse for me...good luck getting through this...but if a cop hasn't already knocked at your door you are probably fine...then again follow your instincts..DJXX

 

[Dog Star]

Ye bro... but now you need a new signature too...

as it looks like you will never overgrow a jungle...

 

[mowood3479]

I try to practice stoic philosophy in my life... One of the key tenets is to visualize and accept the worst case scenario as a possible outcome.
"He/she robs present ills of their power who has perceived there coming beforehand" Seneca
It works for me anyway...
The point is not to dwell or fixate on negative outcomes but to prepare oneself mentally and emotionally for a "negative" outcome.
What's the worst that could happen?
All things everywhere are perishable...
Idk this strategy may not be for everyone but it works for me. When I realize that we all must die, and that some misfortune is unavoidable... It free's my mind and heart to enjoy the things I love and value, as all of these things are perishable.
That and making sure you have bail $.. Good luck

 

[Weird]

I have had life long paranoia, I like to call it social anxiety but the last shrink I saw said (in a thick Belgium accent which only made it sound more official to me) PARANOIA

lol

I get attacks still and it can be absolutely debilitating. I don't think people with a gun in their face expecting to get shot have the same rush of chemicals and resulting emotions that I get from certain stimulation, almost like pstd but always intense fear, fucking absolutely intense.

I had an attack once where I was sure I would die and it had a supernatural component to it.

So seems ironic I grow for 25 years and not lose my mind completely.

Well, I personally took years thinking this over because as I grew the fits became more intense because of the growing. Thank God I love my plants and hate doing any unnecessary work so much that I didn't tear down every time I was sure the man was breathing down my neck and was sure to be at my door.

In fact it, with a good buzz, really made me evaluate WHY I was doing what I was doing and why I was afraid.

What was the consequence if i got caught?

What is the consequence if I don' t have pot?

Not only would I have not been able to reach the benchmarks I made in this life, nor could I have come to be the person I am, but I couldn't have handled the noise in my head without insane abuse of opiates, benzos and other drugs. I have will power to use them without being compulsive but the noise doesn't go away like it does when I smoke some weed.

I would be dead without this plant and many people would have suffered as I passed the buck because I had no other way to deal with my head. This is after being under the best psychiatric care for years.

By virtue of its synergy with our physical being in so many ways it is simple proof that our relationship with this plant is one of co-evolution an as such is required by some of us to thrive.

It really caused me to evaluate why I do what I do, which as a bipolar with a very granular spectrum of emotions and perspective.

A good percentage of people do things with little thought and the experience provides learning experience, sometimes they get it sometimes they don't. I have found that many people do what they see other people do based on how they think it will make them feel. That is, to fulfill a desire. They never take the chance to ask why.

I validated my actions in light of legality on a very deep and personal level. I had to come to terms with the potential I might have to face 12 of my peers and I had to dig deep in my heart to see if I could face them in the eye and say that I did not do anything wrong based on the circumstances.

Win, lose or draw when I dug deep I found the words I wanted to say, they came easier than maybe I shouldn't do this anymore.

I had to validate that my deepest desires where in line with integrity as a human being and that ultimately I could present it to other human beings in such a way I could do so without fear.

It also taught me those latent fears I have are always based on the most fantastic thing I could think of, forming in real time as new conditions arise. Smoking can also make this happen more intensely, especially the types of weeds I enjoy smoking.

This is stage two where you learn to keep the thought police out of your head by simply not allowing those fears to constantly form. Keep them in check with due diligence and good karma. Cause when all things are equal that is how everyone else who is a decent person does it.

Perhaps mediation or something else to relax your mind might help you quit projecting so much.

 

[Genghis Kush]

Or maybe it's rational fear.
There can be huge consequences for our actions.
Sounds like you need to move or get a new occupation.

 

[Weird]

risk reward is a matter of how those variables are perceived which is relative to life state

 

[plantingplants]

Mowood and weird, thanks for your posts.

Purple Jungle, my great aunt always said, 'when it's time to worry, it's time to do.' I constantly refer back to It. Take care of everything you can. Maybe even go on vacation. Stay at a friend's house or go camping.

 

[Swamp Thang]

Pumping iron is the best stress reliever I know of. I like to bench-press buzzed in my DIY home gym, but that may not be to everyone's preference, in which case the buzzed part can be left out, leaving just the weight lifting to impart the calm we all crave.

 

[Purple Jungle]

when it's time to worry, it's time to do.

That pretty much sums it all up, simple and deep!

I appreciate all of the great posts!! To the couple of guys saying I should quit -

Again, I want to say that what made me crack under the pressure is others attitude and reactions + the caterpillar invasion which threathens my entire project. Idgaf about the neighbor otherwise. All it made me do is clean up house. If he snitches, so be it, I will deal with it, I am clean.

Besides that, just look at my grow, that should tell you how invested I am in this and if I am too afraid or something

I try to practice stoic philosophy in my life... One of the key tenets is to visualize and accept the worst case scenario as a possible outcome.
"He/she robs present ills of their power who has perceived there coming beforehand" Seneca
_
The point is not to dwell or fixate on negative outcomes but to prepare oneself mentally and emotionally for a "negative" outcome.
_
That and making sure you have bail $.. Good luck

Awesome, thanks! Agreed, my thinking is very similar.

Perhaps mediation or something else to relax your mind might help you quit projecting so much.

risk reward is a matter of how those variables are perceived which is relative to life state

This is stage two where you learn to keep the thought police out of your head by simply not allowing those fears to constantly form. Keep them in check with due diligence and good karma.

Yup, well put. The problem arises when others feed the fears that are in the back of my mind.

It's all good though, I had a little moment.

or go camping.

This week I am building a shed at the spot

5 AM GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!