G
Guest
do you think the praying of the monks worked ? can we ever live a normal life ?
G
Guest
Hey,
I can't answer to your inner conflict and nightmares, but I can speak to mine, which have different roots than yours.
Time goes on, and the past is always part of it. Part of that continuum. To deny it is to rip ourselves off for where we've been, good bad, or ugly. It has made us who we are, and that can rarely be a totally bad thing.
I had a nightmare once that I was up a hiking trail in a remote park, under a pavillion of some sort, and there was a bison there. I chose, for whatever reason, to kill the bison, and I shot it repeatedly. But it wouldn't lay down and die. The more I hit it, sometimes point blank, the more frantic I felt.
There were voices coming up the trail, and I feared that I would be discovered, guilty and bloody. I woke up drenched.
I talked to a fairly wise acquaintance back then about the tremendous tension this 'dream' obviously represented. The sense of personal guilt and perhaps even 'dirtiness' that it conveyed.
He told me that the object was not necessarily to kill 'my bison,' but rather to turn it into a field mouse.
The critter that haunts us will somehow, in some way, always be with us in our past as a part of where we've been and who we are.. Turning down the volume and trying to find a light to pursue is maybe one ticket to finding peace.
I'm sorry that your past and images haunt you.
I hope that you continue on toward finding some sense of inner peace. Your thread indicates that you are still trying to move forward on that path. That in itself speaks to hopefulness.
Take care,
moose eater
I can't answer to your inner conflict and nightmares, but I can speak to mine, which have different roots than yours.
Time goes on, and the past is always part of it. Part of that continuum. To deny it is to rip ourselves off for where we've been, good bad, or ugly. It has made us who we are, and that can rarely be a totally bad thing.
I had a nightmare once that I was up a hiking trail in a remote park, under a pavillion of some sort, and there was a bison there. I chose, for whatever reason, to kill the bison, and I shot it repeatedly. But it wouldn't lay down and die. The more I hit it, sometimes point blank, the more frantic I felt.
There were voices coming up the trail, and I feared that I would be discovered, guilty and bloody. I woke up drenched.
I talked to a fairly wise acquaintance back then about the tremendous tension this 'dream' obviously represented. The sense of personal guilt and perhaps even 'dirtiness' that it conveyed.
He told me that the object was not necessarily to kill 'my bison,' but rather to turn it into a field mouse.
The critter that haunts us will somehow, in some way, always be with us in our past as a part of where we've been and who we are.. Turning down the volume and trying to find a light to pursue is maybe one ticket to finding peace.
I'm sorry that your past and images haunt you.
I hope that you continue on toward finding some sense of inner peace. Your thread indicates that you are still trying to move forward on that path. That in itself speaks to hopefulness.
Take care,
moose eater
G
Guest
thank you moose eater , i was 18 then and wasnt ready for what i saw and did. i dont ever think i will forget, and when i found out the n v n monks where praying for all of us to be cursed i kinda belive it now looking back at my life.,
G
Guest
Hey Sourdaddy,
Whatever we see in this place, we carry forward.
No one at any age is prepared to see that sort of thing. Certainly not our fair-haired babies of early adulthood at that age.
We've all got something that we carry that speaks to us. Even those with relatively sheltered lives often have something.
In that regard, we can sometimes drag our own curse along further than we might need to.
But I believe it can be like a tool, too. We can use that experience to make something beautiful, or we can use it to harm ourselves or something/someone else. Not that it's necessarily as easy as that in operation.
I still have idiosynchroses that are mine, and that come out of the past, and interfere with my being who I could be for my family and myself. But they are less and less as time goes on.
All of us have sinned. Though I'm not particularly religious in the dogmatic sense, the KJ Bible says, "There is not one good. Nay, not one."
That tells me that part of my job in managing me is to make the best of my messes and successes as I can. 'Cause it's quite likely that there will always be both messes and successes. That's all that I've got.
Like charity, forgiveness starts at home. And none of us were ever Superman.
moose eater
Whatever we see in this place, we carry forward.
No one at any age is prepared to see that sort of thing. Certainly not our fair-haired babies of early adulthood at that age.
We've all got something that we carry that speaks to us. Even those with relatively sheltered lives often have something.
In that regard, we can sometimes drag our own curse along further than we might need to.
But I believe it can be like a tool, too. We can use that experience to make something beautiful, or we can use it to harm ourselves or something/someone else. Not that it's necessarily as easy as that in operation.
I still have idiosynchroses that are mine, and that come out of the past, and interfere with my being who I could be for my family and myself. But they are less and less as time goes on.
All of us have sinned. Though I'm not particularly religious in the dogmatic sense, the KJ Bible says, "There is not one good. Nay, not one."
That tells me that part of my job in managing me is to make the best of my messes and successes as I can. 'Cause it's quite likely that there will always be both messes and successes. That's all that I've got.
Like charity, forgiveness starts at home. And none of us were ever Superman.
moose eater
StayHigh149
Member
Sourdaddy,
My father went to a "reunion" in D.C. on Memorial Day weekend a few years back & I went with him. It was a very, very emotional weekend for both of us. He was a grunt & I served 12 yrs myself. I can tell u that the "reunion" did alot of good for him. He saw some of the guys he was with but never knew the stauts of & it also helped with the "healing" of the thoughts of those that were not able to come home. The Sunday service at The Wall was difficult but the conversations & hugs from his brothers at the hotel, during the whole weekend, definatly helped.
I've heard that it helps most to talk with others that were there & I wasn't BUT just trying to give some insight from an "outsiders" mind. I now ride the "Rolling Thunder" ride for my own personal reasons every year & will continue to do so until....
Anyway, I would like to give u a "Welcome Home".....not the cliche one but....a truly heartfelt one!!! Also, if u would like to talk with any of the guys u were there with, I offer my services to help u find them (I helped my dad & few others) & also if u ever make the journey to DC on Memorial Day weekend...I will be ther for you!
My father went to a "reunion" in D.C. on Memorial Day weekend a few years back & I went with him. It was a very, very emotional weekend for both of us. He was a grunt & I served 12 yrs myself. I can tell u that the "reunion" did alot of good for him. He saw some of the guys he was with but never knew the stauts of & it also helped with the "healing" of the thoughts of those that were not able to come home. The Sunday service at The Wall was difficult but the conversations & hugs from his brothers at the hotel, during the whole weekend, definatly helped.
I've heard that it helps most to talk with others that were there & I wasn't BUT just trying to give some insight from an "outsiders" mind. I now ride the "Rolling Thunder" ride for my own personal reasons every year & will continue to do so until....
Anyway, I would like to give u a "Welcome Home".....not the cliche one but....a truly heartfelt one!!! Also, if u would like to talk with any of the guys u were there with, I offer my services to help u find them (I helped my dad & few others) & also if u ever make the journey to DC on Memorial Day weekend...I will be ther for you!
